In Christopher Moore’s second of his Vampire Trilogy, You Suck: A Love Storya hooker who has breast implants loses them after she becomes a vampire. In his universe (as in many others), becoming a vampire means that your health problems are fixed, and you are returned to your “original” state. In her case, that meant that her body rejected the implants. So in Moore’s reality, the answer is “No”.
Of course, there is no “canonical” vampire biology – vampires as we know them are essentially a creation of the past two centuries of fiction, and their properties have been created by some weird evolutionary process that relies not upon adaptive radiation and natural and sexual selection, but writer imagination radiation and reader selection. You can create a vampire reality in which your vampire’s Stripper Boobs are possible, but if too many readers opt for Christopher Moore’s Boob-Rejecting reality, or some other writer’s continuity that;'s inconsistent with implants, then your vampire won’t stand the test of time.
What’s considered “aesthetically proportionate” by a person is considered “too small” by another one, “too big” by a third… and that applies to muscles as well as boobs.
…and you thought your Thanksgiving debacle was going to be bad.
“Please pass the mashed potatoes.”
“I can’t reach…!”
“Behind her chair. Thank you…!”
Then there’s the religious ramifications (altar boy sold separately)
“…Father Merrin, Father Merrin! I need you to bless this bra. Its the only hope we have of protecting the world from 10 pounds of Unholy Silicon…!”
btw- Any chance she could sashay through a fancy restaurant topless and have the same effect on men that Gabriel Byrne had on women in ‘End of Days’?
(Oh, nm; Any woman could do that…)
I don’t see a problem with her getting breast implants. Just make sure she doesn’t feed on the innocent 12 hours before her surgery and there’s another vampire available to fly her home afterwards. The surgeons are also probably going to need to know her blood types and what her DNR (Doesn’t Need Resuscitation) orders are.
Basically, both men and women should look good enough as vampires that no one would ever think to complain. They’re not Greek gods carved in stone, but they should be attractive to a very wide spectrum of humanity. I think of it as a evolutionary trait that aids in feeding and survival. An ugly vampire is going to have a lot more difficulty in the seduction and blood draining department - glamoring or not. Vampires on the town should never have a problem getting on the good side of the velvet rope just based on their looks.
But if the DD look is intended to get blood pumping from other parts of their victims bodies to where the vampire wants it, then the whole neck thing is a fallacy?
I guess I drastically mis-understood back on Buffy when I heard the line,
“Oh yeah, these vampires are going Doooown…!” :eek:
Why bother with garlic? Holy water is just water with a little salt (saline) and a blessing. If a priest blesses her saline implants, she’s a walking time bomb; one rupture and PIFF! Pile of ash.
Speaking of which, my first thought was: bless the surgical instruments. That’ll prevent healing during the surgery, and she’ll just need a good drink afterward to kickstart the healing process.
Depends on how blessed objects react to vampire flesh in her book. Some stories I’ve read have the objects burst into flame when it comes in contact with undead beings. That wouldn’t be to good on an operating table.
Just cuz they heal fast doesn’t mean they have super-sensitive immune systems. Most people don’t reject implants, their tissue heals around them. No reason vampires should be any different–they just recover faster from the surgery.
The idea of filling them with holy water is pure genius.
I kept thinking Anno Dracula but was sure that wasn’t right… both decent vampire novels (particularly if you like alternate history / inclusion of fictional and historical characters).
The problem with the undead, whether vampires or zombies, is that they break the laws of nature and so you essentially have to create laws of your own. Do vampires bleed if injured? What if one got mashed by a truck? What happens to the food they eat? What happens if they do not get blood? Do they just fade away - and perhaps even die - if they don’t get their refills? Do they feel pain? Do they feel anything, apart from hunger/thirst?
Since they are logically impossible, you simply need to create a consistent scheme. Implants? OK, if post-transition. But filling them with holy water - or holy silicon, and yes, it can leak - would be interesting.
Vampirettes (and gay vampires, assuming that vampires have any sort of sex life or sexual feelings at all) offer all sport of possibilities, some quite lurid. Is a blowjob a satisfactory substitute for blood? Would anyone want to have sex with a vampire, even assuming they don’t become lunch? Do they feel cold to the touch? Or burning hot? Could a vampire become a mummy or a daddy? What would the offspring be?
Thank you.