# Cosmic Collision: What would you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011 "2000-11-20T19:05:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/1 "2000-11-20T19:05:16Z")
Imagine an Armageddon type scenario: a 10 Km asteroid on a collision course with Earth inches closer to sending us into oblivion. Impact date: one week from today. No Bruce Willis in sight to save the day. **What will you do on your last week on this planet?** Have fun like crazy? Hide in your backyard bunker? Pray? Steal a space shuttle and fly away into outer space? Go to Disneyland? On a related note, **what fantastic method would you propose to save Earth’s population from imminent doom?** Have all 6 billion earthlings get on one side of the Earth and jump simultaneously to change Earth’s orbit and redirect it away from the asteroid’s path? Have 6 billion people fart in the direction of the asteroid to create an interplanetary hurricane capable of diverting its course? **What would you name the asteroid?** ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/2 "2000-11-20T21:45:33Z")
First of all, I would make a real effort to answer all those threads when I read them instead of waiting until later–when the poor OP is feeling like nobody loves them, or worse yet, blown into little bits by some astroid. 😃 I think I would try to visit the U.K.–since that’s been a big dream of mine since childhood. I’d also eat all those foods I never indulge in and miss so much. Yes, brownies. Yes, divinity. Yes, more Chinese take-out. I’d listen to all my favorite music–constantly. I’d buy my kids anything they wanted. I’d call everyone I care about and tell them the dirtiest joke I could think of. And I probably would never lose hope that we’d figure out a way out of it. Especially since I’d have spent all my money on fun things and would have nothing for car/house payments/food/bills. That’d be my luck. ---
**Author:** ![idiotboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/3 "2000-11-20T21:59:08Z")
I’d run up one hell of a Credit Card bill on hookers and drugs and chocolate and stuff 😃 …However, then I would REALLY hope that the Earth **does** get destroyed!! ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/4 "2000-11-20T22:20:11Z")
I would save the world by deflecting the asteroid using Silo’s monster penis. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/5 "2000-11-20T22:28:44Z")
um demo, **SMACK!** ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/6 "2000-11-20T22:30:26Z")
gotta just ignore it - maybe it’ll go away 🙂 other than that, the only thing I can be sure I’d do is marry my GF ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/7 "2000-11-20T22:57:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by idiotboy \* > \*\*I’d run up one hell of a Credit Card bill on hookers and drugs and chocolate and stuff 😃 …However, then I would REALLY hope that the Earth **does** get destroyed!! \*\* Hookers and dope dealers take Visa? ---
**Author:** ![SkinnyGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@SkinnyGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkinnyGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/8 "2000-11-20T23:23:02Z")
First I would change into some clean underwear. Having done that, realising I only have one week to read Clive Barker’s Everville _and_ Imajica _and_ David Brin’s entire second Uplift trilogy (and I always wanted to re-read Stephen King’s Desperation and Richard Bachman’s The Regulators), I would become very, very irate. No, I would become angry. I would create the rant of rants in the Pit, and forward the URL to the asteroid. I would refer to the asteroid as: Piss-Ant Little Rock That Had Better Let Me Finish Reading My Books Before I Really Get Mad. **Democritus** ’ suggestion might work as well. I haven’t been informed of the exact measurements, but it might work. And **blessedwolf** : the good ones do. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/9 "2000-11-20T23:37:45Z")
Assuming it was common knowledge, I’d probably try to find a cute girl and we’d screw like minks. Assuming it wasn’t common knowledge… Hey! That might be a good line! “Hey baby, I happen to know that the world is ending in a week. How about we go out in style?” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/10 "2000-11-20T23:41:41Z")
Aw, heck, only 10 km and you’re talking about it like it’s the end of the world? First, I’d calculate where it was going to hit, and make sure I was at least a few hundred kilometers away at the time. Then, I’d stockpile about three years worth of food and water. No problem. Oh, yeah, I might also see about defending myself from raiders who didn’t think to stockpile their own food. The only reason it killed the dinosaurs is that they didn’t know to stockpile. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/11 "2000-11-20T23:47:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Hookers and dope dealers take Visa? That, my friend, is why God created cash advances. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/12 "2000-11-20T23:48:37Z")
Hop a plane, and go have lots and lots of amazing sex. Hey, I’m going out smiling damn it! Oh, and I might call Chronos and find out where he’ll be staying, just in case ;). ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/13 "2000-11-20T23:50:28Z")
Considering that these asteroids always seem to be aimed at the US in the movies, I certainly would get on the first flight to Sweden, to ride it out with **Anniz**. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/14 "2000-11-21T00:04:42Z")
Mega-Kegger. ---
**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/15 "2000-11-21T03:06:40Z")
**Chronos** said: > [@](#): > > Aw, heck, only 10 km and you’re talking about it like it’s the end of the world? Since **Chronos** is getting picky about the destructive power of my asteroid, some clarifications are due: It is metallic, iron-nickel, so it packs a heavy punch. It is coming fast as hell, adding momentum and hence more energy to the impact detonation. Its incoming path is perpendicular to the point of impact, thus it will traverse the minimum amount of atmospheric distance possible for an earth-entering object. Of course, this type of trajectory minimizes the amount of mass loss generated by atmospheric friction and enhances the kick-ass potential of the asteroid. Now, regarding size: I thought about sticking to the **Armageddon** script and let it be “about the size of Texas,” but that would imply that it had to be Pallas, Vesta or another asteroid around that sizeable neighborhood. In the name of scientific congruency I arbitrarily assigned to it the “measly” 10 Km value. UPDATE: according to my recent calculations, ground zero will be located in the Atlantic Ocean. Oceanic impacts are the most catastrophic so we are really, really fucked. O.K. now, what IMMEDIATE effects could this asteroid–which, in the absence of better suggestions, I’m naming **Chronos** :D–have upon our lifestyle? ----A tsunami, possible several kilometers in height, devastates the Eastern US Coast. ----Reentering ejecta raises the global temperature above the threshold for global forest ignition, so expect most of the planet to be on fire, literally… Much of the existing plant life disappears. The remaining fauna will soon follow that path as it will be unable to undergo photosynthesis due the darkness derived from the Cosmic Winter occasioned by the atmospheric debris blocking out the sun. ----Volcanism, earthquakes, This could go for millennia. ----300 mile/hour winds. —Crops obliterated. ----Sizeable fragment of the population dead. ----Civilization destroyed. **Onto more long term effects** ----Bye, bye,food chain! Unless animals undergo a rather quick an unprecedented adaptation, they are doomed and so are those who feed on them–us. ----Cosmic winter. No sun for months or maybe even years. Freezing cold dudes! ----Ozone layer depletion in a matter of decades. **Summarizing** Those who survive wished they didn’t. They essentially go back to living like cavemen, under the worst climatic conditions and without the essential benefit of any food source to feed on–no animals, no plants. It would be just a matter of time before our species becomes extinct. I say that is pretty much a doomsday asteroid. But, just to make **Chronos** happy, I will use my brand new \*\* Acme electromagnetic protonic mass enhancer\*\* to make it increase its size to 100 km and ensure an instantaneous annihilation of the human race. 😃 BTW, **Chronos** , according to renowned space researcher Duncan Steel (my source for most of this info), the Chicxulub Crater could have been generated by a 20-40 Km impactor, instead of the traditionally accepted 10 Km offender. This due to the fact that consideration of gravitational slumping of the crater (a phenomena that causes it to be filled by “gravitational accretion” of the surrounding terrain, making it smaller than it originally was) was omitted from initial estimations of its size. As to how we can manage to avoid this seemingly certain doom, I am hoping that **Demo’s** assertions regarding **Silo’s** gigantic penis are true. If so, a clean hit could possibly destroy the asteroid and save mankind. Of course, that may diminish his penis’ size and upset the ladies, but heck, saving humanity implies certain sacrifices. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/16 "2000-11-21T04:19:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quasar \* > As to how we can manage to avoid this seemingly certain doom, I am hoping that **Demo’s** assertions regarding **Silo’s** gigantic penis are true. If so, a clean hit could possibly destroy the asteroid and save mankind. Of course, that may diminish his penis’ size and upset the ladies, but heck, saving humanity implies certain sacrifices. 🙂 > \*\* LMAO! Ok, Silo deploys several “mini-thermo-nuclear-tipped-rockets” towards the asteroid! At the last second! asteroid 200,000 miles away!!! The nukes at their proper respective coordinates (1,000 miles away from the asteroid, on an _inside tangent_ of the asteroid’s projection, in an arc-like array formation). **Silo detonates the nukes!!!** \<3 minute pause\> The asteroid has been successfully bumped off course!!! Yay!!! It misses the surface of the planet by a mere 40,000 miles!!! Mankind is saved!!! and I did it all for Unca Cece! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/17 "2000-11-21T04:41:11Z")
If we’ve only got one week, we’re fucked. But if possible, I would put myself on a boat, as close to g-0 as possible… none of this lingering waiting for the shockwave for our hero Tristan… Long, leisurly meal, genle lovemaking, and an OD on painkillers the right way for the entire family… just to make sure it wouldn’t hurt. Man, this thread has actually depressed me… wow… ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/18 "2000-11-21T05:12:21Z")
I would name the asteroid " Hilary". Other than that, I definately am not doing any more housework. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/19 "2000-11-21T05:14:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tristan \* > \*\* > Long, leisurly meal, genle lovemaking, and an OD on painkillers the right way for the entire family… just to make sure it wouldn’t hurt. > > \*\* Can’t resist…pain killers for the sex or impending doom :::::Ducking:::::::::::: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2000, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011/20 "2000-11-21T05:15:40Z")
Heh that would be :::::::::::: Ducking ::::::::::::::::::::: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cosmic-collision-what-would-you-do/42011.md?page=2)