# corny responses to "how are you?" (i need them) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 20, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882 "2005-08-20T15:58:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/21 "2005-08-20T22:50:25Z")
**Considering how often men think about sex, feel free to be disarmingly blunt.** Horny. **Perhaps the questioner is hinting for a rendezvous. Be coy.** My spirit is willing and my flesh will sneak. **Perhaps you’ve already had a rendezvous, in which case you can drop names.** Ask your Mama. **It may be a question of your assertivess…** I just drank my last can of whupass and I’m trying to catch a case. **… or your religious beliefs…** I’m saved, praise Satan! **… or a question of your limited material wealth.** I’m so broke I can drink muddy water and sleep in a hollow log. **You could admit your spongeworthiness.** I’m the Man. **But not that spongeworthy.** I’m the shit and a pisser. **Or frankly, willing to be more submissive.** I’m your dog. \*\*You could evoke a Southern charm. \*\* Toler’ble, toler’ble. **Northern sophistication.** I’m like two terror attacks back to back – all you’ll talk about for weeks. **Midwestern sophistry** Huh? **Southern California aplomb.** Dude, as if. **Northern California cheeriness** I’m, like, glowing y’know? **Maybe you’re just hungry.** I’m ready to eat some breasts and thighs… and then maybe chicken. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/22 "2005-08-20T23:23:21Z")
If I genuinely like the person, "Better, _now._ While looking at them very deliberately in the eyes. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/23 "2005-08-21T01:03:52Z")
From _Guys and Dolls_: “I am well, but that could change.” ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/24 "2005-08-21T01:07:46Z")
“I am better than I was yesterday, and not as good as I’ll be tomorrow.” ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/25 "2005-08-21T01:11:24Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > If I genuinely like the person, > > "Better, _now._ While looking at them very deliberately in the eyes. Or if you don’t like the person: "Well, I _was_ doing pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/26 "2005-08-21T01:27:19Z")
I’m gonna rule this to be way, way, way more suited to MPSIMS than to Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/27 "2005-08-21T01:34:13Z")
For the guardedly optimistic: “Okay _so_ far.” ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/28 "2005-08-21T02:44:32Z")
Packing nine and feeling fine? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/29 "2005-08-21T03:11:27Z")
For _Buffy_ fans (and to almost guarantee a 😕 in response): “5 by 5.” ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/30 "2005-08-21T03:23:50Z")
“I think a better question is: how are I not?” ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/31 "2005-08-21T04:30:32Z")
“It’s too early to tell.” “Groovey!” “Done.” Tris ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/32 "2005-08-21T04:30:40Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > “5 by 5.” How did Ham radio get into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/33 "2005-08-21T04:52:39Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > “Snug as a bug in a carpet!” I’ve always heard that as “snug as a bug in a rug!” I’m not sure which way would irritate more - a cute rhyme, or a mis-spoken old saying. One sure to please - a really, really chipper “Super!” ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/34 "2005-08-21T06:55:05Z")
“Fair to partly cloudy” always makes me cringe. > [@](#): > > I’m so broke I can drink muddy water and sleep in a hollow log. Anytime you quote Mississippi Fred McDowell, you have used a Good Line. ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/35 "2005-08-21T06:57:25Z")
There’s a guy at work that always asks me, “And how’s soulmurk today?” to which, for some reason, I always reply, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/36 "2005-08-21T07:04:48Z")
Fine, but it’s early. A LOT can go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/37 "2005-08-21T07:07:14Z")
A waitress once ask a patron at the local Waffle House as he was comming in: “How are you today?” To which he responded: “Old, fat and bald.” (which he was) It gave me quite the chuckle. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/38 "2005-08-21T07:44:09Z")
Doing as well as can be expected, considering my hourly wage is equal to the price of a gallon of gas. ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/39 "2005-08-21T09:24:50Z")
Well, I was recently put off guard by someone responding “Word!” to my how are you. And then beatboxing during our conversation. Go with that. ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2005, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882/40 "2005-08-21T09:26:16Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > For _Buffy_ fans (and to almost guarantee a 😕 in response): > > “5 by 5.” LOL. I’ve been tempted to use this. I’m a buffy nerd. Is there a support group I can join? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corny-responses-to-how-are-you-i-need-them/317882.md?page=3)