Arg! That should be “won”, not “one.”
Heh, Wal-Mart’s 1.3 million “troops” is equal to the amount that North Korea has- and they have the fourth largest standing army in the world!
Jesus. I’m going to be extra nice to the Wal-Mart matron next times she says bids me, “Have a nice day!”. Wouldn’t want her practicing her silent, quick-kill Recondo techniques on me.
Come to think of it…they just might have a larger small arms arsenal than alot of little island nations.
So that’s what happens to all of the little mom-and-pop hardware stores when Wal-Mart moves in: terminated with extreme prejudice.
Super size?
So as a McValue Meal, they could take the Benelux countries and for an extra dollar, they could upsize to the Balkans.
remember, I am assuming that no other countries will come to their aid. I really thought that Mcdonalds would have a bit more disposable income than that. 2 billion could get you a decent airforce (at ~5 million a plane) but getting any sort of Sat Comm or other high tech equipment would be out of their range. I previously suspected they would just go the hundreds of soldiers with small arms deal but then others have pointed out that soldiers are not easy to get. What about relying heavily or Artilliry and tanks and other labour unintensive devices to use in fighting?
BAHAHAHAHA!!!
But if they recruit their soldiers from within their own employee base, they’ll have to stage all invasions during the summer because in September, the cannon fodder heads back to class.
I’m just picturing a 17 year-old with a flamethrower, his tears of glory cutting lines in the ashes and blood darkening his face, spraying waves of inferno into enemy bunkers and screaming “YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!”
They already have: does anybody remember McDonaldland - the puppet state set up by McDonald’s?
I’ve never understood why Amnesty International hasn’t looked into that one
… where the French would immediately implement their standard military tactic of unconditional surrender
McDonalds would not have to do any fighting. A couple of millions in bribes and lobbyists should do it. The United Fruit Company (UFCO) convinced the US government and CIA in the 50’s to sponsor a nasty coup in guatemala because their interests were threatened.
“The campaign succeeded and in 1954 the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency orchestrated a coup, code-named “Operation PBSUCCESS”. The invading force numbered only 150 men under the command of Castillo Armas but the CIA convinced the Guatemalan public and President Arbenz that a major invasion was underway. The CIA set up a clandestine radio station to carry propaganda, jammed all Guatemalan stations, and hired skilled American pilots to bomb strategic points in Guatemala City. The U.S. replaced the freely elected government of Guatemala with another right-wing dictatorship that would again bend to UFCO’s will”
One of the less noble events in amercian history
see http://www.mayaparadise.com/ufc1e.htm and lots of other links
But no other countries would be allowed to get involved. This is purely and simply a Mcdonalds vs Country X dealie. No outside assiatance by anyone.
Well, keep in mind that my scenario was based on the premise that McDonalds would fund its insane dreams of conquest strictly with the profits from its ongoing operations. I.e., they’d just use the money they clear from selling burgers to buy a completely separate military arm. If McDonalds is willing to sell some of its assets or move current employees out of burger-flipping and into grenade-tossing, then they’ve got a lot more to work with.
The problem would be sustainability. Conquering another country can be a long and tedious process. Without an ongoing, sustainable revenue source, the unholy Army of Ronald may not be in a position to mount a serious campaign.
(On the other hand, you’ve got to think that Happy Meal sales are going to slump once CNN starts showing pictures of tanks with the Mark of the Arches rumbling through the streets of some innocent country, blasting away.)
What about the stock price? If McDonalds or Microsoft or any other large corporation announced tomorrow that they were abandoning their core business in order to take over a country then the first thing that would happen would be their investors would lose all confidence in them. So whatever you think they could take now it would likely be a lot less after they declare war.
The United Fruit Company isn’t the only example of a corporation influencing a war, if not actually participating in it. William Randolph Hearst pushed for the Spanish-American War pretty hard, mostly as a ploy to sell newspapers.
McDonalds, if they were wise, would attack a country suffering from famine. Follow these steps:
- drop flyers over the country offering to feed four family members of every soldier that enlists.
- Set up small, heavily defended recruiting outposts/burger joints.
- Build their army from the locals.
I’m guessing they could succeed pretty well with a carrot/stick approach, although “carrot” is probably an inappropriate metaphor.
Daniel
As far as cannon fodder is concerned, the corporation would have to think long term. Invest in the Future!
First buy an out of the way island. Adopt an appropriate number of orphans and ship them in. They will become MSpartans. With good instructors the system could be up in 20-25 yrs.
Then choose a country(or a dislodgeable section of a country) that would make a good U.S export location. Once taken over, a Corporate collectivism could be set up. All citizens get room&board and medical&dental. Perks for employees of the month. Move any questionable business/environmental practices to your new tax haven.
For cosmetics some kind of puppet would have to be in place of course. And none of this could happen without U.S consent of course. As posted above, it’s been done before. God speed Bill.
ps- as for the shareholders. umm, don’t tell them?
Lol. So Daniel you would be a “Dove” and I would be a “Hawk” on the corporate board.
-CarnalK
If McDonald’s did take over a country, wouldn’t it be sort of a communist or dictatorship government?
Think about it. McDonald’s, being the head of government, would make sure they have no competition. If McDonald’s took over the United States, they’d probably assasinate the major heads of other companies and bring another Holocaust onto Burger King and Wendy’s employees.
McDonald’s would control 100% of the fast food market. A monopoly, you say? Of course not! After all, McDonald’s would own the American government.
My brother (who works at Fazolis) just informed me that the Mcdonalds corporation has just bought out the Fazolis Corporation. It has Begun.
A McDoodie’s backed coup would be highly feasable. Bribing & corrupting the target country’s own military would be cost-efficient & swift.
Alternatively, recruiting “cannon-fodder” from the desparately poor of many countries, & providing second-rate training could be done. Many Middle Eastern terrorist groups do this already. Come to think of it, so does McDoodies.
A good target would be Argentina-- good cattle grazing land, & lots of happy Facsists ready to do Der Fuerer of Fries’ evil bidding.