Quite possibly, might be why the mad question was flying around my head. A search didn’t find anything of exact relevance, ‘yourself’ was too common when searching ‘behead yourself sword’.
Edit; here it is from 2004:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=282297&highlight=sword+decapitate
Decapitate, not behead in the search terms. Although that includes chainsaws and the like, I’m just interested in the sword.
No. If you note what happens when you throw your head back, the head pivots at the top of the neck. The neck itself doesn’t move, so it doesn’t contribute to the force.
Plus, if you’re holding the blade behind your head with both hands, there’s no momentum to speak of. There’s just brute force. I’m not sure if brute force is sufficient to break through the bones and ligaments of the vertebral column.
Assuming a very strong person with a very strong blade, his outcomes are either (a) cut through the front of the neck and bleed out immediately, or (b) cut through the back of the neck, against all odds severing the spine, at which point he becomes a paralyzed rag doll and can cut no further.
I seriously doubt it. It’s reputedly hard enough for someone else, given a position of advantage and leverage, to do so at a single stroke. Executioners who could lop off a head quickly and with few strokes were supposed to be much in demand. The guillotine and other such execution machines were, I have been informed, invented precisely to avoid the mess and mangling of botched executions.
Of course, there’s this entry from Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary:
http://www.online-literature.com/view.php/devilsdictionary/19?term=executioner
Step 1: Hold sword in non-dominant hand.
Step 2: Hold beer in dominant hand.
Step 3: Say “Hold my beer.”
… (steps deleted for safety reasons) …
Step 7: Collect Darwin Award.
I’m thinking you call up the Mythbusters - they’ve got a gadget that’ll do the job.
But they may not get there in time to prevent your zombie-morphosis. The best sword-free way to protect others would be to put in a ball gag - you won’t be able to remove it if its secured well enough, and you won’t be able to bite anyone.
But if you’re committed to self-decapitation, the challenge you’re going to have is ensuring that the spine is completely severed - it would be a real pisser if the last thought that went through your head was a realization that the blade hung up on a vertebra. Next thing you know, you’re chanting for braaains and doing the watusi.
Affixing the blade horizontally, with enough stability to withstand a high-speed strike, would be problematic unless you have some major power tools and engineering skills.
I’d say the best way would be a variation of Mr. Kobayashi’s last suggestion:
If you positioned the sword like a yoke, with your arms draped over it from behind, and grabbed a gallon of milk in each hand to add some extra weight, this way you’d go through the spine fairly accurately first, and after that it’s all gravy (well, mostly sinew, trachea, and other bits).
If I understand zombie physiology correctly, the key is to sever the spinal column, so this should do the trick. And if I’m wrong, at least the only thing holding your floppy head on would be the fleshy bits that would decompose quicker anyway, so eventually you’d acheive the same result.
I do believe a character in the Guillermo del Toro / Chuck Hogan book The Strain did that in an attempt to save his family from himself, except it was inside a dog shed, not to a tree. The chain and collar were there, though, and that’s what kept him under control.
Also, it was vampirism, not zombie-ism, that was the problem. Fortunately he was a pretty dumb vampire.
People, people, people…THIS is why you need to make some friends.
In Jessica Salmonson’s Tomoe Gozen trilogy, the main character prepares to behead herself. She has two katana which she crosses behind her neck; the plan was to draw both of them down at once, slicing her neck from both sides–she’s stopped in time so we never get to see if it would actually work. This technique presupposes VERY sharp blades and, I would think, considerable strength, but it’s at least a possibility.
Give us a heads-up on how it turns out.
Guaranteed? I bet half the time the sword would turn sideways or get hung up on a vertebra.
If you’re going to allow hanging, you probably don’t even need the sword. Just get some strong wire, anchor it well, loop it around, and jump from a suitably high place.
But swinging the blade in any fashion? I can’t think of any combination of sharpness of blade or shape of sword that would allow it. Necks are tough.
Didn’t one of the rulers in the Far East, way back when, have some device consisting of a blade with chains on the end and stirrups? The condemned set the blade on the back of the neck, put his feet in the stirrups, then straightened out his legs and beheaded himself.
No clue, but that sounds cool! You could hook something like that up with some gym equipment. Or just use it to crush your skull.
Someone in the book The Journeyer had a thing like that. Not sure how historically accurate that part is though.