# Could you date/marry someone who has had hundreds of sexual partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124 "2009-06-08T18:29:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/41 "2009-06-09T21:39:39Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > Hundreds??? > > No. > > I don’t even like the idea of “dozens.” > > Unless you’re Hefner, there’s no realistic world in which you have screwed hundreds of people. I’m sure it happens, but I don’t wanna meet/screw the person who has done it. > > Call me crazy, but if you’ve screwed over a hundred people, there’s simply something wrong with the way your brain is wired. You don’t lead a lifestyle that I can jive with, and what is important to you is clearly not what is important to me. Maybe that’s lame and judgmental and narrow-minded, but…seriously?? HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE?? > > You’re clearly looking for something you can’t find. And I’m not it. And if I looked up the words “judgmental,” “self-righteous” and “sanctimonious” in the dictionary, whose picture would I see? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/42 "2009-06-09T21:45:22Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Hell, I bet some of you have slept with me by that metric. 😉 Yes, and you weren’t that good. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/43 "2009-06-09T22:00:16Z")
> [@Starring\_Emma](#): > > No… it would be best if we were both virgins. Although I don’t think many guys stay virgins very long after their teen age years. “Guys”? How do those guys stop being virgins unless they have sex? And who are they having sex with? This is one of the memes that annoys me: “Men sleep around all the time, but women don’t.” Excuse me, that’s impossible, unless you’re talking about getting hot, throbbing man-on-man action. ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/44 "2009-06-09T22:01:16Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > “Guys”? How do those guys stop being virgins unless they have sex? And who are they having sex with? This is one of the memes that annoys me: “Men sleep around all the time, but women don’t.” Excuse me, that’s impossible, unless you’re talking about getting hot, throbbing man-on-man action. Now I’m paying _even_ more attention to where this thread’s going. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/45 "2009-06-09T22:02:27Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And if I looked up the words “judgmental,” “self-righteous” and “sanctimonious” in the dictionary, whose picture would I see? Roget’s? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/46 "2009-06-09T22:07:04Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > “Guys”? How do those guys stop being virgins unless they have sex? And who are they having sex with? This is one of the memes that annoys me: “Men sleep around all the time, but women don’t.” Excuse me, that’s impossible, unless you’re talking about getting hot, throbbing man-on-man action. Board rules require that someone immediately reply with “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Though I think there’s an implicit assumption i **Emma’s** position that you’re missing. ---
**Author:** ![conurepete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@conurepete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/conurepete)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/47 "2009-06-10T00:43:03Z")
I would, I figure they have had a chance to figure out what they liked. But they would really have to want to be married to me, and monogamous ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/48 "2009-06-10T03:29:25Z")
Yes, no problem. In fact, I have - presuming ‘hundreds’ can mean ‘over a hundred’ rather than ‘several hundred.’ A few wild years can easily bump up your total. It doesn’t mean you’re still sleeping around now, incapable of monogamy, that you’re mentally ill, or ‘almost 100% likely to have an STD,’ or any of the things some of you are suggesting. It can sometimes mean that you were just very popular and not very good at saying no. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/49 "2009-06-10T05:46:12Z")
> [@](#): > > A few wild years can easily bump up your total. It doesn’t mean you’re still sleeping around now, incapable of monogamy, that you’re mentally ill, or ‘almost 100% likely to have an STD,’ or any of the things some of you are suggesting. It can sometimes mean that you were just very popular and not very good at saying no. Well, yeah like a reformed Pink Red Sox Hat Girl type would have a wild past…but on the other hand, overall it does seem like the vast majority of the “sexually free” population really does have a lot of issues with simply maintaining a healthy relationship with someone. God, MANY if not virtually ALL of those types tend to have VERY crappy self esteem. Our society says " Sex is the way to be accepted. Have sex (especially with lots and lots of people) and YOU will have MADE it! I would bet that the number of emotionally healthy people who are all “sexee” is probaly very very low. ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/50 "2009-06-10T06:17:04Z")
I’m 44 years old. I had a few wild years in the 80’s, so my total number of sexual partners is probably around a hundred. I was married and I was completely faithful and monogamous all the time we were together. I’ve had messed up self-esteem and depression which kept me from connecting with anyone sexually for years at a time. It’s not hard to rack up a hundred sex partners in your twenties. If I were pretty and female, it could have been hundreds. I also can’t imagine asking a lover how many people they’ve slept with. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/51 "2009-06-10T16:58:05Z")
Wouldn’t care a drop. I have no idea how many sexual partners my current bf has had, and it wouldn’t matter to me. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/52 "2009-06-10T17:14:14Z")
Sure. I was somewhere around #40 for the second girl I was with, and she was probably 27 at the time. It didn’t bother me at all. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/53 "2009-06-10T20:06:50Z")
It’s not something that usually comes up right away; if I were dating someone that I liked otherwise and he told me that he’d had hundreds of other sex partners, I wouldn’t break up with him over it. If he had slept around a lot because he had some mental/emotional issues, those issues might mean that I wouldn’t date him, but not the sleeping around itself. I would imagine such a fellow would be less inclined to judge me on some of my college escapades and would be more sexually adventurous in general. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/54 "2009-06-10T20:37:08Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > God, MANY if not virtually ALL of those types tend to have VERY crappy self esteem. So what happened when my partner and I met and became monogamous? Did we miraculously acquire self-esteem overnight? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/55 "2009-06-10T20:42:44Z")
Sex feels good. Sex with a new partner feels good and exciting. We’re hard-wired for it. Where does low self esteem come into this? ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/56 "2009-06-10T20:53:36Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > Hundreds??? > > No. > > I don’t even like the idea of “dozens.” > > Unless you’re Hefner, there’s no realistic world in which you have screwed hundreds of people. I’m sure it happens, but I don’t wanna meet/screw the person who has done it. > > Call me crazy, but if you’ve screwed over a hundred people, there’s simply something wrong with the way your brain is wired. You don’t lead a lifestyle that I can jive with, and what is important to you is clearly not what is important to me. Maybe that’s lame and judgmental and narrow-minded, but…seriously?? HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE?? > > You’re clearly looking for something you can’t find. And I’m not it. Sorry to sound like an old prude but I agree with you 100%. Hundreds?? Doing the math and giving yourself an entire decade that equates to 10 different partners a year. At what point does the term “sleeps around” enter anyone’s psyche? Even on my best year the most partners I had was 4 and I was beginning to feel a bit skeeved out by it. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/57 "2009-06-10T21:14:16Z")
Sure. Having had many partners doesn’t make one incapable of monogamy. Some years you have ten men. Some men you have ten years. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/58 "2009-06-11T09:25:16Z")
That mere fact alone would not be a deal breaker in the absence of other contributing factors like propensity towards infidelity, non affectionateness. unsafe sex, or STDs. Especially since it’s not all that uncommon in the gay world, especially for those over 30 who’ve had time to… accumulate or who live in large cities with a large potential dating pool. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/59 "2009-06-11T14:41:03Z")
I feel like the Internet has made it a lot easier also. I was in a monogamous relationship for a little over 2 years (as my heartbroken ex reminds me, 2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days), he was my 3rd. Fast-forward 9 months, and add in Manhunt and craigslist and bear411, and “hey we’re having a 3-way, come on over” or “I’ll give you $100 to suck my dick”, and you have me in a monogamous relationship with 50+ people in those intervening months. And having lost almost 100 pounds in the last several years, I can tell you that self-esteem has nothing to do with it, unless it’s my POSITIVE self-image getting me out there. The idea that I’d put a medium shirt on that is too big would have never occurred to me before. ---
**Author:** ![SnakeBabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@SnakeBabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakeBabe)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124/60 "2009-06-13T15:32:57Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Inspired by, and recommended by, **Sklad** and his thread… Oops, I should have answered here. Yes I could and I did marry a guy like that. we are on 12 years of being happily married. Hugs and Hissessss, Maria [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-date-marry-someone-who-has-had-hundreds-of-sexual-partners/499124.md?page=4)