# Could you be friends with someone in a group marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684 "2010-09-05T14:44:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/221 "2010-09-11T18:51:45Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > Heterosexism, my ass. I’m saying that men are pigs. That’s what I’m saying. > > Pigs with the strong minds to control weak willed women? The strong minds AND the spiral penises. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/222 "2010-09-11T19:00:50Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Zeriel](#): > > > > Bullshit, Dio. You asserted it (it being "humans cannot bond with more than one other person at a time). > > Actually, what I said was that I don’t _believe_ groups (especially of more than three) can become mutually and reciprocally bonded (i.e. every individual is equally bonded with every other individual). This is quite obviously not the _observed_ norm, and I’d like to see a cite that it exists at all. I call bullshit. The assertion that such a thing is possible what needs to be proven. I don’t have to prove a negative, and I don’t have to accept your word for it. Why would each individual have to be specifically equally bonded with every other individual for the polyfidelitous relationship to be valid? How do you measure the “equality” of two relationships? ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/223 "2010-09-11T19:07:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m not trying to step in and protect anyone from anything. I wish people would quit making up shit I never said. Let me be clear: > > I DON"T GIVE A FUCK IF PEOPLE WANT TO LIVE THIS WAY. I don’t want to stop them. I don’t want to talk women out of it. I don’t care it gets recognized legally. I’m just expressing some personal opinions about it. I have no wish to interfere with it, but that doesn’t mean I have to take it seriously when they try to tell me they’re all really in love with each other. I’m just rolling my eyes at it, the same way I roll my eyes at fat, middle aged rich guys with smoking hot 22 year old trophy wives. Except you’re not ONLY doing that, you are ALSO insulting the people involved and painting them all with a very broad and offensive brush, repeatedly and unnecessarily. That’s what most people here seem to be bothered by. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/224 "2010-09-11T19:11:57Z")
> [@Jeneva](#): > > Except you’re not ONLY doing that, you are ALSO insulting the people involved and painting them all with a very broad and offensive brush, repeatedly and unnecessarily. That’s what most people here seem to be bothered by. As evidenced by the fact that there are several people who would dial the friendship back and have said so in this thread who aren’t drawing ANY argument from those of us who are arguing with **Dio**. It’s not the distaste he has, it’s his blanket condemnations of and condescension toward non-dyad relationships. Also his sexist attitudes toward both men and women. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/225 "2010-09-11T19:16:35Z")
Stopped reading a few pages ago but I figured I’d check things out: Has **Dio** provided any cites (he seems to love demanding cites), not anecdotes but scientific studies (those are his favorite cites), that show that members of [del]polyamorous groups and swinger couples[/del] horseshit slavery rings can’t love one another and that they’re a result of [del]men[/del] pigs victimizing their [del]female partners[/del] incestually-abused fucktoys? Including setups where the females are the only ones who have multiple partners? What about a polyamorous group comprised of gay men? Or lesbian women? Or does he think that gay men and lesbian women are incapable of using one another? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/226 "2010-09-11T19:33:34Z")
> [@Jeneva](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > I don’t see how it’s sexist to object to the sexual exploitation of women. I do believe that most, if not all of them would prefer monogamy (unless they are bisexual), and that they go along with it to please men. > > Heterosexual non-monogamist here, for the record. How old were you when you first got molested? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/227 "2010-09-11T19:39:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Jeneva](#): > > > > Heterosexual non-monogamist here, for the record. > > How old were you when you first got molested? LOL :D:D:D:D:D:D:D OK, you’ve redeemed yourself and I love you again. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/228 "2010-09-11T19:48:17Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Stopped reading a few pages ago but I figured I’d check things out: Has **Dio** provided any cites (he seems to love demanding cites), not anecdotes but scientific studies (those are his favorite cites), that show that members of [del]polyamorous groups and swinger couples[/del] horseshit slavery rings can’t love one another and that they’re a result of [del]men[/del] pigs victimizing their [del]female partners[/del] incestually-abused fucktoys? Including setups where the females are the only ones who have multiple partners? What about a polyamorous group comprised of gay men? Or lesbian women? Or does he think that gay men and lesbian women are incapable of using one another? > > Thanks. I get a lot of my info from Dr. Drew. He’s _way_ down on swingers. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/229 "2010-09-11T19:50:01Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > > Stopped reading a few pages ago but I figured I’d check things out: Has **Dio** provided any cites (he seems to love demanding cites), not anecdotes but scientific studies (those are his favorite cites), that show that members of [del]polyamorous groups and swinger couples[/del] horseshit slavery rings can’t love one another and that they’re a result of [del]men[/del] pigs victimizing their [del]female partners[/del] incestually-abused fucktoys? Including setups where the females are the only ones who have multiple partners? What about a polyamorous group comprised of gay men? Or lesbian women? Or does he think that gay men and lesbian women are incapable of using one another? > > > > Thanks. > > I get a lot of my info from Dr. Drew. He’s _way_ down on swingers. Is that the guy from Love Line? I used to listen to those guys on the drive home every night. Love that show! Though according to him it’s likely that I was sexually abused and as far as I know I wasn’t. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/230 "2010-09-11T19:54:38Z")
That’s him. He was always right on the money when he said they’d been abused. It was uncanny. He could also tell them if they’d had an alcoholic parent or an abndoning dad, or whatever. He was like 100%. I don’t think I ever heard him guess wrong. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/231 "2010-09-11T20:05:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That’s him. He was always right on the money when he said they’d been abused. It was uncanny. He could also tell them if they’d had an alcoholic parent or an abndoning dad, or whatever. He was like 100%. I don’t think I ever heard him guess wrong. But the only people you’d hear him talking to were people who had issues and had to call in for advice. I have a friend and she and her girlfriend are swingers and they seem otherwise normal. On OkCupid there are a shit-ton of women who have normal relationships except that they (and not their male partners) are allowed to have sex (typically lesbian but not always) outside the relationship. I just think it’s really silly to say that all (or even most) polyamorous/swinging couples are the result of abuse (either by parents or by possessive/domineering male partners). That you can look at a lesbian couple who are polyamorous and say that they’re OK but look at a heterosexual couple and say that the man is abusing his SO _is_ sexist and trying to use your feminist wife as a qualifier doesn’t help your case. That’s like saying “Oh, don’t worry, I have a black friend”. Just because your wife calls herself a feminist doesn’t mean that she’s incapable of being wrong or sexist herself and it certainly doesn’t mean that you can’t be wrong or sexist. I’d be willing to wager that even if she didn’t tolerate misogynism from you she’d probably be OK with man-hating sexism the likes of which you’ve displayed in this thread. But I still love you for that earlier comment. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/232 "2010-09-11T20:30:50Z")
Between this thread and the other one (about the 20 something year old guy wondering if he should marry his girlfriend), you’re a veritable wise man when it comes to human relations, **AClockworkMelon**. I’m impressed. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/233 "2010-09-11T20:38:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Between this thread and the other one (about the 20 something year old guy wondering if he should marry his girlfriend), you’re a veritable wise man when it comes to human relations, **AClockworkMelon**. I’m impressed. Not sure if sarcasm… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/234 "2010-09-11T21:00:55Z")
Sorry, I never know how to make online compliments come across as sincere. This definitely was meant to be sincere! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/235 "2010-09-11T21:05:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Sorry, I never know how to make online compliments come across as sincere. This definitely was meant to be sincere! 😃 Oh, well in that case I’ve found a new siggy. That’s twice in one day! Thanks. Edit: Though I probably still would have used it if you weren’t sincere. Wouldn’t be the first insult I’ve used in my signature. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/236 "2010-09-11T21:09:34Z")
Sweet! Now I’m feeling a bit of warm fuzzies my way. I think this might be the first time I was quoted in someone’s sig. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/237 "2010-09-11T21:12:11Z")
In your face, **Alice the Goon**! ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/238 "2010-09-11T22:49:30Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Jeneva](#): > > > > Heterosexual non-monogamist here, for the record. > > How old were you when you first got molested? Have you stopped beating your wife? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/239 "2010-09-12T00:05:05Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Jeneva](#): > > > > Heterosexual non-monogamist here, for the record. > > How old were you when you first got molested? My wife has expressed that you’re the worst kind of jerk for even suggesting this. And no, she has never been molested. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/240 "2010-09-12T00:06:22Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > How old were you when you first got molested? > > My wife has expressed that you’re the worst kind of jerk for even suggesting this. And no, she has never been molested. Have you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684.md?page=13)