# Convince me why I should go out with nerd girl. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 11, 2004, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607 "2004-05-11T12:00:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/141 "2004-05-12T13:48:55Z")
> [@Sat on Cookie](#): > > OK, you got me. I didn’t pay attention to any of your posts. I was busy recklessly responding to a single obnoxious reply from you out of left field. > > Sorry about that. I’m a nice guy. I forgive. (take the forgiving with a grain of salt, I don’t get offended) I’ve been a Doper too long. 😉 Unless you were referencing another thread :dubious: Either way, I’ll apply my SDMB-induced philosophy “I just don’t care” ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/142 "2004-05-12T13:52:35Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > [Foghorn Leghorn]Boy’s ‘bout as sharp as a bowlin’ ball[/Foghorn Leghorn] [hijack]Say, someone ought to start a thread on “The Wit and Wisdom of Foghorn Leghorn”. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/143 "2004-05-12T13:58:55Z")
**Seige** , thanks for the offer to help me find a nice geek girl in the Pittsburgh area. Unfortunately I have to pass on that since I am already a girl, and not gay. If you know any geek _guys_, I’m open to suggestions. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/144 "2004-05-12T14:08:31Z")
> [@Taran](#): > > I only opened this thread because I knew there’d be lots of nerd girls inside. I’ve been busily scanning location fields ever since, but no dice. > > Worcestor Massachusetts? Pittsburgh Pennsylvania? Anybody? Hm, eastern CT, about 60 miles south…but I’m married. Of course I can always talknerdy to you on webcam, that help? 🆒 \ ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/145 "2004-05-12T14:12:41Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Oh, and a quick reminder, the OP was talking about a “girl” not a “grrl” > Fuck, I hate when people take a word and try to be cute by making up a new spelling when it’s the same word. And pronounced the same. And means the same. Thayt’s allll. No more wrnnntting on “grrl” spllng. sorry, in my grouping of fendom grrrl is used vice girl to indicate a certain degree of geeky coolness. but since i am american, and currently reside in the land of the relatively free i will retain my spelling when i am referring to a grrl of cool geekiness. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/146 "2004-05-12T14:30:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _]Originally posted by SHAKES_ > I’m still gonna ask her out for a social gathering though, I don’t care what y’all say. As a former–heck, current–nerd-girl, I could be offended. I’m not. I just think you’re a guy, and are therefore clueless by nature when it comes to certain subjects. **Siege** did an amazing job–as usual–telling you what we nerd-girls often enjoy. I, however, am going to give a caveat when it comes to social engagements. I could’ve been this girl in high school, except for the fact that I didn’t blush. I had the hugest crush on this one guy I knew. We were in a couple of activities together, and he was my first real big crush. I tried to talk to him a lot. I was also fairly certain I was not his type, but, socially inept creature that I am, I figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to him. Now, he and I are still friends, almost–oh, my god, has it been that long?–_gulp_ seven years later. I consider him one of my closest friends, even though I have zero interest in him romantically (and vice versa). I can tell you, however, what would’ve happened had he detected my interest in him and decided to take me on a social gathering out of either pity or a desire to socialize me. 1.) I would’ve figured it out, and fairly quickly. Many of us who are socially inept in the way that you described learn to be _very_ paranoid when it comes to other people’s motives. I’d’ve known it was a pity thing. That leads us to. . . 2.) I would’ve been hurt very, very badly. My inability to be social did not dictate a lack of feelings; quite the contrary. I cried, laughed, smiled and screamed just as much as the next person. Since I was talking to him on a regular basis, I considered him a friend. I would’ve felt that he either A.) though that I was someone to be mocked or B.) that he thought of me as a child to be guided and condescended to. Either would have made me feel like my heart had been ripped out and trampled by a herd of buffalo. This would’ve gotten me to. . . 3.) Hate his guts. We would not be friends right now had he done something like that. And that really would’ve sucked for both of us. It wouldn’t have mattered if he was trying to pretend to be friends or to pretend to be interested in me. I don’t know if the girl you’re talking about is particularly smart, or into geek things, or even particularly interesting. She might be, but she also might just be socially inept AND fairly uninteresting. It happens. Regardless of this, however, she is still a human being, and is capable of being hurt. Thus, I would examine my motives very carefully before moving on her in a social or romantic way. You don’t want the guilt, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/147 "2004-05-12T14:31:19Z")
Thank Heaven for nrrdy grrls! 'Cos nrrdy grrls get nrrrdier ev’ry day! Thank Heaven for nrrdy grrls! They’re geeky in the most delightful way! 'Cos nrrdy grrls can hold such conversations That cerebella spark and hearts get palpitations. Thank Heaven for nrrdy grrls! Thank Heaven for them all! 'Cos I would say, at any rate, That without them, it’d be no fun to date. Thank Heaven! Thank Heaven! Thank Heaven for nrrdy grrls! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/148 "2004-05-12T14:32:27Z")
Good night, Miss Abbott, wherever you are… ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/149 "2004-05-12T14:39:22Z")
Will no one speak for the bar girls? Hey **SHAKES** ‘ol buddy: Here’s another guy who appreciates bars in general and bar girls in particular. I shudder to think about how droll several years of my life would have been without bar girls, Ghod love ‘em. If that’s what you’re comfortable with and what you like, why not stick with a winner? ‘Course, when I finally met the love of my life she was the \*Nerdiest Girl Ever \***[sup]TM**[/sup]. We’ve been living happily ever after for a long time now. If you do feel some genuine attraction for the girl in question, go for it if you’re willing to shift gears. Maintaining your established way of doing things probably won’t have pleasing results for either of you. Having her in the same work place with you is troubling, but others have covered that. Good luck to you and the girl, however it works out. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/150 "2004-05-12T14:39:40Z")
> [@Lilairen](#): > > Sorry, man, I’m in Lynn. 😉 Damn it! I just found this thread and was going to post some double entendre about this staement but I don’t know French well enough to understand what I just said. So… I think **Angua** is HOT! I love **Siege** so much I could crap my pants. Seriously, I’ve been in the OP’s shoes. I was one of those guys that always went out with the “popular” girls. And it actually irritated me when a different girl seemd to like me. Now, I never thought of myself as an asshole, not at the time I was doing that anyways. But, eventually I learned. What did I learn? Careless arrogance can harm more people than you might think. The good thing is, most of the people I was arrogant towards got better. Or just forgot. **I** was the one who had the lasting damage. I finally realised that I had to change. The reason every girl I was going out with, or even falling in love with, turned out to be a bitch to me…, was because I was choosing bitches to go out with. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are loads of pretty, popular girls that aren’t bitches. But, they weren’t going out with _me!_ See? I was constantly setting myself up with “party” girls who (to a greater or lesser degree) only cared about their own rotten feelings. Once I finally got it that I was damaged goods myself, I decided to change up some things. Your habit of going out with drunk chicks sounds a lot my old life, and I feel for you. But, do yourself a favour and don’t take nerd girl on that pity date. Instead, try to figure out what good quality in you she must be seeing and try to work on that. She obviously sees something in you. Maybe you could go to lunch and talk about it. That way you learn a bit and maybe you both have a good time. To me, lunch doesn’t count as a date. Be prepared for a change of heart on her part, though, especially if your current attitude is as far gone as it sounds through this thread. But for Og’s sake, please, get over yourself and quick! Your current attitude may end up harming both of you. You more than her. Sorry to ramble guys. I got caught up in therapy memories. ;j ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/151 "2004-05-12T14:43:43Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > sorry, in my grouping of fendom grrrl is used vice girl to indicate a certain degree of geeky coolness. but since i am american, and currently reside in the land of the relatively free i will retain my spelling when i am referring to a grrl of cool geekiness. :dubious: Um, American here too. “relatively free” ? No, you _are_ free. Guess it was just a mini-hijack rant about grrl. Close to the new thread of Americans no being able to hit the Cap key when thping American, though. _hand-kiss_ ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/152 "2004-05-12T14:57:38Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I think **Angua** is HOT! 🆒 I’m afraid however, someone’s beaten you to me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/153 "2004-05-12T15:00:12Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Um, American here too. “relatively free” ? No, you _are_ free. Guess it was just a mini-hijack rant about grrl. Close to the new thread of Americans no being able to hit the Cap key when thping American, though. > > _hand-kiss_ Man, can I spell or what?!? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/154 "2004-05-12T15:41:27Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Will no one speak for the bar girls? Hey **SHAKES** ‘ol buddy: Here’s another guy who appreciates bars in general and bar girls in particular. I shudder to think about how droll several years of my life would have been without bar girls, Ghod love ‘em. If that’s what you’re comfortable with and what you like, why not stick with a winner? Is it possible to be a bar girl and a nerd girl at the same time? I play 9ball and poker… … just sayin… ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/155 "2004-05-12T16:05:51Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Is it possible to be a bar girl and a nerd girl at the same time? I play 9ball and poker… > > … just sayin… Yes, it is! At least, it must be, because I AM both. More of nerd girl as of late, but I do like my bars and my beers. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/156 "2004-05-12T16:07:06Z")
> [@tamaraqueenofgoths](#): > > Yes, it is! At least, it must be, because I AM both. More of nerd girl as of late, but I do like my bars and my beers. That makes three of us then. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/157 "2004-05-12T16:22:00Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > I’m so ashamed of you fellow Dopers. Have none of you pointed out the nerdiness that hides the animal within, as displayed **American Pie?** Shhh. Don’t tell anybody, you’ll give away our little secret. Some laughed because that scene at the end was really funny and a joke. Some laughed because they knew how true it was. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/158 "2004-05-12T16:22:19Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Um, American here too. “relatively free” ? No, you _are_ free. Guess it was just a mini-hijack rant about grrl. Close to the new thread of Americans no being able to hit the Cap key when thping American, though. > > _hand-kiss_ oooOOo, I love handkissing=) I can use caps when I like to, but sometimes I just don’t bother. As much clerical work as I do, I am still not a touch typer, and with peripheral nerve damage sometimes I just don’t bother using my pinky fingers as I have to consciously hit hard enough on the shift key to cap things. Of course I could just caps lock…NOT 😃 And as to relative freedon, yes America is a lot more free than many countries, but I have seen the erroding of America civil liberties in the last few years so we are not as free as we once were=) As to spelling, heck I ALWAYS have to go back and corect all my TEH, I have _yet_ to manage to type THE on the first shot for some silly reason=\ ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/159 "2004-05-12T16:33:57Z")
There are no better women in the world than nerd girls. I wouldn’t ever date anyone who wasn’t one. Here’s to ya, ladies. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607/160 "2004-05-12T16:38:28Z")
Agreeing with others here, Seige put it all so well . . . Shakes, you admit that you do _like_ her (just not in a romantic sense) and that’s fine. That’s very sweet, actually. But if you want to invite her to a social event at work, just do it in a way that leaves no minsunderstanding. Heck—I’d recommend you finding someone else to invite her, if that’s possible. Because it seems like the goal is to get her to go, not for you to be the one asking. I have also had a small taste of people thinking that I needed to socialize like them in order to be “happy.” I used to work with a group of people who were great people, but their idea of fun was getting drunk after work. Well, I should ammend that—not really sloshing drunk, just happy drunk, and yappy and chatty and singing with the Kerioke machine (did I spell that right?). And none of that is my thing. But I often would go with these people and hang out with them, because I respected them and _liked_ them. I got a little ruffled a few times when one of them lamented because I wouldn’t get drunk. I don’t drink. Drinking bores me. All I do is worry if everyone has a designated driver (and yes, I was happy to be a designated driver). Also, the singing to the machine thing was not my thing. Neither was dancing. Never gonna dance. I don’t particularly care for most popular music. The thing that ruffled me was that I was _pitied_ a little bit for _not_ wanting to drink, _not_ wanting to dance, and _not_ wanting to bellow out shit popular songs to that damned machine. And in my mind, that was pathetic and a little insulting. Hey, I can respect people wanting to do all of those things and enjoying all of those things, but none of those things (drinking, dancing and singing pop songs badly) is _BETTER_ than what I like to do. Because frankly, as a somewhat geeky girl, I think what I like to do is _FABULOUS._ Art, photography, opera? That’s FABULOUS. And no one better _pity_ because I like to do that more than I like to get drunk or dance. I mean, that’s ludicrous. Anyway, I think that’s what already Seige said, but better. Oh, and Shakes, if you do invite her, remember that she might feel exactly the way I felt when my coworkers invited me to their social gatherings. I went because I wanted to hang out with them and I _liked_ them, but I didn’t go because their chosen activities were superior to the ones I preferred. And I didn’t go because I needed to be “enlightened” on the _REAL_ way to have fun. I knew how to have fun. I always had known. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-me-why-i-should-go-out-with-nerd-girl/244607.md?page=9)