# Could a vampire use a touch panel smartphone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2010, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947 "2010-09-16T08:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/1 "2010-09-16T08:57:19Z")
I’m thinking no. Since a vampire is inhabiting a dead body with minimal moisture in its fingertips, it’d have a hard time with a touch panel’s [capacitive sensing](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capacitive_sensing). Along the same lines, are there other modern pratfalls and foibles that would trip up a vampire? ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/2 "2010-09-16T09:18:25Z")
But in parts of Asia when it’s cold they use frozen sausages to work their touch pads, instead of taking off their gloves. So the question is whether vampire fingers are a suitable alternative to frozen sausages or hot dogs. (I prefer my vampire fingers with tomato sauce myself) ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/3 "2010-09-16T11:13:52Z")
On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/4 "2010-09-16T11:39:34Z")
I guess that only begs the question: how many bars can You get 6 feet down in Forrest Lawn? Of course, that’d be the end of The Verizon Guy. “Can you hear me now?” “Yes.” “Then, are you coming to dig me up?” “Not exactly…” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/5 "2010-09-17T04:11:52Z")
Depending on how the mirrors-don’t-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores. If cameras don’t work then ATMs could be used as vampire detectors; if the ATM is accessed but no one appears on the security camera, it’s a vampire! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/6 "2010-09-17T06:24:49Z")
As it always seems to in these threads, it depends on the type of vampire. In this case, it also depends on the type of screen. If the screen works with a stylus, then even a dessicated-corpse sort of vampire should be able to use it. With a non-stylus-friendly screen, they’re probably out of luck, but other vamps might still be able to use the phone. Most of them look relatively human, which means they shouldn’t be all that dry under normal circumstances. Maybe they’d have trouble if they haven’t fed recently, and the tank was running low, but that generally seems to bring more serious problems than unresponsive touchscreens. As for IR sensors, one fairly common trope is for vampires to be warm and/or flushed after feeding. Assuming the mirror business doesn’t interfere, a well-fed vamp should show up readily enough on passive infrared. Active infrared should generally spot them even if they’re at room temperature; it’s not looking for warm spots, it’s looking for changes in IR reflection patterns in the room–and no one has ever suggested that vampires themselves don’t reflect light, I don’t think. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/7 "2010-09-17T06:44:02Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > In this case, it also depends on the type of screen. That’s why I specified touch panel with capacative sensing. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/8 "2010-09-17T07:15:21Z")
A vampire could carry around one of those little packets of moist towelette thingies (their name escapes me at the moment), to moisten his fingers with. That would help with the touch screens I presume, and he could pass it off as being germophobic. ---
**Author:** ![goodie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@goodie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goodie)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/9 "2010-09-17T11:55:30Z")
Touching his phone for him would be the least I could do for MY vampire boyfriend, my fingers are nice and warm…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/10 "2010-09-17T12:01:11Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > A vampire could carry around one of those little packets of moist towelette thingies (their name escapes me at the moment), to moisten his fingers with. That would help with the touch screens I presume, and he could pass it off as being germophobic. I guess it would raise fewer questions than carrying around a frozen sausage. [QUOTE=goodie] Touching his phone for him would be the least I could do for MY vampire boyfriend, my fingers are nice and warm…😉 [/QUOTE] Let me guess: is he sparkly? ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/11 "2010-09-17T13:36:31Z")
Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT! Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/12 "2010-09-17T14:20:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Depending on how the mirrors-don’t-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. That’s a good thing. Flowing water and all that. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/13 "2010-09-17T18:17:13Z")
Couldn’t the vampire just lick his fingers? I’m not sure I buy that his hands wouldn’t have moisture, either. Vampires are usually described as cold, but they’re not desiccated. They have a circulatory system, saliva, tears (sometimes of blood), etc. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/14 "2010-09-17T18:45:32Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > …If cameras don’t work then ATMs could be used as vampire detectors; if the ATM is accessed but no one appears on the security camera, it’s a vampire! Thing about this for a moment. So you decide to go the whole “vampires can’t show up on camera route”. That doesn’t mean their _clothing_ won’t show on camera. Before CCTV this wouldn’t have been much of a problem, but now security cameras are everywhere (especially in the UK). So you don’t even need an ATM, just monitor ordinary cameras for footage of clothing walking around by itself. Yes, vampires would easily hide from the cameras by going nude, but that would make it very hard for them to blend in with living humans in public. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/15 "2010-09-17T20:06:29Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT! > > Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn? I recall a novel, _The Logical Magician_ that had that scenario. The hero held off a vampire by standing in a working jacuzzi - running water - and then one of his friends fried the vampire with sunlamps. For movies, it’s not “full spectrum” but UV weapons did burn vampires in _Blade_ and _Underworld_. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/16 "2010-09-17T20:12:21Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > > > Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT! > > > > Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn? > > I recall a novel, _The Logical Magician_ that had that scenario. The hero held off a vampire by standing in a working jacuzzi - running water - and then one of his friends fried the vampire with sunlamps. > > For movies, it’s not “full spectrum” but UV weapons did burn vampires in _Blade_ and _Underworld_. In the [Super Nintendo _Shadowrun_ video game](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadowrun_%28SNES%29), high-intensity photo flashes were painful, damaging, and (understandably) blinding to the vampire villain-of-the-moment. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/17 "2010-09-17T20:19:51Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > Couldn’t the vampire just lick his fingers? Ewwwwww. Licking his fingers and then touching something? I hope that vampire doesn’t visit my local library branch. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/18 "2010-09-19T23:41:03Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT! [Ultraviolet](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169501/) (the British TV series, not the Milla Jovovich movie) addressed some of them. In that one, cameras could not see them, and microphones could not hear them. In order to use a telephone, they had to use one of those keyboards that deaf people use. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/19 "2010-09-19T23:44:04Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well. The no-reflection thing, at least in the Whedonverse, does not extend to security camersas. I think it’s an illusion created entirely in the person’s mind and is not triggered by cameras. Admittedly, if you thought about it hard enough you might be able to cause it to, but why would you want to do that? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/20 "2010-09-20T04:56:01Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Depending on how the mirrors-don’t-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores.[snip] On a related note, do vampires excrete? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947.md?page=2)