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You have a condition known as Apotemnophilia, also known as Body integrity identity disorder.
I strongly suggest that you seek treatment for it.
We prefer that questions about real life medical conditions be posted in our In My Humble Opinion forum. If you want advice and opinions about your issue and possible treatment options, you may create a new post there. As that forum name indicates, any replies you get there are just the opinions of some online folks and should not be considered the equivalent of professional medical advice. As always, it is best to seek real-life professional help.
Since this is out of the bounds of GQ, this is closed.