# Corporate-speek that drives you mad? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 23, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596 "2004-07-23T22:53:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/61 "2004-07-27T15:37:37Z")
> [@](#): > > I hate the term “deliverables”. What’s wrong with just saying “I expect all tasks to be done?” or the even more simple “I expect everything to be done”? Probably because that is not the meaning of the word _deliverables_ (as noted in a prior post). Deliverables indicate various efforts or objects that can be “delivered.” In installing a computer system, depending on the venue, this could include the actual server on which it will operate, the installed software, manuals to be distributed to various users and support personnel, passwords, and the training to continue using the system once the project has been turned over. If the customer already owns the hardware, the hardware is no longer a deliverable. If the customer refuses to pay for training, training is not a deliverable. For the installation of a water line, the deliverables can include the actual pipe and fittings, installed, the testing of the lines to establish that there are no leaks, the prints of the original designs, the “as built” corrections that identify where the pipe was _really_ installed, regardless where the design print claimed it would be, the chlorination of the line with a report by the water department that the bacteria count in the new line has been reduced to a sufficiently low level, and the restoration of disturbed property to a condition acceptable by the property owners. No money is paid to the contractor until each of these disparate collections of reports, documents, physical objects, and labor have been completed. This is not simply a list of tasks. The task of preparing the design print and the “as built” print is immaterial until the appropriate governing bodies have received the physical print (or, more typically, computer image, either on disk or by e-mail or ftp). (Yes, you can call the delivery a task, but it is confusing when discussing what has been _delivered_ if you are looking for an object and someone keeps referring to the work to deliver the object.) Deliverable is a handy, single word that provides a list of everything (physical or not) that must be _delivered_ for the project to be completed. This is not to say that the word is not abused, and I have no problem with excoriating people who are misusing words or turning valid terms into meaningless buzzwords, but often the actual words have legitimate meanings. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/62 "2004-07-27T16:34:44Z")
> [@Jurph](#): > > We already have a perfectly cromulent word for when one thing has an impact on another: “Affected”. As in, _“the contamination of solvents from runway spills has **affected** the soil and drinking water”._ Or effected. 🙂 My personal favorite: “Change for a paradigm” How the hell can you have a verb for a specific model? > [@Chairman Pow](#): > > I’m still excited when I shat out a list of buzzwords that made that guy’s head spin. He went to the CEO and told him I was the most brilliant man in the company. The CEO realized that I was fucking with the MBA-candidate, but nonetheless, I moved up from cubicle troll to being promoted a number of times. All thanks to people who think buzzwordz are kewl. Maybe that’s my problem. I tend to speak in English, so the people who work for me can understand me. Maybe if I start speaking in buzzwords… Sure, my folks will not have a clue what I’m saying, but my bosses will like me. Oh, and maybe if I stop deconstructing their ideas. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/63 "2004-07-27T20:01:41Z")
Last week our bonehead manager came up with “key take-away,” as in “the key-take-aways from this meeting are …,” and a whole new level of crapspeak was reached. Going forward I’m going to utilize key take-away in all my action items. ---
**Author:** ![Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f04885/32.png) [@Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ninja_Pizza_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/64 "2004-07-28T02:06:01Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > My personal favorite: “Change for a paradigm” Four nickels? Or would that be “nidigls”? ---
**Author:** ![Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f04885/32.png) [@Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ninja_Pizza_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/65 "2004-07-28T02:08:12Z")
> [@Trigonal Planar](#): > > I’m surprised nobody has mentioned “ **pushing the envelope** ”. Maybe not so much corporate speak, but I hear it EVERYWHERE and it makes me crazy. re: **pushing the envelope** : I remember reading (but not where) the thing people don’t like to mention about “pushing the envelope”. If you graph it, all changes from zero move up and to the right, into the upper-right corner, which, on an envelope, is where you cancel it. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596/66 "2004-07-28T03:06:26Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > So, if it’s not some “man in a truck” but instead I deliver the reports, drawings and CDs to the client in my own car, or if I arrange to have them delivered by FedEX or UPS, I can’t call those items “deliverables”? “Products.” Please drive through 🆒 > [@](#): > > I no longer longer just have skills, now I have skill sets! Apparently my skills now come in in batches. _Twitch, twitch_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corporate-speek-that-drives-you-mad/256596.md?page=3)