And if I looked up the words “judgmental,” “self-righteous” and “sanctimonious” in the dictionary, whose picture would I see?
Yes, and you weren’t that good. 
“Guys”? How do those guys stop being virgins unless they have sex? And who are they having sex with? This is one of the memes that annoys me: “Men sleep around all the time, but women don’t.” Excuse me, that’s impossible, unless you’re talking about getting hot, throbbing man-on-man action.
Now I’m paying even more attention to where this thread’s going. 
Roget’s?
Board rules require that someone immediately reply with “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Though I think there’s an implicit assumption iEmma’s position that you’re missing.
I would, I figure they have had a chance to figure out what they liked. But they would really have to want to be married to me, and monogamous
Yes, no problem. In fact, I have - presuming ‘hundreds’ can mean ‘over a hundred’ rather than ‘several hundred.’
A few wild years can easily bump up your total. It doesn’t mean you’re still sleeping around now, incapable of monogamy, that you’re mentally ill, or ‘almost 100% likely to have an STD,’ or any of the things some of you are suggesting. It can sometimes mean that you were just very popular and not very good at saying no.
Well, yeah like a reformed Pink Red Sox Hat Girl type would have a wild past…but on the other hand, overall it does seem like the vast majority of the “sexually free” population really does have a lot of issues with simply maintaining a healthy relationship with someone.
God, MANY if not virtually ALL of those types tend to have VERY crappy self esteem. Our society says " Sex is the way to be accepted. Have sex (especially with lots and lots of people) and YOU will have MADE it!
I would bet that the number of emotionally healthy people who are all “sexee”
is probaly very very low.
I’m 44 years old. I had a few wild years in the 80’s, so my total number of sexual partners is probably around a hundred. I was married and I was completely faithful and monogamous all the time we were together. I’ve had messed up self-esteem and depression which kept me from connecting with anyone sexually for years at a time. It’s not hard to rack up a hundred sex partners in your twenties. If I were pretty and female, it could have been hundreds.
I also can’t imagine asking a lover how many people they’ve slept with.
Wouldn’t care a drop. I have no idea how many sexual partners my current bf has had, and it wouldn’t matter to me.
Sure. I was somewhere around #40 for the second girl I was with, and she was probably 27 at the time. It didn’t bother me at all.
It’s not something that usually comes up right away; if I were dating someone that I liked otherwise and he told me that he’d had hundreds of other sex partners, I wouldn’t break up with him over it.
If he had slept around a lot because he had some mental/emotional issues, those issues might mean that I wouldn’t date him, but not the sleeping around itself.
I would imagine such a fellow would be less inclined to judge me on some of my college escapades and would be more sexually adventurous in general.
So what happened when my partner and I met and became monogamous? Did we miraculously acquire self-esteem overnight?
Sex feels good. Sex with a new partner feels good and exciting. We’re hard-wired for it. Where does low self esteem come into this?
Sorry to sound like an old prude but I agree with you 100%. Hundreds??
Doing the math and giving yourself an entire decade that equates to 10 different partners a year. At what point does the term “sleeps around” enter anyone’s psyche?
Even on my best year the most partners I had was 4 and I was beginning to feel a bit skeeved out by it.
Sure. Having had many partners doesn’t make one incapable of monogamy. Some years you have ten men. Some men you have ten years.
That mere fact alone would not be a deal breaker in the absence of other contributing factors like propensity towards infidelity, non affectionateness. unsafe sex, or STDs. Especially since it’s not all that uncommon in the gay world, especially for those over 30 who’ve had time to… accumulate or who live in large cities with a large potential dating pool.
I feel like the Internet has made it a lot easier also. I was in a monogamous relationship for a little over 2 years (as my heartbroken ex reminds me, 2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days), he was my 3rd. Fast-forward 9 months, and add in Manhunt and craigslist and bear411, and “hey we’re having a 3-way, come on over” or “I’ll give you $100 to suck my dick”, and you have me in a monogamous relationship with 50+ people in those intervening months.
And having lost almost 100 pounds in the last several years, I can tell you that self-esteem has nothing to do with it, unless it’s my POSITIVE self-image getting me out there. The idea that I’d put a medium shirt on that is too big would have never occurred to me before.
Oops, I should have answered here.
Yes I could and I did marry a guy like that. we are on 12 years of being happily married.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria