# Could a really smart monkey do your job? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200 "2006-08-03T15:50:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/1 "2006-08-03T15:50:00Z")
I think one could do about 75% of my job. I doubt he’d be able to handle all the computer stuff I have to do but he could do every thing else. Including flinging feces at the supervisor when he tells him he has to work overtime this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/2 "2006-08-03T16:04:24Z")
I suppose a monkey mama does most of my job, but I’m not sure how prepared her little 'uns would be for preschool. Plus, I’m pretty sure she’d make a lousy Beef Wellington. And she might be able to figure out the laundry machines, but no way she’s going to sort and fold correctly. Teacher conferences? I doubt they’d even notice the difference, for how useful our “communication” has been. Do monkey mamas read books and blow bubbles on baby bellies? 'Cause I’m \*really \*good at that. Housekeeping might improve under a monkey mama, I’m sorry to say. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/3 "2006-08-03T16:19:06Z")
Some days, it wouldn’t even need to be really smart. It just needs to do what comes natural (fling poop). ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/4 "2006-08-03T16:27:03Z")
I am not sure, but I think perhaps some of my clients have been swapped out with some monkeys - and not even particularly bright ones! ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/5 "2006-08-03T17:15:50Z")
Aren’t most user manuals for electronic devices now written by monkeys? Well, by chimps, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/6 "2006-08-03T17:36:57Z")
A monkey would be too smart to want to do my job. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/7 "2006-08-03T17:40:41Z")
Looking at the condition of my office, the old labels, and the computers, we may have HAD monkeys doing my job. Although C might have been a bonobo. ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/8 "2006-08-03T18:00:28Z")
a really smart monkey could do a third of my job and could help out with the other two thirds. hmm… maybe we need to hire a monkey. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/9 "2006-08-03T18:04:49Z")
Nope, a monkey couldn’t be a good periodicals librarian. But I wonder about my patrons sometimes. Poo flinging included. ---
**Author:** ![934spe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/9/90db22/32.png) [@934spe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/934spe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/10 "2006-08-03T18:10:12Z")
My job, no. I like to feel that my job actually takes quite a bit of knowledge to perform, that is why I spent so much on college and further specialized training… Then there is the thing with all the USDA paperwork. I doubt a monkey could fill it all out, but sometimes I think they helped design it… ---
**Author:** ![Placid\_Liver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e99b99/32.png) [@Placid\_Liver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Placid_Liver)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/11 "2006-08-03T18:27:47Z")
One does. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/12 "2006-08-03T18:29:55Z")
I really doubt that any monkey would have the patience to surf the internet all day long, while collecting a fat paycheck every month. \*\*To the IT manager monitoring my internet usage: The above was merely a joke. Just a little break from the very important acquisition analysis I’m working on. ---
**Author:** ![Carlyjay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Carlyjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carlyjay)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/13 "2006-08-03T18:30:15Z")
Nut Bunnies could do my job. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/14 "2006-08-03T19:10:09Z")
If you turned a monkey loose at my job you might end up flying to Helena, Montana (HLN) instead of Honolulu (HNL) or Boise (BOI) instead of Boston (BOS). Who knows, with a million monkeys booking flights, someone might eventually actually wind up going where they really wanted to go. ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/15 "2006-08-03T19:32:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > And she might be able to figure out the laundry machines, but no way she’s going to sort and fold correctly. **MONKEY HATE CLEAN** ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/16 "2006-08-03T19:36:05Z")
Not to sound completely like a bigot here, but isnt this the premise behind offshoring? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/17 "2006-08-03T19:38:51Z")
> [@ASAKMOTSD](#): > > Not to sound completely like a bigot here, but isnt this the premise behind offshoring? WTF? (He didn’t just call Indians “monkeys”, did he? \*Did \*he?) ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/18 "2006-08-03T19:42:40Z")
> [@dwc1970](#): > > If you turned a monkey loose at my job you might end up flying to Helena, Montana (HLN) instead of Honolulu (HNL) or Boise (BOI) instead of Boston (BOS). Who knows, with a million monkeys booking flights, someone might eventually actually wind up going where they really wanted to go. But would their luggage get where it needed to get? That’s the real issue. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/19 "2006-08-03T19:43:43Z")
> [@Bytegeist](#): > > **MONKEY HATE CLEAN** You are my new best friend. 😃 For my job, all you’d need is a monkey who knows the alphabet. Somebody else can answer the phones. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200/20 "2006-08-03T20:07:07Z")
Nope. Even my human co-workers can’t seem to manage the little bits if I’m away for a day or two. The whole place goes to Hell if I’m on vacation. I’d call it a great sign of job security, but this is the federal gov’t we’re talking about, and I’ve seen less expendable people disappear and whole functions (like our network and server systems) sink; perhaps _they_ were replaced by chimps. It’d explain a lot. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-really-smart-monkey-do-your-job/367200.md?page=2)