# Convince people you're a Messiah **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 22, 2018, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910 "2018-04-22T20:10:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/1 "2018-04-22T20:10:31Z")
I was thinking with photo\video editing abilities and what some famous magicians can do these days, even if you, as a second jesus, had some miracleing ability it’d be pretty hard to convince people. So, you wake up tomorrow with the certain knowledge that you’re the son/daughter of God. You have the ability to perform one of these miracles once a day: 1. Cure leprosy 2. Walk on water for 5 minutes 3. Turn 1 litre of water into wine. Your job is to convince 10% of the world’s population to follow God’s new rule. Easy mode: Chicken & Turkey are now considered dirty so people shouldn’t eat them (10% of people who already eat these if it happens that 10% of humans already don’t eat them) Hard Mode: Human sacrifice, aztec style If scientists investigate your ability, they’ll be able to tell it happened bit not explain it. What would your strategy be to convince the most people? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/2 "2018-04-23T03:29:55Z")
Any of those once a day would make a persons divinity a tough sell. Now if I could cure a mass number of lepers all at once in some defined/confined area but only do that once a day (According to the WHO there are 216,108 new leprosy cases registered globally in 2016 – let me cure say 1,000 at once in a specific region each day) and I may have a shot at it. Rinse, lather and repeat every day for 216 days and ------- just maybe. The other two choices I don’t see going anywhere much past a lot of YouTube hits. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/3 "2018-04-23T05:54:46Z")
What is this, Dungeons and Dragons? ---
**Author:** ![Mnemnosyne](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mnemnosyne/32/3347_2.png) [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/4 "2018-04-23T07:07:51Z")
I wouldn’t be able to convince ME that I’m the son/daughter of God if those were the only piddling little powers I got, I have no idea how I’d convince anyone else. It’d convince me that supernatural powers exist, due to being able to provably do a thing that no one can explain, but son of God is a pretty high bar, and these are parlor tricks on **that** scale, unless we’re talking a really, really weak and tiny god. So I would logically conclude that this bizarre certainty I have about being the son of God is something that has been implanted into me by similarly supernatural mind-alteration abilities. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/5 "2018-04-23T07:31:31Z")
Seriously?? To start with, > [@](#): > > You have the ability to perform one of these miracles once a day: > > 1. Cure leprosy > 2. Walk on water for 5 minutes > 3. Turn 1 litre of water into wine. … the ability to do any or all of those things doesn’t make a good case for why anyone should give a rat’s ass about what I think the word of God is. Admittedly, that doesn’t mean the denizens of the earth would necessarily _realize_ that, but trying to exploit their susceptibility to being impressed with such miraclestunts would mean being a charlatan, and while your challenge by no means rules out choosing that route, I don’t have the skill set to be very good at it and there’s a lot of competition. I suppose there might be some mileage gained by doing the miracles and then pointing out that being able to do miracles doesn’t noticeably correlate with having divine wisdom to dispense, but it didn’t seem to work out terribly well for the last guy who tried it. Everyone got all impressed with the glitzy miracles and still ignored most of what he said. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/6 "2018-04-23T09:01:12Z")
Okay, maybe those miracles are a bit too weak. Let’s say in addition, you can raise the dead or redo one of the Egyptian plagues once a year. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/7 "2018-04-23T09:26:50Z")
Do I need to grind 25,000 gold pieces’s worth of diamonds into dust and set the dust on fire? What you’re describing is way too much in the style of D&D player character classes for me to take seriously. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/8 "2018-04-23T09:37:47Z")
FWIW, I’m always getting crucified at work. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/9 "2018-04-23T10:15:08Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Do I need to grind 25,000 gold pieces’s worth of diamonds into dust and set the dust on fire? > > What you’re describing is way too much in the style of D&D player character classes for me to take seriously. Rocks fall, foolsguinea dies. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/10 "2018-04-23T11:02:30Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > Okay, maybe those miracles are a bit too weak. Let’s say in addition, you can raise the dead or redo one of the Egyptian plagues once a year. No difference whatsoever. Even if you can do the “let there be light” thing and conjure up a new universe, that just makes you one hell of a cosmic magician. If you’re gonna lay claim to being a Messiah, you’ve got to emit wisdom that stands on its own, compelling in its own right, self-explanatory and blindingly powerful in its explanatory powers. ETA: the Aztec-style sacrifice participants should fully understand _why_ they should die for God, and be enthusiastic about it. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/11 "2018-04-23T11:06:52Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > No difference whatsoever. > > Even if you can do the “let there be light” thing and conjure up a new universe, that just makes you one hell of a cosmic magician. > > If you’re gonna lay claim to being a Messiah, you’ve got to emit wisdom that stands on its own, compelling in its own right, self-explanatory and blindingly powerful in its explanatory powers. God trusts you to come up with that bit on your own, he just wants you to work the no chicken rule in too. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/12 "2018-04-23T11:43:55Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > You have the ability to perform one of these miracles once a day: > > 1. Cure leprosy > 2. Walk on water for 5 minutes > 3. Turn 1 litre of water into wine. > [@](#): > > If scientists investigate your ability, they’ll be able to tell it happened bit not explain it. I’d guess that five minutes of water-walking would be the way to go. After all, if you do the ‘wine’ bit — well, folks will say it _was_ a liter of water, and now it _is_ a liter of wine, and during a moment in between a stage-magic switcheroo either did or didn’t take place; but if they painstakingly examine the water you’re about to walk on, and then _keep examining it_ from all angles while you keep walking on it for a third minute or a fourth minute or whatever, then suddenly it’s not that they were maybe looking in the wrong place at the wrong second. I mean, yeah, you’ll still have mass-media problems either way; but at least you can avoid also having one extra built-in problem. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/13 "2018-04-23T13:12:48Z")
I’m not the Messiah, I’m a very naughty boy. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/14 "2018-04-23T13:23:53Z")
None of this would work on Jews, since that’s not what the Messiah is supposed to do. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/15 "2018-04-23T13:24:37Z")
Easy Peasy–just [deny that I am the messiah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64KlhfIN5qY)! (Honestly, I’m stunned that I got to be the one to post that–y’all are slipping) (ETA: sorta ninja’d by Thudeeliow Boinkerino) People today are too jaded for the arrival of Yahweh’s kin. It’d just be another act in the ongoing circus of modern life. The more effort such a being exerts in convincing people of His/Her divinity, the less anyone is going to be convinced. I think the approach would have to be far more subtle. I’d have to go with no preaching (until nearer the end of the mission), no exhibitionist miracles, and instead focus on immediately imparting genuine conviction to each and every person I meet. From street corner loonies, to uptight suburban moms, to hardened business execs, to all afflicted in civil war throughout the world–a quick, silent gaze into my eyes and that person just _knows_ they are in the presence of God, and that life on this world is just a temporary sojourn, an opportunity to develop an understanding of [whatever it is God wants]. After enough people are so-turned, they will do the convincing on their own. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/16 "2018-04-23T13:27:36Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > Okay, maybe those miracles are a bit too weak. Let’s say in addition, you can raise the dead or redo one of the Egyptian plagues once a year. No ---- what you need is a good agent; say Joey Judas from Hollywood and you need to rename your Apostles “the Miracles”. And basically follow the script of “The Second Coming” by Vaughn Meader ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2018, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/17 "2018-04-24T06:48:33Z")
How did L.Ron Hubbard get scientology going? Might be a good place to start ---
**Author:** ![Chisquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Chisquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chisquirrel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2018, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-people-youre-a-messiah/812910/18 "2018-04-24T09:11:58Z")
My dog thinks I’m God. What do I need the adoration of people for?