# Convince us you're not responsible for the Zombie Apocalypse. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101 "2011-10-19T02:28:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/21 "2011-10-19T14:15:06Z")
I want a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/22 "2011-10-19T14:22:05Z")
My ex and I were married on an October 4th–no kidding. After what we went through getting divorced, I ain’t bringing nothing back to life on that day! ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/23 "2011-10-19T14:23:27Z")
Zombies, seriously? How inefficient is that? Now if I were creating an army of undead zombies, would I have this Orbital Mind Control Laser under construction in the basement? Would I have spent all that time on the incident with Senator Hatch to get mind control experiments on unwitting subjects legalized retroactively? No. Zombies eat brains, have very few of their own, and my entire strategy is predicated on the people of Earth each having their own juicy, tempting, fully hydrated with precious bodily fluids, brain. So look around, take whatever samples you want to get me off this \*&#%ing ‘red paint list’ or whatever it is. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/24 "2011-10-19T14:34:33Z")
You would know _my_ Zombie Apocalypse . . . it wouldn’t be put down in a week. I prefer AI-enhanced bowler hats with claws, legs, and other various attachments to do my evil deeds. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/25 "2011-10-19T15:12:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Make your case for not being immediately sent to Guantanomo. “Send me there, and Castro gets the secret.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/26 "2011-10-19T15:31:24Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > “Send me there, and Castro gets the secret.” Um…I think that’s a case for shooting you in the head immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/27 "2011-10-19T15:38:32Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > As a staunch leftie, the last place I would loose the zombie apocalypse would be a solid Blue State like Connecticut. Had it been started in Texas, Okahoma, Kansas or Utah, we might have had something to discuss, although I’m not entirely convinced such a thing would be noticed. Not Texas. I live in Texas, and can tell you that the poor zombies would starve before reaching the critical Horde Threshold. > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Oh no you don’t. We gave up on zombies a long time ago. They just don’t have lasting power as foot soldiers for the Powers of Darkness. Besides, we’ve been busy dealing with those damn upgraded octopusses. We _still_ are missing two land-life-support units and an experimental blaster. Don’t you know better than to trust [a heavily armed octopus](http://theagahfstore.bigcartel.com/product/heavily-armed-octopus-shirt)? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/28 "2011-10-19T15:46:40Z")
Oh… so that’s what the big red button on my computer marked “DO NOT PUSH” does if you “accidently” hit it… oops ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/29 "2011-10-19T15:52:01Z")
If I was going to clear the population out of an area to make way for say… me, I would pick somewhere warmer than Connecticut. Oh and - I haven’t crossed your border in months, couldn’t have been me. When you find the culprit however I’d be interested in questioning them 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/30 "2011-10-19T15:53:24Z")
I’m much too inactive and lazy to be fomenting any zombie uprisings. Many of my neighbors will attest to this. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/31 "2011-10-19T15:53:37Z")
I can honestly say that I have not been to my Grandfather’s house and Great-Uncle’s dairy farm in Western Connecticut in at least two years. I don’t care what the very nice people who live in my Grandfather’s house say, I was not wandering around on their property, and I most certainly was not burying any sort of talismans in their roses, or on the bank of the Bantam river. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/32 "2011-10-19T16:07:01Z")
My standard excuse: some other dude did it. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/33 "2011-10-19T16:16:45Z")
I regret nothing! Ahem… Also, as a Canadian, I’m entirely too polite to go unleashing a Zombie Apocalypse on anyone without first sending apologies to everyone potentially involved well in advance. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/34 "2011-10-19T17:14:41Z")
> [@Postariti](#): > > I was serving carnivorousplant his breakfast. I remember it vividly, not many carnivorous plants want fries. Sorry, what’s your PayPal account again? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/35 "2011-10-19T18:48:33Z")
I live in Illinois. And I was at work that day. And, well, I’m only able to cast spells within line-of-sight. And I can’t see Connecticut from here. And anyway it can’t be me, because if it were, I would have set the zombies on Wall Street. Besides, Annamika told me she did it. ---
**Author:** ![code\_grey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@code\_grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/code_grey)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/36 "2011-10-19T19:14:11Z")
I know that Obama is scared of the upcoming election, but a few zombies are hardly enough to finish off the _living document_. His gang will have to try harder than that when it comes to false flag operations. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/37 "2011-10-19T19:21:42Z")
I didn’t do it either. I, too, am Canadian. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/38 "2011-10-19T19:26:41Z")
Oh, please, why are you even bothering me with this? Okay, I know I did hard time on a conquer-the-universe rap, but that’s an entirely different thing. You don’t destroy the population, you enslave them to build you a planet-sized spaceship bristling with 1920s style death rays, the best kind ever made. Zombies just make chaos, and you’re going to need a very large industrial base and virtually unlimited resources both human and material for scientific research. Just try that with a bunch of zombies. Besides, who would you have to talk to? Zombies aren’t exactly scintillating conversationalists, seeing as they only moan “Braaaaiiiinnnns” over and over again. And anyway, the Man is watching me too closely for me to get away with anything at all these days. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/39 "2011-10-19T19:45:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Um…I think that’s a case for shooting you in the head immediately. Not once I point out I could just as easily work for the US military. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101/40 "2011-10-19T20:17:40Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I didn’t do it either. I, too, am Canadian. Sorry. There are two of you with the Canadian alibi? That’s too suspicious for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/convince-us-youre-not-responsible-for-the-zombie-apocalypse/600101.md?page=3)