# Could you knock out an enraged chimp?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [July 7, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830 "2010-07-07T08:20:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 9
### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/161 "2010-07-12T19:06:04Z")
What’s the cardio like on a chimp? Couldn’t you try and keep out of reach until it at least tired or got bored of chasing you? How good is a chimp at sprinting for say, 50 yards.
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### Author:  [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/162 "2010-07-12T19:10:56Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> What’s the cardio like on a chimp? Couldn’t you try and keep out of reach until it at least tired or got bored of chasing you? How good is a chimp at sprinting for say, 50 yards.
If you have access to an obstacle course and happen to be a Navy Seal you could probably lose him:
[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k)
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/163 "2010-07-12T19:39:22Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Are you joking? His mouth would be DEFCON 1 distance from your balls.
Yeah, any technique that begins with “first, get the enraged chimp in full guard…” is one I’m going to take a pass on.
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### Author:  [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/164 "2010-07-12T19:43:54Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Are you joking? His mouth would be DEFCON 1 distance from your balls.
Sorry I meant omoplata, it was too early in the morning for me to post. 😛
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### Author:  [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/165 "2010-07-12T19:53:06Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#):
>
> One of the primary points of this thread is that size isn’t everything, when it comes to fights between different species. Also, I don’t think tigers and chimps overlap territories.
[Check this out.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4SqXl9Zj6k&feature=related)
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### Author:  [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/166 "2010-07-12T20:07:25Z")
> [@Magiver](#):
>
> …2 cars at 30 mph transmit all of the energy of a 60 mph car hitting a wall. I know how much damage a car does when it strikes a parked car at 60 mph.
> [@Magiver](#):
>
> You don’t understand the laws of physics.
I’m surprised that nobody has addressed this directly, but **Magiver** , you are the one who apparently does not understand physics.
Two cars with the same mass, each traveling at 30 mph and colliding head-on is equivalent to an identical car traveling at **30 mph** (not 60 mph, as you state) and hitting a brick wall (or other immovable object). This is also equivalent to a car traveling at 60 mph and hitting a parked car of equivalent mass.
A car hitting a brick wall at 60 mph is equivalent to two similar cars each traveling at 60 mph and colliding head-on.
–robby (former physics teacher)
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### Author:  [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/167 "2010-07-12T20:15:23Z")
> [@robby](#):
>
> I’m surprised that nobody has addressed this directly, but **Magiver** , you are the one who apparently does not understand physics.
>
> Two cars with the same mass, each traveling at 30 mph and colliding head-on is equivalent to an identical car traveling at **30 mph** (not 60 mph, as you state) and hitting a brick wall (or other immovable object). This is also equivalent to a car traveling at 60 mph and hitting a parked car of equivalent mass.
>
> A car hitting a brick wall at 60 mph is equivalent to two similar cars each traveling at 60 mph and colliding head-on.
>
> –robby (former physics teacher)
I think the trouble is this concept is very hard for some people to come to grips with.
The mythbusters did this very issue:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/3GuqiAHGGT4?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
https://www.youtube.com/embed/c-JGIYLZZUg?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/168 "2010-07-12T20:18:33Z")
> [@Lobohan](#):
>
> If you have access to an obstacle course and happen to be a Navy Seal you could probably lose him:
>
> [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k)
That was great!
The scary thing is, that chimp didn’t look as if it was trying very hard. I’d imagine a different outcome if the SEAL had a bunch of bananas in a see-through rucksack on his back.
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### Author:  [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/169 "2010-07-12T20:18:38Z")
> [@robby](#):
>
> I’m surprised that nobody has addressed this directly, but **Magiver** , you are the one who apparently does not understand physics.
>
> Two cars with the same mass, each traveling at 30 mph and colliding head-on is equivalent to an identical car traveling at **30 mph** (not 60 mph, as you state) and hitting a brick wall (or other immovable object). This is also equivalent to a car traveling at 60 mph and hitting a parked car of equivalent mass.
>
> A car hitting a brick wall at 60 mph is equivalent to two similar cars each traveling at 60 mph and colliding head-on.
>
> –robby (former physics teacher)
I started to earlier having seen the Mythbusters episode linked to above but really I don’t think anything will change his mind.
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### Author:  [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/170 "2010-07-12T20:26:24Z")
[Chimp attacking man.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtucwBlNr3A&feature=related)
In the video the man is clearly not attacking the chimp but it looks like a few well placed kicks wouldn’t have hurt. It also looks like the water defense might work well if its available. Based on this video, I’m coming around to thinking you might have a shot at a KO - albeit a long shot.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/171 "2010-07-12T20:40:51Z")
> [@PlainJain](#):
>
> [Chimp attacking man.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtucwBlNr3A&feature=related)
>
> In the video the man is clearly not attacking the chimp but it looks like a few well placed kicks wouldn’t have hurt. It also looks like the water defense might work well if its available. Based on this video, I’m coming around to thinking you might have a shot at a KO - albeit a long shot.
A few parts of that video seem to support a point I brought up in post #156: the man here is obviously not very strong, but a few times when the chimp yanks at his arm, he yanks back and lifts the chimp off the ground, killing its power and leverage. This leads me to think that a big, muscular, trained fighter would have a good chance against a chimp, and probably run all over it if it was wearing **Meatros** ’s mouthguard.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/172 "2010-07-12T20:46:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> A few parts of that video seem to support a point I brought up in post #156: the man here is obviously not very strong, but a few times when the chimp yanks at his arm, he yanks back and lifts the chimp off the ground, killing its power and leverage.
The chimp doesn’t need “power and leverage”. The way apes fight (at least according to Frank buck, and a lot in this thread seems to corroborate it) is to pull in close and bite. Holding it off the ground won’t keep it from doing that.
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### Author:  [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/173 "2010-07-12T20:51:21Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> That was great!
>
> The scary thing is, that chimp didn’t look as if it was trying very hard. I’d imagine a different outcome if the SEAL had a bunch of bananas in a see-through rucksack on his back.
Yeah, apparently a chimp can run at 25 mph. Definitely wasn’t trying very hard.
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### Author:  [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/174 "2010-07-12T21:17:32Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> A few parts of that video seem to support a point I brought up in post #156: the man here is obviously not very strong, but a few times when the chimp yanks at his arm, he yanks back and lifts the chimp off the ground, killing its power and leverage. This leads me to think that a big, muscular, trained fighter would have a good chance against a chimp, and probably run all over it if it was wearing **Meatros** ’s mouthguard.
I can’t see the video from here, but, it seems to me that chimps are probably pretty comfortable hanging. They spend a lot of time in trees and on anything they can climb. I doubt they’d be disoriented by leaving the ground the way a human is. A chimp would probably just pull on the arm that lifted him, and climb right up to the neck in nanoseconds.
Maybe if you went in low and grabbed a foot you could swing him in a circle and bang his head on something hard, but I still bet he’d just bend the leg, curl up, and be fighting you immediately.
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### Author:  [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/175 "2010-07-12T21:33:29Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> A few parts of that video seem to support a point I brought up in post #156: the man here is obviously not very strong, but a few times when the chimp yanks at his arm, he yanks back and lifts the chimp off the ground, killing its power and leverage. This leads me to think that a big, muscular, trained fighter would have a good chance against a chimp, and probably run all over it if it was wearing **Meatros** ’s mouthguard.
In that particular video, it seems like a strong, trained fighter might have had a chance with either kicking the solar plexus or the head for a KO. Again a long shot but a chance none the less.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/176 "2010-07-12T21:34:34Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> The chimp doesn’t need “power and leverage”. The way apes fight (at least according to Frank buck, and a lot in this thread seems to corroborate it) is to pull in close and bite. Holding it off the ground won’t keep it from doing that.
> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> I can’t see the video from here, but, it seems to me that chimps are probably pretty comfortable hanging. They spend a lot of time in trees and on anything they can climb. I doubt they’d be disoriented by leaving the ground the way a human is. A chimp would probably just pull on the arm that lifted him, and climb right up to the neck in nanoseconds.
>
> Maybe if you went in low and grabbed a foot you could swing him in a circle and bang his head on something hard, but I still bet he’d just bend the leg, curl up, and be fighting you immediately.
I was suggesting more throw it, punt it, shove it; overwhelm it with superior mass, if not strength. Obviously its teeth would be a pretty big equalizer here, if it could get them in contact with you. What was interesting to me, though, was that the chimp wasn’t completely dominating this guy, and not only was he not even attempting to fight back, he was also pretty much the picture of the proverbial 98lb weakling.
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### Author:  [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/177 "2010-07-12T22:36:11Z")
Here’s a great story of a guy (who went on to become a professional golfer) boxing an orangutan.
> [@Boo Weekley](#):
>
> One Friday night when I was 16, a bunch of us went to the county fair. A truck pulled in there, sort of away from the midway, and we watched a guy get out and put together a big cage he had in the bed of the truck. After he got the cage together, he put up a little table. Then he went to the cab of the truck and brings out an orangutan. He starts yelling: “Five to win fifty! Who can beat the orangutan? Pay $5 to try and get $50 if you can whip him!”
>
> We’d never seen anything like that before. We decided that one of us had to try, and I drew the short straw. Five of us put up a buck each, and I gave the guy with the truck $5. Before helping me into the boxing gloves and headgear, he made me sign a waiver. Looking back, that was a bad sign.
>
> I got in the ring. The orangutan didn’t look like much. He came up about to my chest, though his arms were as long as he was tall. When the match started, he didn’t lift his arms. He kept them down at his side and used them to pivot and follow me as I circled him like Muhammad Ali. I just didn’t see how I could miss. My strategy was to fake with my right hand, and when the orangutan tried to block the punch, I’d throw my left.
>
> My buddies were going wild. “Get him, Boo! Kick his butt!” They really wanted that $50. I moved in close and faked with my right, and that’s the last thing I remember. I woke up bleeding in the back of a friend’s pickup. The orangutan had knocked me cold with one punch, which I didn’t even see coming. My friends thought it was hilarious. They said I had a glass jaw and called me “Glassy” the rest of the night.
>
> After I came to, we watched this orangutan knock out guy after guy. Not one guy could lay a glove on him. He had reflexes like a cat, and later I learned that an orangutan can tear a guy’s arm off.
>
> I’ve always half-denied this story – even though I was a kid and it happened almost 20 years ago, I can see the animal-rights people protesting. I don’t think orangutan fighting goes on anymore, which is a good thing. It probably wasn’t fair for the orangutan, and it sure as heck wasn’t good for me. The only winner was the guy driving the truck.
[Link.](http://www.golfdigest.com/magazine/2007-12/myshot_gd0712)
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### Author:  [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/178 "2010-07-12T23:51:10Z")
Ok… Let’s just say ole’ chimp had an anti-bite mask on… How would this go now?
I suspect you’d still get your ass handed to you, or your scrotum, but this surely removes what seems to be their biggest advantage.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/179 "2010-07-12T23:55:00Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#):
>
> Ok.. Let’s just say ole’ chimp had an anti-bite mask on… How would this go now?
>
> I suspect you’d still get your ass handed to you, or your scrotum, but this surely removes what seems to be their biggest advantage.
This has already been brought up. Start at post #143 and read on from there.
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### Author:  [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)
#### Post date: [July 13, 2010, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-knock-out-an-enraged-chimp/545830/180 "2010-07-13T00:07:02Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> This has already been brought up. Start at post #143 and read on from there.
Hey look! A spider!
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