# Could you behead yourself with a sword? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 17, 2011, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016 "2011-08-17T11:36:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/21 "2011-08-17T13:39:52Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > Didn’t we already have a thread on this? I’m sure we did but I can’t find it. Quite possibly, might be why the mad question was flying around my head. A search didn’t find anything of exact relevance, ‘yourself’ was too common when searching ‘behead yourself sword’. Edit; here it is from 2004: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=282297&highlight=sword+decapitate](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=282297&highlight=sword+decapitate) Decapitate, not behead in the search terms. Although that includes chainsaws and the like, I’m just interested in the sword. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/22 "2011-08-17T16:09:06Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > Oh well, that’s no fun then! > > So, no chance at all of beheading yourself if it was just you and the sword? What about holding the blade behind your head with both hands, the edge towards your neck, then pulling it forward hard while throwing your head back? No. If you note what happens when you throw your head back, the head pivots at the top of the neck. The neck itself doesn’t move, so it doesn’t contribute to the force. Plus, if you’re holding the blade behind your head with both hands, there’s no momentum to speak of. There’s just brute force. I’m not sure if brute force is sufficient to break through the bones and ligaments of the vertebral column. Assuming a very strong person with a very strong blade, his outcomes are either (a) cut through the front of the neck and bleed out immediately, or (b) cut through the back of the neck, against all odds severing the spine, at which point he becomes a paralyzed rag doll and can cut no further. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/23 "2011-08-17T19:10:18Z")
I seriously doubt it. It’s reputedly hard enough for someone else, given a position of advantage and leverage, to do so at a single stroke. Executioners who could lop off a head quickly and with few strokes were supposed to be much in demand. The guillotine and other such execution machines were, I have been informed, invented precisely to avoid the mess and mangling of botched executions. Of course, there’s this entry from Ambrose Bierce’s _The Devil’s Dictionary_: > [@](#): > > SCIMETAR, n. A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth century. > > When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his Majesty’s surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead! > “Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!” shouted the enraged monarch. “Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off by the public executioner at three o’clock? And is it not now 3:10?” > “Son of a thousand illustrious deities,” answered the condemned minister, “all that you say is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty’s sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The executioner appeared with his bare scimetar, ostentatiously whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck, strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable and treasonous head.” > “To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled caitiff belong?” asked the Mikado. > “To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh – I know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi.” > “Let him be brought before me,” said the Mikado to an attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the Presence. > “Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!” roared the sovereign – “why didst thou but lightly tap the neck that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?” > “Lord of Cranes of Cherry Blooms,” replied the executioner, unmoved, “command him to blow his nose with his fingers.” > Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close, without incident. > All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled and his breath came in gasps of terror. > “Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!” he cried; “I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimetar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office.” > So saying, he gasped his top-knot, lifted off his head, and advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado’s feet. [http://www.online-literature.com/view.php/devilsdictionary/19?term=executioner](http://www.online-literature.com/view.php/devilsdictionary/19?term=executioner) ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/24 "2011-08-17T19:17:40Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Experiment Time! > > I may be back… Step 1: Hold sword in non-dominant hand. Step 2: Hold beer in dominant hand. Step 3: Say “Hold my beer.” … (steps deleted for safety reasons) … Step 7: Collect Darwin Award. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/25 "2011-08-17T21:34:19Z")
I’m thinking you call up the Mythbusters - they’ve got a [gadget](http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-slicing-a-sword.html) that’ll do the job. But they may not get there in time to prevent your zombie-morphosis. The best sword-free way to protect others would be to put in a ball gag - you won’t be able to remove it if its secured well enough, and you won’t be able to bite anyone. But if you’re committed to self-decapitation, the challenge you’re going to have is ensuring that the spine is completely severed - it would be a real pisser if the last thought that went through your head was a realization that the blade hung up on a vertebra. Next thing you know, you’re chanting for braaains and doing the watusi. Affixing the blade horizontally, with enough stability to withstand a high-speed strike, would be problematic unless you have some major power tools and engineering skills. I’d say the best way would be a variation of **Mr. Kobayashi** ’s last suggestion: > [@Mr. Kobayashi](#): > > What about holding the blade behind your head with both hands, the edge towards your neck, then pulling it forward hard while throwing your head back? Then you’d sever the spine…but have to hope the weight of the sword and forward motion will carve through the oesophagus. If you positioned the sword like a yoke, with your arms draped over it from behind, and grabbed a gallon of milk in each hand to add some extra weight, this way you’d go through the spine fairly accurately first, and after that it’s all gravy (well, mostly sinew, trachea, and other bits). If I understand zombie physiology correctly, the key is to sever the spinal column, so this should do the trick. And if I’m wrong, at least the only thing holding your floppy head on would be the fleshy bits that would decompose quicker anyway, so eventually you’d acheive the same result. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/26 "2011-08-17T23:01:27Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > The simplest option, and one that they always seem to overlook in movies, it to tie yourself to a tree with a dog chain. Since zombies lack the co-ordination and intelligence to undo a chain, and the can’t bit through chain, the threat is effectively ended. I do believe a character in the Guillermo del Toro / Chuck Hogan book **The Strain** did that in an attempt to save his family from himself, except it was inside a dog shed, not to a tree. The chain and collar were there, though, and that’s what kept him under control. Also, it was vampirism, not zombie-ism, that was the problem. Fortunately he was a pretty dumb vampire. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/27 "2011-08-18T04:55:20Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > I seriously doubt it… People, people, people…THIS is why you need to make some friends. ---
**Author:** ![Granny\_Weatherwax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ec9cab/32.png) [@Granny\_Weatherwax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granny_Weatherwax)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/28 "2011-08-18T17:31:40Z")
In Jessica Salmonson’s Tomoe Gozen trilogy, the main character prepares to behead herself. She has two katana which she crosses behind her neck; the plan was to draw both of them down at once, slicing her neck from both sides–she’s stopped in time so we never get to see if it would actually work. This technique presupposes VERY sharp blades and, I would think, considerable strength, but it’s at least a possibility. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/29 "2011-08-18T18:04:24Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Experiment Time! > > I may be back… Give us a heads-up on how it turns out. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/30 "2011-08-18T18:42:36Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > In that case it’s simple. Wrap the ends of the blade with padding. Folded newspaper works just fine. Tie rope to each end of the blade to produce a crude sling. Tie the sling to a longer rope. Place the sling behind you neck and the blade under your jaw. > > Now hang yourself. > > Guaranteed decapitation. Assuming you have the rope, this would take about 2 minutes. Guaranteed? I bet half the time the sword would turn sideways or get hung up on a vertebra. If you’re going to allow hanging, you probably don’t even need the sword. Just get some strong wire, anchor it well, loop it around, and jump from a suitably high place. But swinging the blade in any fashion? I can’t think of any combination of sharpness of blade or shape of sword that would allow it. Necks are tough. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/31 "2011-08-18T18:55:18Z")
Didn’t one of the rulers in the Far East, way back when, have some device consisting of a blade with chains on the end and stirrups? The condemned set the blade on the back of the neck, put his feet in the stirrups, then straightened out his legs and beheaded himself. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/32 "2011-08-18T19:35:21Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Didn’t one of the rulers in the Far East, way back when, have some device consisting of a blade with chains on the end and stirrups? The condemned set the blade on the back of the neck, put his feet in the stirrups, then straightened out his legs and beheaded himself. No clue, but that sounds cool! You could hook something like that up with some gym equipment. Or just use it to crush your skull. ---
**Author:** ![Wallydraigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wallydraigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallydraigle)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016/33 "2011-08-19T17:45:37Z")
Someone in the book _The Journeyer_ had a thing like that. Not sure how historically accurate that part is though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-behead-yourself-with-a-sword/593016.md?page=1)