# Corrupted Wish **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [February 4, 2012, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724 "2012-02-04T03:15:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/221 "2012-02-18T23:56:31Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I wish bacon had all of the flavor, but no calories. They genetically engineered all bacon to use Olestra instead of fat. It _tastes_ the same. I’ll leave it at that. I wish I could run a 50 mile ultramarathon in 5 hours. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/222 "2012-02-19T00:03:59Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > They genetically engineered all bacon to use Olestra instead of fat. It _tastes_ the same. I’ll leave it at that. > > I wish I could run a 50 mile ultramarathon in 5 hours. You can. Everyone else in the world can now run it in under 3 hours. you’re famous world-wide as “The Slow One”. I wish I could eat the Olestra bacon with no ill effects. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/223 "2012-02-19T00:57:38Z")
You can. Too bad the Olestra Bacon Cartel charges $1000 a slice. I wish I had my very own cartel. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/224 "2012-02-19T01:05:54Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > You can. Too bad the Olestra Bacon Cartel charges $1000 a slice. > > I wish I had my very own cartel. You have the bubble-gum cartel At first it’s great, you’re making money hand over fist. Then the report comes out that bubble-gum is carcinogenic to an extent never seen before. Overnight, the bubble bursts. 😃 I wish I had a $1000 for a slice of Olestra bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/225 "2012-02-19T01:25:47Z")
Poof - you do! The nearly-omniscient Cartel notices, of course, so the price doubles before you can get to the supermarket. I wish I could shop for free in any supermarket. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/226 "2012-02-19T01:28:16Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Poof - you do! The nearly-omniscient Cartel notices, of course, so the price doubles before you can get to the supermarket. > > I wish I could shop for free in any supermarket. You can, it’s called the five finger discount. Guess what else happens. I wish I had a kosher pig. ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/227 "2012-02-19T02:01:53Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > She’ll enjoy it so much that she’ll buy a violin and play it loudly every waking moment. If only she had just an ounce of talent… ☹ > > I wish that my new push lawnmower will make mowing the lawn easy. When I read this I thought you said I wish that my new push lawnmower will make mowing the lawn **SEXY**. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/228 "2012-02-19T06:39:00Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > You can, it’s called the five finger discount. Guess what else happens. > > I wish I had a kosher pig. You do. It’s 700 pounds, insanely carnivorous, bulletproof, and in your house. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/229 "2012-02-19T12:21:18Z")
> [@Love\_Rhombus](#): > > You do. It’s 700 pounds, insanely carnivorous, bulletproof, and in your house. I wish Rhombus had left us a wish . . . ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/230 "2012-02-19T12:33:34Z")
Granted, but it’s such a bizarre and horrific desire, you go completely mad when you hear it. I wish, I wish, I hadn’t killed that fish. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/231 "2012-02-19T12:42:34Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Granted, but it’s such a bizarre and horrific desire, you go completely mad when you hear it. > > I wish, I wish, I hadn’t killed that fish. The fish is now alive and it’s so grateful it wants to be near you , all the time, night and day. It wants to be your very best friend ever. And you’re allergic. Now I want a fish dinner. Cooked. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/232 "2012-02-19T16:03:54Z")
2,000 pounds of delicately roasted sturgeon lands on your house and crushes all within. I wish I had the power of perfect concentration. ETA: Realized that whale is not, of course, a fish. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/233 "2012-02-19T16:08:59Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > 180 tons of delicately roasted Blue Whale lands on your house and crushes all within. > > I wish I had the power of perfect concentration. Aside: Should have been a Sperm Whale garnished with a bowl of petunias. 😉 You start concentrating on threading a needle and fail to notice anything else around you. Ever. I wish I lived near an inactive quarry. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/234 "2012-02-19T16:19:01Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > I wish I lived near an inactive quarry. It’s been abandoned for so long that it has become haunted, the stones themselves becoming possessed, and the next morning they start stomping on your car, ultimately turning it into a cube. > [@Tengu](#): > > I wish, I wish, I hadn’t killed that fish. I wish that the next person who steals [a wish which has already been made](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14754827&postcount=132) has his/her armpits infested by the fleas of a 1,000 camels. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/235 "2012-02-19T16:25:06Z")
They do. And they become obsessed with hugging you, long and often. I wish I had a magic purse, which would sipense as many $50 bills as I aksed it for at any time. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/236 "2012-02-19T16:33:33Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > They do. And they become obsessed with hugging you, long and often. > > I wish I had a magic purse, which would sipense as many $50 bills as I aksed it for at any time. Too bad a few typos prevents it from working. I wish I had a magic wallet. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/237 "2012-02-19T16:34:47Z")
sniped ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/238 "2012-02-19T17:10:17Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Too bad a few typos prevents it from working. > > I wish I had a magic wallet. POOF! Every time you go to pay for something, it magically disappears! I wish I had nice, toned abs and no cellulite on my thighs. ::waits hopefully:: ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/239 "2012-02-19T17:13:53Z")
> [@KinkiNipponTourist](#): > > POOF! Every time you go to pay for something, it magically disappears! > > I wish I had nice, toned abs and no cellulite on my thighs. > > ::waits hopefully:: All your cellulite is now covering your nice, toned abs. I wish there was a Dairy Queen here in town. ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724/240 "2012-02-19T17:17:34Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > All your cellulite is now covering your nice, toned abs. > > I wish there was a Dairy Queen here in town. POOF! Aside from that pesky extra chromosome, you’ve got your Dairy Queen! She’s 6’5" and 240lbs, and likes ice cream just as much as you do! Too bad there are no ice cream parlors around… I’d like it if Haagen Dasz built a nice big ice cream parlor right next to my house, and gave discounts to locals… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/corrupted-wish/611724.md?page=13)