# Corporate Speak That Pisses You Off **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 24, 2020, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852 "2020-12-24T23:02:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/123 "2020-12-26T20:26:46Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > That is not my experience at all. HR is there to protect the employer. I never have had any useful resources from HR. As Dogbert says, “You can’t spell ‘hurt’ without HR.” _Every_ department is there to further the goals of the company and HR is no different in that respect. Outside of open enrollment and certain mandatory training sessions, I never had much dealings with HR in any company I worked at either. But I’m in HR for a large company with thousands of employees, and almost every day I have employees contact me for assistance. For the most part they’re simple questions but sometimes they might need help with a reasonable accommodation, going on FMLA, or there might be a serious problem with a conflict between coworkers or their supervisors. And while, yes, we’re there to protect the employer, sometimes the best way to protect the employer is to make sure the employee is protected and treated fairly. Not that we’re perfect, there have been a few times I felt the employee got the short end of the stick. But there are some bad companies to work for and bad HR departments. My wife’s HR department can’t even answer basic questions and I often get upset at their competence on her behalf. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/124 "2020-12-26T20:46:23Z")
“We are leveraging existing internal resources?” Do you mean, “using what you got?” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/125 "2020-12-26T21:00:09Z")
> [@ZonexandScout](#): > > Do you mean, “using what you got?” Nope. We mean “Abusing what we got. Those resources (i.e. employees) were already overworked and now we’re adding another 20% more work on top. Pay them extra for the extra time this’ll take? What are you, some kind of Commie?” ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/126 "2020-12-26T21:33:20Z")
“Your call is very important to us.” [Inner voice responds: But obviously not so important that you’re willing to take any noticeable effort to make your answering system more pleasant than one of the mid levels of hell, beyond paying lip service to the idea.] ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/127 "2020-12-26T21:47:13Z")
Right. I was thinking about that when waiting for my “call navigator.” My call is very important. If it was that important, you would hire additional staff so I wasn’t on hold for so long. So it seems my call is not that important because you will make me wait for an hour. Not really “speak” but I have worked for companies before that when you are hired you get a very generous number of “sick” or “vacation” days (now “personal days”) but then whenever you decide to use them it isn’t the “right time” because we are “getting slammed” right now. Bonus points when those days expire at the end of the year and the boss doesn’t let you use them. I mean, the State of West Virginia gives you a day and a half of sick leave per month. That is 18 days per year. You might want to be settling up with your life insurance if you need 18 days of time off because you are sick for 18 work days each and every year. And the bosses know this. Despite those days being a part of your compensation, the boss will have a talk with people around day 10 and subtly accuse them of not really being sick, but calling off hungover, which may very well be true, but why do you offer the 18 days of sick pay then in the first place? They also permit you to “donate” your sick time, say if a fellow employee has a very ill family member and needs a lot of time off and you are made if feel like dogshit if you do not “donate.” That is corporate bullshit under the guise of being nice. If you want to give an employee extended paid time off to care for a sick family member, then fine; I have no problem with that policy. But don’t make everyone else give up their earned time. It seems like a bait and switch. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2020, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/128 "2020-12-26T22:44:09Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > It seems like a bait and switch. Underlining mine. You misspelled “is”. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/130 "2020-12-27T01:35:09Z")
Most of the time. However, I’m “right sizing” my department by adding 2 people due to some unexpected growth in our business. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/131 "2020-12-27T02:01:33Z")
Oh, wait for it. I just finished Daniel Pink’s Drive and Carol Dweck’s Mindset:How to Fulfill Your Potential; I’m already starting to see existing companies try to incorporate his described concepts into the existing framework without modification. You’re going to be battered with “taking ownership of the process”, and “Results Only Work Environments” without actually giving employees the ability to actually carry any of it out. Incidentally, drill down, solution forward, and circle back make me want to bury the bodies with a backhoe. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/132 "2020-12-27T02:28:42Z")
Did any of the rest of you get the silly little indoctrination film on “Cheese is what makes you happy?” Inspirational video… “But Charles went out and _looked_ for the cheese…” I was sickened. Kindergarten training videos for adult workers. And that was the g.d. sum total of the lesson: “Go out and look for opportunity.” There, I’m the equal of a multi-thousand dollar training video. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/133 "2020-12-27T02:33:45Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Nah, that argument doesn’t work. Dictionaries are not prescriptive. They describe how language is used. His argument is that the word has been used incorrectly for a long time. Doesn’t work? You want to nitpick me for supporting my position with a dictionary, yet you grant UltraVires a complete pass for just firmly insisting he’s correct with no supporting evidence whatsoever? Yeah, that doesn’t work at all chief, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Grey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@Earl\_Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Grey)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/134 "2020-12-27T03:35:15Z")
I haven’t been that lucky. I HAVE gotten the one where the guy makes wildly racist jokes right in front of his black and asian coworkers though. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/135 "2020-12-27T03:56:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The best way I could see to show his claim to be false would be to look at the etymological history, and seeing if the meaning of “customer of a hotel” predates the usage “person who is given accommodation by a host.” The difficulty with that is that “host”, like “guest”, has always had two meanings. It can be someone who takes in a friend or relation out of hospitality, at no charge. But it also meant the propriator of a lodging-place, who takes in paying guests. That usage goes back at least as far as Chaucer, who speaks of the “Hoost” of the inn where the pilgrims gather before leaving for Canterbury: > [@](#): > > Greet chiere made oure Hoost us everichon, > And to the soper sette he us anon, > And served us with vitaille at the beste: > Strong was the wyn and wel to drynke us leste. This discussion is very much like the recent discussion of “doctor”, and seems to ignore the fact that a word in English can have more than one meaning, both based on long-standing usage. For several centuries, “doctor” can mean someone with a higher degree, _or_ a medical practitioner. Both are valid meanings. So too “guest” and “host” can have both commercial and non-commercial meanings, and have had those parallel meanings for centuries. There’s no indication that “guest” meaning a “a person who pays to stay at a hotel” is an example of recent “corporate speak”, which is the point of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/136 "2020-12-27T04:13:20Z")
As per the moderation above, a debate about guests should occur in a separate post. Though I’m impressed you can quote Chaucer. It’s a bit of work to read it! ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/137 "2020-12-27T04:24:08Z")
Getting back to “Corporate Speak”, terms I would prefer not be used often include: - “We’ve got to work smarter, not harder”. I agree, but the follow-through is not always there. - “It’s early days yet”. Said when there are no results after significant effort. - “Paradigm shift”. People should not generally use words they can’t define. - “Move fast and break things”. Nothing wrong with innovation that is not immoral and does not break the law in spirit or practice. - “At the end of the day, it is what it is”. As comedian Gary Gulman points out, no great speeches contain this phrase. - “Seeking synergies”. Good for you! ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/138 "2020-12-27T04:25:59Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Did any of the rest of you get the silly little indoctrination film on “Cheese is what makes you happy?” Inspirational video… “But Charles went out and _looked_ for the cheese…” I’ve been rather fortunate in that most of my employers have not required me to go through that kind of bullshit training. I did take part in Crucial Conversations a few years ago but only because we ran our executives and management through it and we still had the instructors available so they sent HR. It wasn’t too bad though, just tips for making sure you have conversations that are necessary even if they’re unpleasant. I’ve read some somewhat silly books over the years. When we switched our HRIS to Workday I read a book about change that revolved around penguins. Switching to Workday was a huge change for our company, we actually had a lot of people retire rather than deal with it, and the book gave me some ideas for how to approach employees who were frustrated by the process. Seriously, almost every single one of them hated Workday when was switched to it and it took about two years for them to get over it. ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/139 "2020-12-27T05:13:42Z")
We aren’t “team members” or “associates” anymore. Now we are either EE or “cohorts.” When I spent the last year going to school one day a week, I wasn’t a student there with classmates, we all were “cohorts.” [Even with Covid we were in school since it was all hands-on for the fall semester.] ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/140 "2020-12-27T05:16:26Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > As per the moderation above, a debate about guests should occur in a separate post. Though I’m impressed you can quote Chaucer. It’s a bit of work to read it! Oops. My mistake. Didn’t see that mod post. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/141 "2020-12-27T07:05:56Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > I’ve been rather fortunate in that most of my employers have not required me to go through that kind of bullshit training. I did take part in Crucial Conversations a few years ago … Many years ago, I worked for a company that discovered “Shared Values”: > **[Vitalwork -- Shared Values Process](http://www.vitalwork.com/sharedvalues/welcome.html)** **Odesio** , did you ever hear about that program? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/142 "2020-12-27T09:23:41Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > - “We’ve got to work smarter, not harder”. I agree, but the follow-through is not always there. Every time I hear that one, I always think, "Yeah, right; smarter people would make their point without bizspeak jargon. > [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > - “At the end of the day, it is what it is”. As comedian Gary Gulman points out, no great speeches contain this phrase. I’m with GG on that as I thoroughly despise both of those nonsensical expressions (You quoted a “twofer”). At the end of the day, I’m taking my ass home; I’m done working. That’s all they need to know about “the end of the day”. And “It is what it is” is absolutely meaningless. It’s literally a buzzword. It’s just buzz. No semantic content whatsoever is contained in that buzz. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852/143 "2020-12-27T09:32:21Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Using the word “ping” when someone says they’re going to contact you, e.g. “I’ll ping you when I get there.” Honestly, the state of my mind - to me that suggests some playful interference with somebody’s intimate elastic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speak-that-pisses-you-off/928852.md?page=8)