# Cottonelle - Get Yer Ass Outta My Face! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947 "2008-04-04T17:13:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/21 "2008-04-04T20:14:41Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] It seemed as tho they bought every billboard in the damned station just to be sure everyone started and ended their commuting days thinking about assholes. [/QUOTE] I thought that was the general case even without Cottonelle ads. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/22 "2008-04-04T20:16:47Z")
[QUOTE=Jackmannii] I thought that was the general case even without Cottonelle ads. [/QUOTE] No, we start our days _staring_ at assholes. We try not to think about them. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/23 "2008-04-04T20:23:53Z")
[This](http://www.watchtower.no/images/can-u-see-jesus.png) is probably photoshopped. It’s funny anyway. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/24 "2008-04-04T21:42:43Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] No, we start our days _staring_ at assholes. We try not to think about them. [/QUOTE] I’m with you. I can’t get past that mirror either. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/25 "2008-04-04T22:37:55Z")
Inasmuch as Cottonelle is far and away the superior toilet paper, I’m sad to see them produce an ad that rubs so many people the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/26 "2008-04-04T22:48:26Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] Why did they choose that cute little fuzzy Golden Retriever puppy as an icon? Are we supposed to think Hey, that’s what I’d really like to wipe my ass with, but maybe the Cottonelle will represent a reasonable facsimile of the experience? [/QUOTE] Don’t knock it bud, it works. You need a dog that can fetch. Get done with your business and just power squat in front of the dog (about six feet away). Toss a tennis ball through your legs. Yell, “Fetch!” The rest usually takes care of itself. Only problem is that sometimes it takes a few passes, that’s why I have more than one dog. Oh, and if you’re a man, lift up your junk before tossing the ball through. Failure to do this equals pain. ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/27 "2008-04-04T23:58:57Z")
The bear-rabbit joke isn’t supposed to be funny because of the imagery of a bear wiping its ass with a rabbit. The humor is that the very feces wiped away by the rabbit probably contains the remains of other rabbits. That gets us thinking about animal culture and how absurd it is for us to anthropomorphize them. It’s not a joke, it’s a parable! If I had to come up with slogans for toilet paper, I would recommend: “It gets your rectum so clean that you had better go wipe right now, without even shitting, just to be sure.” I can just picture an infomercial right now, with an “expert” explaning all of the statistics of improperly wiped rectums. Maybe for a bidet. There’s a lot of money to be made there. People care about how much shit residue remains in their ass cracks. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2008, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/28 "2008-04-05T03:52:48Z")
Since we’re talking about anthopomorphizing ads and stuff, I just though I’d throw in a link to [Robot Chicken’s Cuddles Ad](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=748O5Rekbjk) - (WARNING- Disturbing to anyone who…well, anyone.) ---
**Author:** ![Tabula\_Rasa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@Tabula\_Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabula_Rasa)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/29 "2008-04-06T03:08:26Z")
I had one of my five year olds with me at a grocery store, shortly after the new Cottonelle packaging came out. He was riding in the cart and looking around while I shopped. He said, “Oh, good idea! Toilet paper for dogs.” ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/30 "2008-04-06T03:32:28Z")
God, those ads are annoying. Why have they launched such an aggressive ad campaign all of a sudden? I usually just buy whatever catches my eye at the time, but now I feel like avoiding Cottonelle just on principle. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/31 "2008-04-06T10:04:32Z")
I hate the ads but I love Cottenelle. So I’m sticking to it. (Slightly disturbing pun not intended but remaining.) To me the Charmin bears are more annoying…red and blue bears running around doing the cha-cha, eating ice-cream, and shitting behind trees. Damn the Charmin bears. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/32 "2008-04-06T13:53:45Z")
I’d rather see them use a Golden Retriever puppy as a mascot than the stupid bunch of flat-faced Persian kittens they used when I was a kid (in their Canadian ad campaigns, at least) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/33 "2008-04-06T15:38:05Z")
The white kittens appear to not be flat-faced Persians any more (from the last commercial I saw). I always thought the kittens would be a lot cuter if they weren’t genetic freaks. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/34 "2008-04-06T15:45:17Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] Hell, not even that cute chick! [/QUOTE] Oh no! Annoying toilet paper ads has made you stop looking at cute chicks! Say it ain’t so!! What is the world coming to?! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947/35 "2008-04-06T17:27:58Z")
If you hate those commercials, then you’lll hate the one that ran on Canadian television for nearly two decades, or so it seemed. It featured cute, fuzzy white kittens running through through a house with white carpet and white furniture, dragging white TP behind them. EDIT: beaten by **Elenfair**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cottonelle-get-yer-ass-outta-my-face/443947.md?page=1)