# Could you be friends with someone in a group marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684 "2010-09-05T14:44:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/241 "2010-09-12T01:22:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Zeriel](#): > > > > My wife has expressed that you’re the worst kind of jerk for even suggesting this. And no, she has never been molested. > > Have you? Nope. But I don’t count, since I’m an exploitative evil man, etc due to being in a poly relationship, and I don’t really love my wife, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/242 "2010-09-12T03:15:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That’s him. He was always right on the money when he said they’d been abused. It was uncanny. He could also tell them if they’d had an alcoholic parent or an abndoning dad, or whatever. He was like 100%. I don’t think I ever heard him guess wrong. Funny thing: I was listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day, and don’t you know, every single person who called in agreed with everything he said! This is clear proof that everyone in America is a Republican. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/243 "2010-09-12T04:26:50Z")
You think callers on Loveline were lying when they said they’d been molested? ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/244 "2010-09-12T04:49:29Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You think callers on Loveline were lying when they said they’d been molested? I think callers on loveline are a remarkably poor sample set, and you’d call bullshit on anyone who used so silly a cite on you. ---
**Author:** ![Doxy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@Doxy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doxy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/245 "2010-09-12T05:11:34Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Personally, I suspect that an arrangement like that wouldn’t work for the vast majority of people: Human irrationality would cause it to fall apart. That could be said for the serial monogamists in the world as well. What are the statistics? 50% of all marriages result in divorce?? [http://www.divorcestatistics.org/](http://www.divorcestatistics.org/) ---
**Author:** ![Doxy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@Doxy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doxy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/246 "2010-09-12T05:27:13Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Procrustus](#): > > > > oh boy, here we go. How is a foursome showing “lack of boundaries or emotional immaturity” any more than a twosome? > > Because it shows an inability form an exclusive, intimate bond with another person. There’s no love involved, just sex and avoiudance of intimacy. By this reasoning people with more than one child are liars when they say they love them all… It’s been my experience that the more I love, the more I’m capable of loving. ---
**Author:** ![Doxy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@Doxy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doxy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/247 "2010-09-12T05:36:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > But I find it hard to understand why one guy would want to blow another too. (I don’t find the idea immoral or repellent: I just don’t see the attraction of having a dick in my mouth.) FWIW… I’m female and I don’t see the attraction of having a dick in my mouth either! :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doxy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@Doxy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doxy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/248 "2010-09-12T05:44:44Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Kobal2](#): > > > > How would one get empirical evidence of emotional bonding ? Do you propose to hook up electrodes to a poly group to check if their hearts \*really \*skip a beat when they see each other ? Because trust me on this, love doesn’t show up in vivisections. > > That does not agree with my research. Are you saying that Woodie, Hamadryad, Ishtar, Galahad, Ira, Tamara, Hilda, Deety, Zeb, Jake, Maureen, Minerva, Mike, Athena, Laz, Lor, Castor, Pollux, Richard, and Justin all died in vain? Heh! 😃 I used to use “Hamadryad” or “Dorable Dora” as my nic back in the day… then I went to “Heinlein’s Doxy” which I then shortened to just plain ol’ “Doxy”! LOL (Love me some Tamara! and Hilda!) ---
**Author:** ![Doxy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@Doxy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doxy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/249 "2010-09-12T06:11:48Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@nicole1912](#): > > > > So, you don’t think that “men are pigs” is a misandrist statement? > > I am a man, so no. Self-hatred is not an uncommon phenomenon. You most certainly can be both male and misandrist. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/250 "2010-09-12T07:04:59Z")
Dr. Drew from Loveline used to say that women who had a high speaking voice were speaking that way because they were likely molested, and using their ‘little girl’ voice because of that. I think that kind of psuedo-psychology deserves to be laughed at heartily. Fuck Dr. Drew. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/251 "2010-09-12T08:24:19Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You think callers on Loveline were lying when they said they’d been molested? Do you think that Rush Limbaugh’s callers are lying about being conservative? No? Then that must not have been the point of the analogy, was it? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/252 "2010-09-12T08:36:09Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I think callers on loveline are a remarkably poor sample set, and you’d call bullshit on anyone who used so silly a cite on you. Good point. In fact, he’s more-or-less done so already. Let’s go to the tape, shall we? > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Empirical, scientific evidence. Not anecdotes on a message board. So, apparently, anecdotes on a message board are meaningless, but anecdotes on a radio show are iron clad proof. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/253 "2010-09-12T10:12:03Z")
> [@Doxy](#): > > It’s been my experience that the more I love, the more I’m capable of loving. Yes, well said. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/254 "2010-09-12T14:58:27Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Dr. Drew from Loveline used to say that women who had a high speaking voice were speaking that way because they were likely molested, and using their ‘little girl’ voice because of that. I think that kind of psuedo-psychology deserves to be laughed at heartily. Fuck Dr. Drew. I remember that. I think I started a thread about it a couple years back because it sounded so weird. Actually, sometimes I’ll just do the little girl/cutesy baby voice for fun. Not with everyone or all the time but for fun. If Loveline were still around, I’d be so tempted to call in with that voice, wait for D. Drew to go, “Were you molested?” and then to respond, “NO, IN YOUR FACE MOTHERFUCKER!” (In the cute voice, of course.) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/255 "2010-09-12T15:30:01Z")
I still like Dr Drew. I thought a lot of the advice he gave was pretty insightful. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/256 "2010-09-12T15:41:48Z")
This is the [old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=433753) I started about Dr. Drew and the molested callers. It’s about three years old. ---
**Author:** ![Peeta\_Mellark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Peeta\_Mellark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peeta_Mellark)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/257 "2010-09-12T15:56:29Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > > > Dr. Drew from Loveline used to say that women who had a high speaking voice were speaking that way because they were likely molested, and using their ‘little girl’ voice because of that. I think that kind of psuedo-psychology deserves to be laughed at heartily. Fuck Dr. Drew. > > I remember that. I think I started a thread about it a couple years back because it sounded so weird. > > Actually, sometimes I’ll just do the little girl/cutesy baby voice for fun. Not with everyone or all the time but for fun. If Loveline were still around, I’d be so tempted to call in with that voice, wait for D. Drew to go, “Were you molested?” and then to respond, “NO, IN YOUR FACE MOTHERFUCKER!” (In the cute voice, of course.) \<3 The show is stupid and the whole “molestation” thing operates on the same principle as a phone psychic. Those who want to belieeeeeeve in the powah of Dr. Drew will remember all the times he said someone was molested and was right. They forget the many, many times he was wrong. The times when he has insisted to some poor woman that whether she admits it or not _she was molested_. I suppose the true believers just think, like Dr. Drew does, that the woman is in denial. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/258 "2010-09-12T16:47:30Z")
He was never wrong, and he never insisted it a caller denied it. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/259 "2010-09-12T17:26:07Z")
I eventually got the impressioin from Dr. Drew that if someone had a hangnail, he’d claim it was because they’d been molested. It was ridiculous. And I do remember him responding with a more or less “if you say so” attitude if the caller said they hadn’t been molested, if not outright claiming that they either didn’t want to admit it or had suppressed the memory. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684/260 "2010-09-12T18:39:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > He was never wrong, and he never insisted it a caller denied it. Well, which is it? Was he never wrong? Or did he get callers who said they hadn’t been molested? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-friends-with-someone-in-a-group-marriage/552684.md?page=14)