# Could you knock out an enraged chimp?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [July 7, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830 "2010-07-07T08:20:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 10
### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/181 "2010-07-13T12:10:34Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> The chimp doesn’t need “power and leverage”. The way apes fight (at least according to Frank buck, and a lot in this thread seems to corroborate it) is to pull in close and bite. Holding it off the ground won’t keep it from doing that.
This might seem like a stupid question, but how smart are Chimps? let’s say they’ve got the Meatros Mouthguard in, would it still try to pull you in close to bite?
I’m thinking, if so, then that might give a trained fighter time to execute a good shot or two at the Chimp skull…
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/182 "2010-07-13T12:55:38Z")
Can I wear my [knuckle-dusters](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V0a_za20rc)?
600g of steel in each hand might give you a fighting chance. They’d probably kill a human being.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/183 "2010-07-13T13:50:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> This might seem like a stupid question, but how smart are Chimps? let’s say they’ve got the Meatros Mouthguard in, would it still try to pull you in close to bite?
>
> I’m thinking, if so, then that might give a trained fighter time to execute a good shot or two at the Chimp skull…
Damned if I know. I’m not an expert on chimps.
I’d feel marginally less worried, knowing that the chimp was denied the use of its instinctive and #1 method of raising havoc. But chimps are skilled at opening locks and such, and might figure out how to de-muzzle themselves.
More directly, though, they still have the use of the hands and arms, and these are immensely powerful. It can still grab things and crush them, or try to pull them off, all single-handed. and it doesn’t need to touch the ground to be able to grab, say, each of my arms with one of its arms and pull until something gets popped out of its socket, or worse.
I don’t know that it would feel compelled to do so by instinct, if deprived of the use of its teeth, or could rationalize that it could substitute carnage by use of hands when denied that of its mouth. But _my_ knowledge that it could do so would still make me very worried.
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### Author:  [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/184 "2010-07-13T17:50:18Z")
So I’m gonna assume that Magiver isn’t going to admit he was wrong here?
Also, I’m sure iron knuckles would help. But so would a knife or a pistol.
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### Author:  [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/185 "2010-07-13T17:56:41Z")
There’s something about this discussion about how to fight a chimp reminds me of Stymie in the “Our Gang” short “Shiver My Timbers” where he’s talking about how he could beat up a pirate, and he goes on talking, while making punching motions, saying, "I’d hit him like this, and I’d hit him like that, and I’d hit him like this, and. . . "
I’d be curious about a fight between a chimp and a gorilla. Gotta give the size advantage to the gorilla, but chimps are just effin’ mean! There just don’t seem to be the same kind of reports about gorillas chewing off hands and ripping off faces.
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### Author:  [@EVIL\_COW\_PIE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EVIL_COW_PIE)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/186 "2010-07-13T18:14:43Z")
> [@Lobohan](#):
>
> So I’m gonna assume that Magiver isn’t going to admit he was wrong here?
I was kind of hoping I’d get a reply to my request but I’m guessing it’s not going to happen.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/187 "2010-07-13T18:19:01Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#):
>
> There’s something about this discussion about how to fight a chimp reminds me of Stymie in the “Our Gang” short “Shiver My Timbers” where he’s talking about how he could beat up a pirate, and he goes on talking, while making punching motions, saying, "I’d hit him like this, and I’d hit him like that, and I’d hit him like this, and. . . "
>
> I’d be curious about a fight between a chimp and a gorilla. Gotta give the size advantage to the gorilla, but chimps are just effin’ mean! There just don’t seem to be the same kind of reports about gorillas chewing off hands and ripping off faces.
Chimp vs. pirate. Taking all bets…
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### Author:  [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/188 "2010-07-13T18:27:27Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#):
>
> Chimp vs. pirate. Taking all bets…
I bet $300 on [this guy](http://img693.imageshack.us/img693/1834/animalphotomanipulation.png).
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### Author:  [@peledre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peledre)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/189 "2010-07-13T18:44:52Z")
> [@thirdname](#):
>
> You can really see how strong chimps are if you look at one that doesn’t have any hair. Here’s a Google image search on it: [hairless chimpanzee - Google Search](http://www.google.com/images?client=firefox&rls=en&q=hairless%20chimpanzee)
>
> Some good examples:
> [http://lh3.ggpht.com/\_vINstQpJYak/SmcWGxH8oYI/AAAAAAAAA50/\_umpd-Lv6wE/s800/ape%20died%201000.jpg](http://lh3.ggpht.com/_vINstQpJYak/SmcWGxH8oYI/AAAAAAAAA50/_umpd-Lv6wE/s800/ape%20died%201000.jpg)
> [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3202/3024567966\_4ffe563ebd.jpg](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3202/3024567966_4ffe563ebd.jpg)
> [http://zoopictures.zenfolio.com/img/v3/p140090038-3.jpg](http://zoopictures.zenfolio.com/img/v3/p140090038-3.jpg)
> [ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs](http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/2821/baldchimp5bk6.jpg)
>
> ([This](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6waX9ryUnv8/Seydm0ekwzI/AAAAAAAAAN8/UphcQTcMJwY/s320/Picture+9.png) is one of the skinnier ones, but it’s interesting because it looks so much like a human.)
>
> I wonder how a chimp would compare in strength to a world-class bodybuilder. Of course, in a fight the chimp as the advantage if its teeth.
Seeing those hairless Chimps reminds me of one logical explanation for the Roswell incident that I heard somewhere. It was a military balloon that was manned by two chimpanzee test subjects that had been shaved completely and were hairless, thus looking quite alien.
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### Author:  [@peledre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peledre)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/190 "2010-07-13T18:56:02Z")
> [@Magiver](#):
>
> Using the car analogy it’s the difference between hitting a car in the rear and driving it forward and hitting a car head on. 2 cars at 30 mph transmit all of the energy of a 60 mph car hitting a wall.
No they don’t. Didn’t you see that episode of Mythbusters?
https://www.youtube.com/embed/3GuqiAHGGT4?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
https://www.youtube.com/embed/c-JGIYLZZUg?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
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### Author:  [@notsoheavyd3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notsoheavyd3)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/191 "2010-07-13T19:29:51Z")
> [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#):
>
> Yeah, apparently a chimp can run at 25 mph. Definitely wasn’t trying very hard.
I hope that not another one of “those” facts. You know, like the one about how a croc or alligator can run like 30mph and out run a horse but it turns out isn’t actually true. (Well, unless it falls off a cliff or something.) Err, come to think of it actually I hope it’s one of those “facts”🙂
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### Author:  [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/192 "2010-07-13T20:42:48Z")
According to [this website](http://a-z-animals.com/animals/chimpanzee/) they have a top speed of 40km/h (25mph).
Also I’m noting that this question has been [asked](http://ask.metafilter.com/146862/Could-anyone-beat-a-chimp-in-a-fight)quite a [few](http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f75/do-you-think-you-could-take-chimpanzee-915211/) times[before](http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=114292611).
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### Author:  [@notsoheavyd3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notsoheavyd3)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/193 "2010-07-13T21:53:06Z")
> [@PlainJain](#):
>
> According to [this website](http://a-z-animals.com/animals/chimpanzee/) they have a top speed of 40km/h (25mph).
They also have the mythical 30mph alligator which is pretty much nonsense. (Pretty much if you see an alligator doing 30mph it’s in the back of a pickup.) Hmm, they also have crocs at 12mph. Again, no adult croc can run that fast.
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### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/194 "2010-07-14T12:17:31Z")
Okay, for some reason this topic extremely fascinates me, let’s say you have a top MMA fighter and a juvenile chimp (the type that are seen in movies and such, not a baby).
Would that be a ‘fair’ fight, or would that chimp still whomp the human?
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/195 "2010-07-14T16:12:28Z")
Let’s get this straight. No human has a chance against an enraged chimp. Chimps are incredibly strong, fast, and when enraged oblivious to pain. Even a trained athlete, boxer, MMA fighter, wrestler, would have no chance. If you review the cases of chimp attacks you will see that chimps are still active and dangerous after being stabbed, shot, and hit on the head with metal pipes.
In a a reputed incident that occurred at a carnival, Bruno Sammartino, one time pro wrestling champion was said to have beaten a chimp (possibly orang) in a staged fight. The animals were gloved, and trained to only hot their opponents. One account has the trainer stopping the fight when Bruno actually hit the poor animal, who hadn’t actually faced any real competition before. But in any case, the ape wasn’t enraged, and by all accounts, Bruno came out of the fight bruised and bloody. The Frank Buck account has to be taken with a grain of salt, Buck was a showman, and many of his stories were exagerrated.
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### Author:  [@peledre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peledre)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/196 "2010-07-14T16:14:20Z")
What if the chimp was simply ill-tempered?
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/197 "2010-07-14T16:36:08Z")
> [@peledre](#):
>
> What if the chimp was simply ill-tempered?
What if it had a Mormon upbringing, a mouthpiece, and the flu?
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/198 "2010-07-14T16:44:20Z")
How to Avoid a Chimp Attack:
> **[How to Videos, Articles & More - Discover the expert in you. | ehow.com](https://www.ehow.com)**
>
> Learn how to do just about everything at ehow. Find expert advice along with How To videos and articles, including instructions on how to make, cook, grow, or do almost anything.
If it had a Mormon upbringing, you’re in trouble. Be prepared for long, chimp-accented lecture on Which Religion is True.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/199 "2010-07-14T16:51:09Z")
Arguably even more useful article:
**So You Need to Disarm a Chimpanzee**.
> **[So You Need to Disarm A Chimpanzee](https://www.cracked.com/blog/so-you-need-to-disarm-a-chimpanzee)**
>
> Welcome to \\'So You Need to Disarm a Chimpanzee,\\' the 23rd entry in the popular \\'So You Need To\\' disaster survival guide book series. Thanks for stopping by.
The fact this appears on the _Cracked_ website doesn’t make me doubt its accuracy at all.
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### Author:  [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)
#### Post date: [July 14, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/200 "2010-07-14T22:51:50Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> Arguably even more useful article:
>
> **So You Need to Disarm a Chimpanzee**.
>
> [So You Need to Disarm A Chimpanzee | Cracked.com](http://www.cracked.com/blog/so-you-need-to-disarm-a-chimpanzee/)
>
> The fact this appears on the _Cracked_ website doesn’t make me doubt its accuracy at all.
That’s very funny.
Also, Magiver you gonna come back, buddy?
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