# Corrupted Wish Game **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 3, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837 "2008-05-03T01:33:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/141 "2008-05-06T06:54:49Z")
[QUOTE=Mosier] I wish for neighbors who won’t hit my parked car while they’re driving drunk. [/QUOTE] Your new neighbors move in this week. And starting next Tuesday, they begin to use your parked car for target practice with their wrist rockets. Nope, not drunk, nor stoned. Just for the fun of seeing the dents growing on your car. I wish I had a circadian rhythm, once again. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/142 "2008-05-06T13:29:20Z")
You have a circadian rhythm once more. Alas, it’s seriously messed up, and now your body always thinks it’s 4:13am. So you go through the rest of your life groggy and disoriented. I wish Hillary and Barack would quickly and amicably resolve their differences so that the Democratic nominee wins by a landslide in November. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/143 "2008-05-06T13:42:50Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] You have a circadian rhythm once more. Alas, it’s seriously messed up, and now your body always thinks it’s 4:13am. So you go through the rest of your life groggy and disoriented. I wish Hillary and Barack would quickly and amicably resolve their differences so that the Democratic nominee wins by a landslide in November. [/QUOTE] They do, and the Dem nominee cruises to a landslide victory. However, they have Anti-Coattails, which enables the Pubbies to win a Supra-Majority in Congress, which they ruthlessly use to marginalize the President and force their agenda down the throat of the American public. Edit: I wish I could remember to make a wish. ---
**Author:** ![Soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/144 "2008-05-06T13:50:31Z")
You are gifted with the ability to remember to make a wish in every situation in which a wish is appropriate – threads such as this, wishing wells, shooting stars, birthday candle extinguishing rituals, etc. To ensure that this ability is never lost, several redundant backup structures are partitioned in your brain. Unfortunately, these partitions, now dedicated to wish-remembrance, overlay several important functions which previously occupied those spaces. You no longer have the ability to do algebra, taste most types of fruit, perform any complex opening gambit in chess, reset your wireless router, control your bowels, read vowels, or exercise discretion when you become sexually aroused. You are not fun at parties. I wish that my finals were over and that I had made perfect scores on them, securing my spot as an honor graduate from this little University of mine. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/145 "2008-05-06T14:15:10Z")
[QUOTE=Soul] I wish that my finals were over and that I had made perfect scores on them, securing my spot as an honor graduate from this little University of mine. [/QUOTE] Congratulations! You’re now an honor graduate of the University of Mine. Unfortunately, nobody recognizes it as a real school, so your degree is useless. I wish all our cats would get along well. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/146 "2008-05-06T14:29:45Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] Congratulations! You’re now an honor graduate of the University of Mine. Unfortunately, nobody recognizes it as a real school, so your degree is useless. I wish all our cats would get along well. [/QUOTE] Every cat in the world gets along well, and they all join together and take over the world. I wish I could remember where I put that damn file. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/147 "2008-05-06T15:19:43Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Every cat in the world gets along well, and they all join together and take over the world. I wish I could remember where I put that damn file. [/QUOTE] You remember where you put the file! It’s in the sub-basement in the room with a “Beware of Jaguar” sign on the door. Laughing at the _Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_ reference, you walk into the room to get the file, and are eaten by a jaguar. I wish I had a car that got 250 miles to the gallon. ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/148 "2008-05-06T16:08:38Z")
[QUOTE=Wargamer] I wish I had a car that got 250 miles to the gallon. [/QUOTE] You have a car that gets 250 mpg of your blood. You are 251 miles from the edge of the desert. I wish that citizens of the USA were civically and environmentally aware and invovled. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/149 "2008-05-06T19:50:30Z")
Done! Their newly-rekindled civics awareness leads them to the curious conclusion that only an outright U.S. military conquest of the planet will save humanity. The President, eager to reverse his low poll ratings, is only too happy to oblige. I wish Cecil would interact more with those on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/150 "2008-05-06T19:58:21Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] I wish Cecil would interact more with those on the SDMB. [/QUOTE] Who says I don’t? Uh … he doesn’t! Yeah, that’s it, who says _he_ doesn’t? Not me. Nope, never. Pshaw! Um, Ed? Little help? I wish I could find my favorite baseball cap. ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/151 "2008-05-06T20:38:22Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] I wish I could find my favorite baseball cap. [/QUOTE] Easily accomplished; it’s in your favorite dog! I wish the build for the new servers was done. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/152 "2008-05-06T21:51:58Z")
[QUOTE=Redwing] I wish the build for the new servers was done. [/QUOTE] It’s done! Too bad Creative Loathing just fired – I mean, downsized all the hardware people in the IT department. The SDMB servers will never be upgraded or otherwise maintained again. I wish to know the maximal quantity of lumber in board-feet that a typical representative specimen of _Marmota monax_ can throw a distance of 3m in a period of 1 hour, assuming that the lumber has been divided into pieces of an appropriate size enabling the _M. monax_ to accomplish the task. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/153 "2008-05-06T21:54:42Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] It’s done! Too bad Creative Loathing just fired – I mean, downsized all the hardware people in the IT department. The SDMB servers will never be upgraded or otherwise maintained again. I wish to know the maximal quantity of lumber in board-feet that a typical representative specimen of _Marmota monax_ can throw a distance of 3m in a period of 1 hour, assuming that the lumber has been divided into pieces of an appropriate size enabling the _M. monax_ to accomplish the task. [/QUOTE] The powers that be have decided that the optimal way to give you this knowledge is to have the woodchuck chuck the wood at you. (assuming of course that they could chuck wood) Enjoy! I wish for upper management in my office to have a favorable view of me. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/154 "2008-05-06T22:03:45Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] I wish for upper management in my office to have a favorable view of me. [/QUOTE] They do. Let’s just say the view they like a _whole_ lot involves infrared lighting, the smallest habitable room in your house and a videotape that has segments that always end with swirling water. And it has nothing to do with promotions or pay increases. I wish someone would really throw away the cars and the bars in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/155 "2008-05-06T22:11:07Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] I wish someone would really throw away the cars and the bars in the world. [/QUOTE] Rapture by Blondie: > [@](#): > > You go out at night, eatin’ cars > You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too > Mercuries and Subarus > And you don’t stop, you keep on eatin’ cars > Then, when there’s no more cars > You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet > Face to face, dance cheek to cheek > One to one, man to man > Dance toe to toe > Don’t move too slow, ‘cause the man from Mars > Is through with cars, he’s eatin’ bars > Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall > He’s gonna eat 'em all So when the Blondie is done there are no more cars or bars, but you’re in the man from Mars. I wish for chocolate pudding to appear whenever I want it to appear. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/156 "2008-05-07T01:29:33Z")
Sorry, you didn’t specify _where_ the pudding appears, so it ends up in the seat of your car, dumped on the head of your wife, on the surface of Mars, and in the breakfast bowl of Zarquiz the Puzzled, Third Triemperor of the Kulingan Star Empire. I wish that Jack Nicklaus would come into possession of a bottle of the Fountain of Youth elixir, get de-aged back to age 30, and challenge Tiger Woods on the PGA Tour, since nobody else (other than random journeymen) seems interested. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/157 "2008-05-07T01:39:03Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] I wish that Jack Nicklaus would come into possession of a bottle of the Fountain of Youth elixir, get de-aged back to age 30, and challenge Tiger Woods on the PGA Tour, since nobody else (other than random journeymen) seems interested. [/QUOTE] He may be a thirty-year-old in body, but his birth certificate still makes him a sixty-something. Rather than do the hard work of challenging Tiger Woods, he’s decided to make an easier fortune playing on the Champions Tour. I wish the Met-Life building would gently slide off its foundation and move into a cornfield in Ottumwa, Iowa. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/158 "2008-05-07T03:05:02Z")
[QUOTE=Governor Quinn] He may be a thirty-year-old in body, but his birth certificate still makes him a sixty-something. Rather than do the hard work of challenging Tiger Woods, he’s decided to make an easier fortune playing on the Champions Tour. I wish the Met-Life building would gently slide off its foundation and move into a cornfield in Ottumwa, Iowa. [/QUOTE] Done. However, the records of all MetLife insurance policies were destroyed in the 1,000 mile slide, which also destroyed I-80. I wish Ottumwa, Iowa would become the cultural and intellectual center of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/159 "2008-05-07T03:22:58Z")
Done. Angry citizens of New York, London, Paris, Tokyo, Rome, Berlin and a dozen other cities jealously destroy it and plow the land under with salt. I wish my food never had too much salt. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837/160 "2008-05-07T03:33:54Z")
Well, the wish-granter, uncertain whether you wanted to be limited by what you found a proper tasting amount of salt, or by a healthy amount of salt, has chosen to act so that there will never be any salt in any of your foods. No matter how that affects the taste. Nor can you make up the lack yourself. Salt poured onto, or mixed in, food you intend to consume will simply quietly disappear. Within a week you start having dreams about being able to chew on a piece of salt cod. I wish I could pilot a dirigible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish-game/447837.md?page=9)