# Could someone talk some sense into me, pls.? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742 "2006-03-31T19:18:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/1 "2006-03-31T19:18:16Z")
Last fall I met The Man Of My Dreams, with whom I was ridiculously happy for about six weeks, until he went into intimacy freakout and dumped me. Very painful for me, but I’ve lived through worse, and I lived through this. Decided to take some time off from dating to lick my wounds and deal with other stuff, like finding a new job. The job search, as y’all know, has succeeded beyond all dreams – and I’ve started dipping my toes into the dating process again, posting ads on Match and Yahoo, writing some emails, etc. Haven’t seen anyone all that alluring, but, well, what the hell, it’s not like the man of my dreams actually exists, right? So, yeah, after thinking about it for a long time, I impulsively (sic) wrote an email to TMOMD today, telling him about the new job, and the fact that dating sucks and I wouldn’t have to be doing it if he weren’t a total idiot, etc. And he wrote back within an hour, saying he’d been thinking about me the other day, and that his situation hasn’t changed, and that he’d love to hear more about the new job over coffee… And fuck me for being an idiot, but I’m thinking about saying “yes.” My New Year’s resolutions this year: [ol] [li]Get a new job (check)[/li][li]Lose 20 pounds (halfway there)[/li][li]Not get my heart broken. I was doing okay with this up until an hour ago…[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/2 "2006-03-31T19:21:44Z")
I’m not here to talk sense into you. But step carefully. Find out what he has in mind. And try not to lose your heart again. The way you are now, friends, prepare yourself that that may be the way it is always. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/3 "2006-03-31T19:23:52Z")
_Smacks **twickster** firmly in the cheek_ Sorry dear, hated to do that, but you need to at least open your eyes before you do this. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/4 "2006-03-31T19:27:50Z")
That’s fine, I’ll talk sense into you. The definition (or at least one of em) of “insanity” is do to the same thing over and over again and to expect different results. By letting him back in and getting attached (especially if your wounds aren’t healed), you’re asking for the same result. What do you like about this guy? More importantly, why is it that those specific traits are working on you right now? Do you WANT to be in a relationship? If so, is it for the right or wrong reasons? Coffee is harmless. “Coffee” is potential pain and heartache. Make sure you make the distinction. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/5 "2006-03-31T19:29:38Z")
> [@](#): > > and that his situation hasn’t changed So… what does that mean? That he’s still in the same job? Still not dating? Still not into you? ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/6 "2006-03-31T19:30:03Z")
If he said his situation hasn’t changed, it probably means that his attitude hasn’t changed either; he wants a friendship, probably w/fringe benefits. Think about whether or not you can accept that. If you can’t, reconsider meeting him. When there’s someone you can’t resist, you simply have to remove yourself from his/her company. You know this. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/7 "2006-03-31T19:34:23Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > So… what does that mean? That he’s still in the same job? Still not dating? Still not into you? Same job. Dating whomever he wants. Still not into the OP, but willing to [poodle ball](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365261) her just for the no-stings-attached convenience of it. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/8 "2006-03-31T19:35:46Z")
Personally, btw, I consider commitment highly overrated. But (and this is a huge but), it’s truly horrible being in a relationship where you are in love, and the other person really, really likes you a lot, period. A recipe for on-going heartbreak and constant self-condemnation. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/9 "2006-03-31T19:37:47Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Same job. Dating whomever he wants. Still not into the OP, but willing to [poodle ball](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365261) her just for the no-stings-attached convenience of it. Now now…we don’t know if he’d want to do that YET. We don’t know what it is yet. I think I may have an inkling, or something I’d call poodle-balling, but it is RATHER sick. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/10 "2006-03-31T19:40:07Z")
Heh. One of the areas of … less than total understanding … between the two of us was the fact that I’d discuss my life with total strangers on a message board. And here I am … The situation last fall was that he was 62 years old. His birthday isn’t till May so he’s still 62 years old. His body is that of a 62-year-old man. This means that it doesn’t function like that of a 22-year-old or even a 42-year-old. So, the fact that his situation hasn’t changed means that he still functions like a 62-year-old and he still refuses to either explore other, um, avenues of, um, whatever – or to see if there would be something his doctor could to to, uh, yanno. Or, for that matter, to accept that I could possibly want to be with someone who is 62 years old and functions like it. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/11 "2006-03-31T19:41:10Z")
My first thought was, “What does he want? Friends with benefits?” From what I’ve observed about you **twicks** that does not seem to be your thing. If that’s all he wants, then run, run fast. Run hard. Go for coffee if you want, but be prepared to run. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/12 "2006-03-31T19:43:18Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Heh. One of the areas of … less than total understanding … between the two of us was the fact that I’d discuss my life with total strangers on a message board. And here I am … > > The situation last fall was that he was 62 years old. His birthday isn’t till May so he’s still 62 years old. His body is that of a 62-year-old man. This means that it doesn’t function like that of a 22-year-old or even a 42-year-old. > > So, the fact that his situation hasn’t changed means that he still functions like a 62-year-old and he still refuses to either explore other, um, avenues of, um, whatever – or to see if there would be something his doctor could to to, uh, yanno. Or, for that matter, to accept that I could possibly want to be with someone who is 62 years old and functions like it. Oh, THAT. Is there another, existing condition he has that would counterindicate his, um “use” of any aids? Or stuff like that? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/13 "2006-03-31T19:43:18Z")
Sorry, a couple of posts in there I didn’t see – It’s not that he’s not into me – well, no, I guess it is – shit. He was the one who started the “I could spend the rest of my life” with you talk – I regard the stuff about his sexual function as a red herring for his freaking out that he really did find me that amazingly wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/14 "2006-03-31T19:45:41Z")
Yes, he has high blood pressure, had a heart attack a couple of years ago, etc. He won’t even discuss the issue with his doctor, though, despite his promise to do so. And he categorically refuses to “become a poster boy for Viagara.” Men! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/15 "2006-03-31T19:48:33Z")
Ya know…(and not that it’s relevant to ME), but if it came to dropping a pill or being unable…I’d drop a truckload of chemicals. Hijack: That 40-ish brown haired lady in the Levitra ads? I don’t care how old I get, I’m ready for her. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/16 "2006-03-31T19:49:59Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > Ya know…(and not that it’s relevant to ME), but if it came to dropping a pill or being unable…I’d drop a truckload of chemicals. > > Hijack: That 40-ish brown haired lady in the Levitra ads? I don’t care how old I get, I’m ready for her. 😃 God bless you, Mr. Bus Guy. God bless you. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/17 "2006-03-31T19:57:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Yes, he has high blood pressure, had a heart attack a couple of years ago, etc. He won’t even discuss the issue with his doctor, though, despite his promise to do so. And he categorically refuses to “become a poster boy for Viagara.” > > Men! :rolleyes: He doesn’t need to talk to his doctor to go with a vacuum constriction device. They work, though not if they are the cheap kind bought out of the back of Playboy. Very safe, and while some require a prescription, some don’t. ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/18 "2006-03-31T19:59:07Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Yes, he has high blood pressure, had a heart attack a couple of years ago, etc. He won’t even discuss the issue with his doctor, though, despite his promise to do so. And he categorically refuses to “become a poster boy for Viagara.” And **this** is the man of your dreams? :eek: You deserve a lot better than that. Keep looking! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/19 "2006-03-31T20:00:36Z")
No, from what I can gather, if it doesn’t happen spontaneously, it doesn’t “count.” (Count for what, I’m not sure, since my entire identity isn’t located between my legs.) He’s completely closed to exploring any other options in any other direction. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742/20 "2006-03-31T20:07:34Z")
Is that a bone of contention for you (pardon the pun, I swear). Because if it is, and you pursue a relationship, you’re always going to have issues with your sexlife. If not, there are probably other issues you’ll have. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-someone-talk-some-sense-into-me-pls/350742.md?page=2)