# Corporate Speak That Pisses You Off **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 24, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852 "2020-12-24T23:02:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2021, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/405 "2021-05-20T16:37:38Z")
I am tired of hearing something broke the Internet. It’s been broken for years. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/406 "2021-05-21T05:20:49Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > “We have a great culture” = If you don’t act happy all the time you’ll be fired. Ouch. I tell candidate’s that about my company but I follow it up by giving them examples of the great culture. Good work/life balance, managers generally treat employees like people, etc., etc. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/407 "2021-05-21T10:29:29Z")
> [@Typo\_Knig](#): > > “Leading Practice” is weasel-wording for what we used to call “Best Practice”, because what if it’s not really the “best”? “If jumping off a cliff was the leading practice among your friends, would you do it too?” ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/408 "2021-05-21T12:59:45Z")
I can tell you that we once hired a consulting firm whose website proudly featured as past clients a list of stalwarts of our industry that had one thing in common. They were ALL bankrupt or otherwise out of business. This was entirely unsurprising as our COO was formerly the CEO of one of our bankrupt and liquidated competitors. He had hired this same firm who had helped him “cut costs all the way to zero” i.e. shut down the company, defaulted on hundreds of millions in pension obligations and paid him millions in retention and performance bonuses on the way down. Fortunately our parent company realized he was a disaster and canned him within a year. His (COO’s) next job was in his home country where four years later he was found to have embezzled millions from a company that was over 100 years old and driven them into bankruptcy as well. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/409 "2021-05-21T14:39:02Z")
Double-click. DOUBLE-CLICK. Double-click has wormed its way into our work vernacular with a new hire into a senior role. It makes my eye twitch. ---
**Author:** ![tofor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tofor/32/13727_2.png) [@tofor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tofor)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/410 "2021-05-21T15:21:10Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Double-click has wormed its way into our work vernacular with a new hire into a senior role. It makes my eye twitch. Not one I’ve heard. How is it used (I assume they don’t mean a literal double-click on a computer)? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/411 "2021-05-21T15:36:38Z")
It’s the new version of “drill down”, which in turn replaced “peeling back onion” ---
**Author:** ![tofor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tofor/32/13727_2.png) [@tofor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tofor)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/412 "2021-05-21T15:38:39Z")
Wow. That’s so bad. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/413 "2021-05-21T17:30:47Z")
Yep, Mighty\_Mouse got it. Basically to deep-dive on a topic. (shiver) “I’d like to double-click on what you just said…” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/414 "2021-05-21T17:40:31Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Yep, Mighty\_Mouse got it. Basically to deep-dive on a topic. (shiver) “I’d like to double-click on what you just said…” - Just wait until they start “keystroking.” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/415 "2021-05-21T21:35:22Z")
Didn’t some TV celeb or famous print author get in trouble recently for keystroking on Zoom when he thought the camera was off? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/416 "2021-05-21T22:28:13Z")
> [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > I can tell you that we once hired a consulting firm whose website proudly featured as past clients a list of stalwarts of our industry that had one thing in common. They were ALL bankrupt or otherwise out of business. At least a web site is quickly editable. Can’t tell you how many expensive corporate brochures I designed, where they wanted their “best clients” or “stellar employees” featured in the _6-color plus varnish, foil-embossed on imported German paper_ brochure… I’d even tell the CEO “If you show ten employees… _poof_! Months later, eight of them are gone, maybe working for your competitor and laughing at your brochure.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2021, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/417 "2021-05-21T22:30:53Z")
It’s all those “hacks” that broke it. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2021, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/418 "2021-05-23T05:05:24Z")
I work for a company that wanted to expand so they hired a CEO that had bankrupted a large and popular chain of stores (not in our industry). My company was bankrupted in a year. Surprised right? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2021, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/419 "2021-05-25T05:53:49Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I’d even tell the CEO “If you show ten employees… _poof_ ! Months later, eight of them are gone, maybe working for your competitor and laughing at your brochure.” Easy fix for that one - show your ten worst employees. Gone and you don’t even have to pay them termination money. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2021, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/420 "2021-05-25T13:35:04Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Easy fix for that one - show your ten worst employees. Damn, WHY didn’t I think of that at the time? The client had a sense of humor, that would’ve gotten a chuckle. It was a big engineering firm that I was trying to talk out of the _“Our Most Valuable Resources” (Featured Employees)_ theme. And it was a 48-page brochure, CMYK+Pantone+Tinted Varnish, expensive to reprint. So they didn’t reprint, even after more than half of those Valuable Resources quit. They just hoped no one would say “Hey, isn’t that RIta, who works for CompetiTron Engineering…?” ---
**Author:** ![JohnnyWest](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnnywest/32/7223_2.png) [@JohnnyWest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnnyWest)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/421 "2021-05-26T12:29:32Z")
Unpack. Ugh… ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/422 "2021-05-27T15:41:44Z")
Just saw a new (to me) term in the New York Times _The Morning_: “explainer”. Seems to mean “details” or maybe “background” – as may be, the term used sounds just a little Orwellian. We’d all think properly, don’t you know, if we just had things explained to us properly. Please, let’s ignore it, or mock it mercilessly if necessary, to make it go away as soon as possible. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/423 "2021-05-27T16:30:13Z")
When the default communication mode is no longer paragraphs but Twit-length sound bites, damn near everything needs a companion “explainer” with it to contain what used to be in the rest of the paragraph(s). Not so Orwellian as all that. I assume you’re already familiar with the long-standing PR and political term “backgrounder” meaning a document that provides the background necessary for a non-expert to understand and appreciate the wisdom, significance, or both of whatever the shiny new press release or speech is shinily touting. It also provides the filler a reporter might need to construct a newspaper or wire service article for a generic lay audience. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/424 "2021-05-27T17:42:41Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Didn’t some TV celeb or famous print author get in trouble recently for keystroking on Zoom when he thought the camera was off? 😉 “And he’ll have fun, fun, fun till his Daddy takes his keyboard away.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852.md?page=22)