# Could U succeed on a job U hated? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 25, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077 "2012-12-25T00:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/21 "2012-12-25T05:21:31Z")
> [@zombywoof](#): > > How about doing what most of we non-intelligensia (or is that some crippling ailment?) did when 20-25 years younger than you - get a job, move out, and start your own life? 2 l8 4 that In other words, how can I discard all of the work I did over so many years? I do not know where to start. I am very much into Social Sciences. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/22 "2012-12-25T05:25:18Z")
Why do your parents demand that you suffer in a career that you despise? Have you made your feelings known to your parents? They are aware of your misery and continue to insist that you continue with your mathematics career despite this? Why on earth would they do this? And why on earth would you accept it, as a grown man? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/23 "2012-12-25T05:26:09Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Well you have two choices now. You can try to find a job that you enjoy that utilizes your Ph.D., or you can look into some other field. I am very indecisive. I just pretend to work – really working very little and very slow. Instead I visit forums. For the first time since 2006, I am active on English language forums. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Are you being treated for depression? . Since 1992. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > How important is parental approval (as opposed to parental financial support) to you? At some point you may have to decide whether your unhappiness at doing what pleases your family is worse than your unhappiness at losing their approval. Well, I do not have an independent source of income. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/24 "2012-12-25T05:32:47Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Well, I do not have an independent source of income. The idea is that we’re trying to help you find an independent source of income. The question is whether that independent income source needs to have your parents’ approval. If you’re not looking for an independent source of income, then why bother to work at all? If you don’t like your field, just continue to let your parents support you. ---
**Author:** ![zombywoof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/9e8a1a/32.png) [@zombywoof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zombywoof)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/25 "2012-12-25T05:38:09Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > how can I discard all of the work I did over so many years? Ever come across the idea of [sunk costs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs) in your studies? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/26 "2012-12-25T05:46:40Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > The idea is that we’re trying to help you find an independent source of income. The question is whether that independent income source needs to have your parents’ approval. I do not know. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > If you’re not looking for an independent source of income, then why bother to work at all? If you don’t like your field, just continue to let your parents support you. I have considered just continuing to live with my parents pretending to work. Having no friends and sort of working on what I hate is misery, but is there an option? I am big on Social Studies and have studied alot on my own but it counts for nothing. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/27 "2012-12-25T05:50:25Z")
> [@zombywoof](#): > > Ever come across the idea of [sunk costs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs) in your studies? Does that mean all these years have been wasted? ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/28 "2012-12-25T06:03:44Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I have considered just continuing to live with my parents pretending to work. Having no friends and sort of working on what I hate is misery, but is there an option? Yes. The option is to become less miserable, and that is probably going to require more work on your mental health. If you have spent 20 years being treated for depression, and you are still miserable in your work and your relationships, then you need to reassess your treatment. I asked how strongly you require your parents’ approval, aside from their financial support, because that makes a difference in your choices. My first recommendation would be to find a way to support yourself financially, even at a much different level than the one you currently enjoy with your parents, doing something that you enjoy, or at least don’t hate. But for some people, financial independence would not be worth it if it meant losing the respect of their parents. You have to decide for yourself what will be the best approach for you. The problem with sunk costs is that they really should not be considered in making future decisions. That doesn’t mean that your years of education were wasted, it just means that rationally, those years are already gone, and you can’t go back and redo them, so you have to start from where you are now. That means taking into consideration the education you have when determining what to do in the future. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/29 "2012-12-25T06:11:50Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Yes. The option is to become less miserable, and that is probably going to require more work on your mental health. If you have spent 20 years being treated for depression, and you are still miserable in your work and your relationships, then you need to reassess your treatment. I had 10+ different therapists, and I take medication. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > I asked how strongly you require your parents’ approval, aside from their financial support, because that makes a difference in your choices. My first recommendation would be to find a way to support yourself financially, even at a much different level than the one you currently enjoy with your parents, doing something that you enjoy, or at least don’t hate. But for some people, financial independence would not be worth it if it meant losing the respect of their parents. You have to decide for yourself what will be the best approach for you. Well, I tried to leave twice but I did not suceed. I guess I will just stay in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/30 "2012-12-25T06:16:46Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Well, I tried to leave twice but I did not suceed. I guess I will just stay in that situation. Are there any circumstances you can see in which you would be less miserable? What would you envision as a successful outcome for your life? Also, even if you don’t change your work or living situation, there are other ways to improve your life. Are you involved in any activities you enjoy? How much work have you done in therapy to build your relationships and your social life? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/31 "2012-12-25T06:19:59Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Also, even if you don’t change your work or living situation, there are other ways to improve your life. Are you involved in any activities you enjoy? How much work have you done in therapy to build your relationships and your social life? I have **zero** offline social life. What can I improve in my life? I do not know. Fortunately I do not drink, and do not use drugs, thus I have a chance to see the year 2040. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/32 "2012-12-25T07:20:14Z")
Would you be willing and able to go back to school and get another degree? There must be a lot of other professions where a background in math would be useful. I’m a university librarian, and while there’s not much math involved in being a librarian having a background in math could give you an advantage. Many librarians have backgrounds in literature or history, but a university needs librarians to support research in all the different departments. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/33 "2012-12-25T08:02:18Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Well, I tried to leave twice but I did not suceed. Third time’s the charm. Why not try again? ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_Ferguson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/97f17d/32.png) [@Harvey\_Ferguson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_Ferguson)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/34 "2012-12-25T17:22:37Z")
This guy sounds like a well known troll that posts on a Canadian sports forum that I read. Same guy I wonder? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/35 "2012-12-25T19:39:34Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Given that I live with my parents and they support me financially, I have to comply with their major decisions even at 43. > [@How much should I work for a dubious blessing?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-should-i-work-for-a-dubious-blessing/620814/3): > > If my parents support me, they can expect me to follow their expectations. I am 38 yo. So I pretend to work in mathematics. Wow. I’m no mathematician but I can’t see how you got five years older in seven months. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/36 "2012-12-25T20:02:30Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Wow. I’m no mathematician but I can’t see how you got five years older in seven months. Well, to be fair, he is only pretending to do math. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/37 "2012-12-25T20:08:23Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Wow. I’m no mathematician but I can’t see how you got five years older in seven months. My fault. But then those who give out all their EXACT coordinates online have a greater risk being stalked. My birth date is a statistical variable with Normal distribution, Mean of 1970 and Standard Deviation of 5. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/38 "2012-12-25T20:11:20Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > My fault. > > But then those who give out all their EXACT coordinates online have a greater risk being stalked. Which is why no one knows that I am actually a fifteen-year-old girl living in Hoboken. (damn) ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/39 "2012-12-25T20:12:38Z")
Your age does not equal your “exact coordinates.” And frankly, you’re not exactly the ideal stalker target (38-43 year old PhD in math and/or statistics who still lives with mom). ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077/40 "2012-12-25T20:17:04Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Your age does not equal your “exact coordinates.” And frankly, you’re not exactly the ideal stalker target (38-43 year old PhD in math and/or statistics who still lives with mom). Age + Biography + writing style (statistical distribution of words) is a good info for any stalker. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-u-succeed-on-a-job-u-hated/645077.md?page=3)