# Corporate Speak That Pisses You Off **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 24, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852 "2020-12-24T23:02:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/1 "2020-12-24T23:02:53Z")
My two contributions: 1. Today I heard about a “Call Navigator” who would answer my call shortly when on hold for an hour. How about you staff your place to answer my fucking phone call? I just want an answer from a human. I don’t want to be directed or navigated. 2. Hotels and restaurants referring to customers as “guests.” Nope. I have guests in my house. They pay for nothing. They are there by permission and invitation. These places are referring to “customers” which all businesses have and there is nothing wrong with that word. But don’t tell me I’m a guest and then give me a bill. Others? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/2 "2020-12-24T23:14:14Z")
“Associates”. No, they are fucking employees. Just because you pay them ort does not give you the right to use a chickenshit euphemism. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/3 "2020-12-24T23:21:10Z")
Any kind of faddy acronym. Just do your jobs. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/4 "2020-12-24T23:25:23Z")
Making a list of “action items” after a meeting. Using the word “issue” instead of “problem.” ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/5 "2020-12-24T23:37:28Z")
Sharing. No, you’re fucking not _sharing_ that: you’re offering it for a fee. That’s not sharing. Restaurants aren’t involved in food-sharing. The power company isn’t all about sharing electricity. And that’s not “ride-sharing”, that’s a taxi/livery service. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2020, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/6 "2020-12-24T23:56:00Z")
**Space**. Like the one between your fucking ears. ---
**Author:** ![aurora\_maire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aurora_maire/32/328_2.png) [@aurora\_maire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurora_maire)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/7 "2020-12-25T00:08:30Z")
I always hated huddle. There was the morning huddle. And the unexpected got to huddle asap. When we moved into our fancy new building with an open concept, we had Huddle Rooms. And Think Rooms. It was stupid. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/8 "2020-12-25T00:11:09Z")
Corporate speak gets skewered. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/GyV_UG60dD4/maxresdefault.jpg ""Weird Al" Yankovic - Mission Statement") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/9 "2020-12-25T00:25:54Z")
Anything from the Personnel Department. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/10 "2020-12-25T00:39:53Z")
I think that’s Poisonel Department. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/11 "2020-12-25T00:57:14Z")
Our bank’s rep keeps emailing me that she’ll “circle back” to me with the answers to my questions. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/12 "2020-12-25T01:22:56Z")
“Rightsizing.” Wouldn’t we all understand one another better if we broke down and acknowledged that the “right” size is always smaller? ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/13 "2020-12-25T02:16:06Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Our bank’s rep keeps emailing me that she’ll “circle back” to me with the answers to my questions. How does one circle forward? _Can_ one? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/14 "2020-12-25T02:16:43Z")
Visionary thought leaders can circle forward. Peons cannot. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/15 "2020-12-25T02:50:51Z")
You had one of those? We always had Human Resources. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/16 "2020-12-25T04:23:34Z")
There has long been a trend to incorporate business terms into medicine. You can talk about queuing theory, the Toyota way, six sigma and lean maunfacturing. You can call patients clients or customers and discuss their journey and experience. But this by itself rarely produces better care or improved waiting times. This is still done by putting more staff when the hospital is busiest even though these hours may be inconvenient. Or by actually caring about people. I do have fond memories of a hospital CEO who would tell us the latest garbage buzzwords he _needed_ to use to make his voice heard and get our fair share of funding. At least he knew they were garbage and saw the humour that was there. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Paul\_was\_in\_Saudi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_was_in_Saudi)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/17 "2020-12-25T05:44:52Z")
Almost on-topic. You remember the movie _Airplane!_ that featured the two Black men speaking in jive? A remake would have to have two businessmen speaking in business nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Enjoy\_Slurm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enjoy_slurm/32/3937_2.png) [@Enjoy\_Slurm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enjoy_Slurm)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/18 "2020-12-25T05:59:41Z")
They should just call it what it is, Maintaining Profit. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/19 "2020-12-25T06:05:14Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > Hotels and restaurants referring to customers as “guests.” Nope. I have guests in my house. They pay for nothing. They are there by permission and invitation. These places are referring to “customers” which all businesses have and there is nothing wrong with that word. But don’t tell me I’m a guest and then give me a bill. No, this is not corporate speak, it’s standard English. Your notion that the definition of guest excludes paying guests is mistaken. For a hotel, “guest” is the standard term, and “customer” sounds quite odd to me and ngram confirms that it is rarely used. [Google ngram comparison of “hotel guest” vs “hotel customer”](https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=hotel+guest+%2C+hotel+customer&year_start=1800&year_end=2019&corpus=26&smoothing=3&direct_url=t1%3B%2Chotel%20guest%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chotel%20customer%3B%2Cc0) > **[Definition of GUEST](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/guest)** > > a person entertained in one's house; a person to whom hospitality is extended; a person who pays for the services of an establishment (such as a hotel or restaurant)… See the full definition ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2020, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/20 "2020-12-25T10:38:04Z")
Then the term has been misused long enough to make it into the dictionary. It is still corporate garbage. If I pay for something, I am not a guest, full stop. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852.md?page=2)