# Could you be President? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2005, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732 "2005-03-29T04:05:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/41 "2005-03-30T22:06:25Z")
Legally: -American citizen -American native -I just turned 35½ last Saturday. -I was living in France as recently as 1995 (but I never renounced my citizenship), which means I’ll have to wait until 2012 before I can run. Obviously: -I’m male -I’m white -I was raised Roman Catholic, but I don’t practice. I know the Bible pretty well, and I like reading it, but I’m still an agnostic. -I’m openly straight (but if being gay or bisexual will get me to the White House, I’m willing to look into it…) -I’m 6’2”, which is tall enough for American voters. -No facial hair. The last president elected with facial hair was William Howard Taft, in 1908. (The last facial hair-bearing candidate to be nominated by a major party was the moustached Tom Dewey in 1948, who didn’t win.) Less obviously -Second-born child of four. -I’ve got a BA in English from Penn State, though I’ve never been in the military. I made Eagle Scout, though. -I’m a Pennsylvania native, and I’ve lived in Iowa, New Jersey, and currently, New York—all of which have spawned presidents. I’ve also lived in France, which has spawned French presidents, though I lived in Alsace, which spawned no presidents of anywhere that I’m aware of. Where I grew up in Pennsylvania was a few towns over from William McKinley’s hometown of Niles, Ohio, so maybe there was some presidentiality in the water? Something that seeped over from the Mahoning Valley to the Shenango Valley? Also, Alf Landon is from the next town over from my hometown. That’s got to count for something… right? Other possible disqualifiers -I’m fluent in French, which could hurt me among the rowdy bigot cadre. -My last name ends in a vowel that you pronounce. Arguably, you could say the same thing about McKinley and Kennedy (not Monroe,) but their names don’t sound as ethnic as mine does, which is a Polish name that ends in A. It looks simple to pronounce, I’d say, but my job has me on the phone with lots of people around the country and you be surprised how many stumble over it, particularly Southerners. (Illinoisans have no problem, particularly those from Chicagoland, but a state that elects Rod Blagojevich as governor, and elects Dan Rostenkowski… well, no surprise there.) I’ll do okay in the Rust Belt, though—particularly on my pro-kielbasa-and-pierogie platform.) -I’m as yet unmarried, but we’ve elected two bachelors to the White House, and one of them was also from Pennsylvania. If my girlfriend moves in with me, my political career is shot. It’s all in her hands. We haven’t been going out long enough to discuss marriage, but I’ve got until 2012 to work that out. -If anyone asks me who my political heroes are, I’ll tell them they’re Benjamin Franklin, William Jennings Bryan, Abraham Lincoln, Bob LaFollette, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, Robert Kennedy and Eugene V. Debs. The right-wing echo chamber will seize on my affinity for Debs, decide that I must be some kind of Bolshevik, and launch a crusade against me. -I’ve got a bald spot. Americans haven’t elected a bald or balding president since… um… Taft? Cleveland? Okay, okay, I’ll get some Rogaine… or some of that swell spray-on hair from Ronco… ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/42 "2005-03-31T00:58:29Z")
Well, it looks like I fail on the basis of gender (female), military service (none), and geography (grew up in Indiana, currently live in Maryland. Add to it, I’m single with no kids. You can keep your campaign contributions. I’m going nowhere. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/43 "2005-03-31T02:06:41Z")
nah… my rum running in high school would surface eventually. Good thing, too. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/44 "2005-03-31T03:04:15Z")
Damn, if it weren’t for the pesky fact I’m female I’d qualify. I’ve got a non-medical degree, I’ve had military(although enlisted) service, I’m old enough, Christian, straight, one of three children, a US citizen, over 35, and so on. Maybe I could be a pioneer! ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/45 "2005-03-31T05:20:40Z")
I qualify other than military service. Since 3 of our last 4 presidents didn’t serve, I don’t think that’s a deal killer. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/46 "2005-03-31T06:51:14Z")
Too young, though give me about 15 years and I guess that’d fix itself. I’m female, non-Christian, no military service, and I’m from Mississippi. Shame, really. For my inaugeration I’d like to arrive in a wheelbarrel pushed by naked women, ala Heliogabalus. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/47 "2005-03-31T11:29:35Z")
**Electability** Native-born citizen White Christian Not an only child **Knocking me out of the race:** 31 Female Although Christian, I’m technically Catholic (although I don’t really practice anything), and while I don’t know that there’s as much of an anti-catholic sentiment as there was in say, Al Smith’s day, I still think it can be something of a liability. I inhaled in college. Never in the military, much less an officer ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/48 "2005-03-31T11:41:29Z")
I’m out for a vast number of reasons. > [@Little Nemo](#): > > Are you not an American citizen? No. > [@](#): > > Are you not a native-born citizen? No. > [@](#): > > Are you less than 35 years old? Yes. > [@](#): > > Have you been living in the United States less than 14 years? Yes. As a matter of fact, I’ve never even been there. > [@](#): > > Are you a woman? No. I kind of doubt that is going to outweigh my shortcomings, though. > [@](#): > > Are you any race other than white? No, but that probably won’t help either. > [@](#): > > Do you practice any religion other than Christianity? No, but I don’t practice Christianity either, so that’s little aid. > [@](#): > > Are you openly gay or bisexual? Yep. It’s looking bad for me. > [@](#): > > No President has ever been an only child. Nor am I. Hey, it’s looking up! > [@](#): > > A professional degree is good, but no President has ever had any medical degree. People obviously don’t want a President who’s seen them naked. I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen many people naked. > [@](#): > > Military service is also a plus, but every President who’s served has been an officer. I’ve had no military service, despite being born and raised in a country with compulsory military service. > [@](#): > > And you’ve got to bring geography to the ticket. No one’s ever been elected President from the following states: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, or Wyoming. I’m not from any of those states, so that’s one less thing to worry about. I’m also so far to the left that many Americans probably doubt I still exist. That might be an obstacle as well. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/49 "2005-03-31T13:12:27Z")
I’m white, 47 years old, Christian (although a non practicing agnostic one), one of 4 children, straight, so it would appear on the surface that I could be president. I also tend to be brutally truthful and hold to my view of what is correct and ethical whether or not it’s a popular view. So, no… I couldn’t be president. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/50 "2005-03-31T23:48:36Z")
I’m male, native-born and over 35. So far, so good. But… No military service Not just gay, but kinky Skeletons in the closet? Oh my… Does appearing in a handful of porn films count? Atheist Not a dog lover ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/51 "2005-04-01T19:10:53Z")
Not native-born. So that’d be No. Also not quite 35 (though I will be by the next Presidential election) and am a quasi-minority (half-white, half-not). ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732/52 "2005-04-01T21:43:52Z")
I’m completely screwed. About the only things i’ve got going for me are my age (35) and the fact that i’m a straight white guy (you’d think that would be enough :)). But i was born in Canada, lived most of my life in Australia, have only been in the US for about four years, and am not even a permanent resident, let alone a citizen. I live in Maryland, which is a disqualifying state. I’m an atheist, and quite open about it. While i’m not gay, i’m too outspoken in favor of things like SSM to ever get elected. I’m not an only child, so i guess that would work in my favor. I’ve never even contemplated joining the military, and have participated in the occasional anti-war and pro-choice march in my time, although i have never been photographed sitting with Jane Fonda. I will hopefully receive my PhD degree in the next couple of years. It will be from Johns Hopkins University, which would at least give me something in common with Woodrow Wilson, who is the only president ever to have held a proper (as opposed to an honorary) doctorate. I’ve said far too many things on this message board that would kill any political aspirations i might have. And i don’t know if the FBI can find out about this sort of stuff, but i’ve probably also looked at too much porn. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-be-president/296732.md?page=2)