# Could a Hobbit and a human interbreed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 11, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304 "2009-02-11T01:11:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/21 "2009-02-11T17:53:16Z")
There’s a nasty joke in here, if only I were more knowledgeable about Middle Earth. Old joke from the 80’s: What do elephants use for vibrators? Epileptic dolphins. Replace elephants with some big, preferably evil, creature from ME and dolphins with Hobbits, et voila! Somebody help me out here. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/22 "2009-02-11T17:57:55Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > There’s a nasty joke in here, if only I were more knowledgeable about Middle Earth. > > Old joke from the 80’s: > What do elephants use for vibrators? > Epileptic dolphins. > > Replace elephants with some big, preferably evil, creature from ME and dolphins with Hobbits, et voila! Somebody help me out here. Many possible answers. Dragons (of which there are several kinds), Trolls, Ents, Entwives, even Fell Beasts if you want to use the annoying Peter-Jackson-influenced term. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/23 "2009-02-11T19:17:17Z")
> [@](#): > > To his astonishment, and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a vast shape crash out of the trees and come careering down the slope. Big as a house, much bigger than a house, it looked to him, a grey-clad moving hill. Fear and wonder, maybe enlarged him in the hobbits eyes. But the Mumak of Harad was indeed a beast of vast bulk, and the like of him does not walk now in Middle-earth: his kin that live still now in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. –from _Furb-lore of the Shire (Bill the Pony and Other Ribald Tales)_, by “M.B.” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/24 "2009-02-11T19:21:51Z")
Oh, my…who knew Sam was a chubby-chaser? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/25 "2009-02-11T23:57:31Z")
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**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/26 "2009-02-12T04:56:31Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Pervy hobbit-fancier! Careful, Sam will kill you if you try anything… Still not King yet! ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/27 "2009-02-12T05:05:44Z")
I say yes, and the result would be called a “three-quarterling”. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/28 "2009-02-12T05:11:27Z")
> [@MeDrewNotYou](#): > > Tangential, but… If you want to go the D&D route and substitute ‘Halflings’ for ‘Hobbits,’ I’d have little doubt that it would be possible. Size could be an issue, but that’s what Polymorph Self is for. In fact, looking at the core rules alone, it seems damn near anything can breed with damn near anything else. I think one of the 3.5 supplements even gives guidelines for crossing any species. > > So just pretend the Tolkien estate is kosher with all that. 😃 Hell, the wording for one of the higher level class features of the ~ Dragon Disciple implies that your character actually becomes GENETICALLY half-dragon at a certain level (though at least one dragon in your lineage is a requirement for the class). ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/29 "2009-02-12T06:24:11Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > There’s a nasty joke in here, if only I were more knowledgeable about Middle Earth. > > Old joke from the 80’s: > What do elephants use for vibrators? > Epileptic dolphins. > > Replace elephants with some big, preferably evil, creature from ME and dolphins with Hobbits, et voila! Somebody help me out here. Uh, what do Balrogs use for buttplugs? ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/30 "2009-02-12T15:37:20Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Hell, the wording for one of the higher level class features of the ~ Dragon Disciple implies that your character actually becomes GENETICALLY half-dragon at a certain level (though at least one dragon in your lineage is a requirement for the class). [QUOTE=Dungeon Master’s Guide 3.5] It is known that certain dragons can take human form and even have humanoid lovers. Sometimes a child is born of this union, and every child of that child unto the thousandth generation claims a bit of dragon blood, be it ever so small. [/QUOTE] Reading the _Draconomicon_ supplement, I got the impression that dragons, especially the evil ones, were some horny SOBs. Say you’re a dragon. You’re big, bad, and super-intelligent. Don’t you think that there’d be _some_ stigma against changing forms and banging whatever being is around? I don’t want to call it bestiality, but if the shoe fits… At least with the humanoids, you’re mostly the same. Sure Haflings/Hobbits are kinda small, Elves live way longer than you, and Orcs are… Well, you’ve got to be pretty damn drunk to sleep with one of those things. ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/31 "2009-02-12T15:39:55Z")
> [@MeDrewNotYou](#): > > Well, you’ve got to be pretty damn drunk to sleep with one of those things. To tie this into Tolkien a bit more, I’m fairly certain that Saruman was breeding Orcs and humans, though I don’t think this was the origin of the Uruk-Hai. I could be wrong, though, and I don’t have the books handy, so feel free to step in and correct me. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/32 "2009-02-12T15:48:47Z")
> [@MeDrewNotYou](#): > > To tie this into Tolkien a bit more, I’m fairly certain that Saruman was breeding Orcs and humans, though I don’t think this was the origin of the Uruk-Hai. I could be wrong, though, and I don’t have the books handy, so feel free to step in and correct me. This is tricky. It appears that Saruman bred humans and orcs to make his large soldiers, his Uruks. However, Sauron separately had a breed of Uruk-Hai that appeared to be fully orc and first appeared over 500 years before the War of the Ring and helped to conquer Ithilien and Osgiliath. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/33 "2009-02-12T16:49:22Z")
You obviously never met \*my \*parents. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/34 "2009-02-12T19:32:46Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > No, because one of them is fictional. > > If you’re talking about within a fictional setting then the rules are whatever the author wants them to be. If he wants a human to interbreed with a dragon, then it’ll happen. [BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | 'Hobbit' joins human family tree](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3948165.stm) Not so fictional. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2009, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/35 "2009-02-13T11:22:50Z")
> [@gonzomax](#): > > [BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | 'Hobbit' joins human family tree](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3948165.stm) Not so fictional. Yes, entirely fictional. Hobbits were invented by JRR Tolkien and have never existed. Homo floresiensis did exist and shared no particular qualities with the fictional species of hobbits except height, which is not unique to them. There are hobbit-sized people today, have been many hobbit-sized people throughout history, and the only reason anyone calls this particular hobbit-sized people “hobbits” is that the _Lord of the Rings_ movies happened to be in the public eye when they were discovered. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2009, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/36 "2009-02-13T11:47:01Z")
Nope, sorry **Priceguy**. Hobbits really existed, and that link proves it. Who are we supposed to believe, you or the BBC? You claim that they shared no traits other than height. But Hobbits also lived in the ground. And where were the Hobbit remains found? _In the ground._ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2009, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/37 "2009-02-13T21:52:33Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > You claim that they shared no traits other than height. But Hobbits also lived in the ground. And where were the Hobbit remains found? _In the ground._ To be fair, so are potatoes. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/38 "2009-02-13T22:10:35Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > To be fair, so are potatoes. So if she weighs as much as a potato, she’s a hobbit? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/39 "2009-02-13T22:20:59Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > So if she weighs as much as a potato, she’s a hobbit? Or a Witch. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304/40 "2009-02-14T00:41:05Z")
> [@MeDrewNotYou](#): > > Reading the _Draconomicon_ supplement, I got the impression that dragons, especially the evil ones, were some horny SOBs. I always got the impression the Metallics were more likely to go for humanoids. Or, maybe it’s just the fact that it’s easier for them, given they have the ability to use Polymorph inborn, rather than just gaining access to it as a spell. Keeping with D&D, it’s likely that all the Humanoids are potentially, at least, able to interbreed, though only Elf/Human and Orc/Human crossbreeds are specifically mentioned. Giants are also canonically able to interbreed with humanoids. (Half-Giants, Half-Ogres, Half-Trolls and the Orc/Ogre crossbreed I can’t remember the name of.) The other major half-breeds - half-Dragons, half-Fiends, half-Celestials - involve one highly magical species. (Half-Golems and Half-Illithids, the standard ‘WTF’ half-breeds, aren’t really half-breeds - Half-Golems are magical cyborgs, Half-Illithids are a result of standard Illithid reproduction gone bizarrely wrong.) Going to LotR…well, that’s already been mentioned. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-hobbit-and-a-human-interbreed/485304.md?page=3)