# Could a vampire use a touch panel smartphone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2010, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947 "2010-09-16T08:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/21 "2010-09-20T10:36:28Z")
> [@The\_Scrivener](#): > > On a related note, do vampires excrete? And on a related related note… From what I have gleaned from that new omnibus of vampire information, _True Blood_, vampires’ bodily fluids are replaced by blood: they cry blood instead of tears, for example. (This also appears in a Stephen King short story, where a vampire at a urinal pees blood, so with two such formidable proponents of this theory I think we can say it’s definitely fact.😉 ) …so…does this apply to all other body fluids and secretions as well? Like semen, for example? Having sex with a vampire must be like having sex on a heavy period. Sookie must go through sheets like tissues. …and when Edward Cullen pees, does it sparkle? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/22 "2010-09-20T11:15:15Z")
^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up “seed” left. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/23 "2010-09-20T11:57:32Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > ^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up “seed” left. Really? :dubious: And I guess that means he never had erotic dreams, either. One wonders that someone like that would actually be attracted to anyone, ever. Yeah, yeah, I know. Logic and Twilight, oil and water. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/24 "2010-09-20T19:53:46Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well. Nah. One of the folkloric characteristics of a vampire body (that hasn’t made its way completely into fiction, so YMMV) is that it’s still warm–at least warmer than ambient. See Paul Barber, _Vampires, Burial, and Death_. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/25 "2010-09-20T20:17:28Z")
> [@The\_Scrivener](#): > > > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > > Depending on how the mirrors-don’t-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores.[snip] > > On a related note, do vampires excrete? Only when played by Christopher Walken. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/26 "2010-09-20T23:47:55Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > ^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up “seed” left. Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough… ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/27 "2010-09-21T02:03:12Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > > [@BigT](#): > > > > ^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up “seed” left. > > Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough… Yeah.. I mean, _sparkly_ vampires OK… but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn’t masturbated… come on… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/28 "2010-09-21T02:49:58Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > > [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > > > Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough… > > Yeah.. I mean, _sparkly_ vampires OK… but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn’t masturbated… come on… And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don’t masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager? ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/29 "2010-09-21T02:52:02Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > ^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up “seed” left. Is this really specified in **Breaking Dawn**? ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/30 "2010-09-21T15:16:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@Apollyon](#): > > > > Yeah.. I mean, _sparkly_ vampires OK… but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn’t masturbated… come on… > > And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don’t masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager? Obviously, it just took the right girl. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/31 "2010-09-21T19:28:28Z")
Well, I use the stylus that came with my phone, and it works fine… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/32 "2010-09-22T02:16:01Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@Apollyon](#): > > > > Yeah.. I mean, _sparkly_ vampires OK… but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn’t masturbated… come on… > > And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don’t masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager? Vampires don’t sleep in Twilight. The author is also a Mormon. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/33 "2010-09-22T02:25:39Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > Vampires don’t sleep in Twilight. Apparently he never slept before becoming a vampire either. > [@alphaboi867](#): > > The author is also a Mormon. I’m well aware of that; that’s how I first heard of the series, as “that horrible Mormon vampire series”. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/34 "2010-09-23T22:47:35Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > > [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > > > Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough… > > Yeah.. I mean, _sparkly_ vampires OK… but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn’t masturbated… come on… Well that nicely answers the question. If just a little moisture on the finger is required to activate the touch screen, and virgin vampires in Twilight have stored up, 200 year old juices, at least the males would have a “stylus.” ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/35 "2010-09-24T01:42:11Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well. Don’t vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/36 "2010-09-24T01:49:52Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Don’t vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything? By that rationale, what if you accidentally let a vampire in to your house once but then you legally declare a room of your house in a different zone or something? Can you keep the vampire out that way? Can you keep a vampire out of an outdoor area like a field if you own it by forbidding it to enter? How do you define “owning” an area for a vampire? Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/37 "2010-09-24T02:12:24Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > > > Don’t vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything? > > By that rationale, what if you accidentally let a vampire in to your house once but then you legally declare a room of your house in a different zone or something? Can you keep the vampire out that way? Can you keep a vampire out of an outdoor area like a field if you own it by forbidding it to enter? How do you define “owning” an area for a vampire? Hmm. I think there has to be a hearth involved. What’s a hearth? ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947/38 "2010-09-25T15:29:07Z")
Another one here who raises the question “What kind of vampire?”. Lately they seem to be Emo’s with superhuman powers who aren’t particulary vampirish. Then theres the religious version where they can’t be seen in a mirror because of having no soul. And the whole cruxifix, holy water, inviting in thing. Personally I think that Vampirism is an infectious disease (possibly a mutation of the Zombie virus; or vice versa), that animates corpses, giving an appearance of life and allows the host body to exist and function for an extremely extended period at the cost of suspended animation for so many hours each day and severe tissue damage and blindness if exposed to U.V… And also of course the strength etc. As to flying I think that is a confusion caused by association with vampire bats and that Human host Vampires can’t do it, just as eagles fly and eat meat but wolves eat meat but can’t fly. That said I don’t think that they masturbate or have sex. And as to mobile phones old people don’t tend to take to new technology, so if you’re seven hundred years old I don’t think that you’d bother getting one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-a-vampire-use-a-touch-panel-smartphone/553947.md?page=1)