# Could you love or be friends with someone with no apparent sense of humor? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 20, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967 "2011-09-20T17:43:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/21 "2011-09-21T05:43:16Z")
No, I don’t think I could. They’d have to at least have a receptive sense of humor, even if they didn’t make jokes themselves. It’s not just for my sake, either: people either find my sense of humor entertaining, or I irritate the hell out of them. Fortunately I find it’s about 70/30, so the humor impaired are far out numbered by people of both sexes who can take a joke. I’ve had three friends who didn’t have great senses of humor, all three are also women, but none at all? That guy or gal wouldn’t enjoy spending much time around me, especially if they interpret dry remarks as sincerity. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/22 "2011-09-21T05:59:34Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > No way. Any woman who would go out with me has to be able to take a joke. Ditto for any woman who has sex with me. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/23 "2011-09-21T07:52:44Z")
One of the coworkers in my current group has zero sense of humor as far as we can tell. Part of the problem is that she refuses to accept polysemy and synonymy, which are basic for word-game based humor; she doesn’t like visual jokes either, or eschatological humor. When she joins the rest of us for lunch (rarely, thanks Athena), the conversation can not include any jokes, references to comic art, anybody pointing out a walking monument to those who are interested in the monument’s gender, exaggerations… I’ve seen her berate someone who was wearing an “I’m a Marxist-Grouchist” tee - someone who works in our building but not even for our company! Someone with that personality could be a 25 for looks in a 1-10 scale and I’d still want to run away. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/24 "2011-09-21T08:01:50Z")
I’d say there’s also a difference between “no sense of humor” and “humorless”—take Data from Star Trek\*. He _literally_ has no sense of humor, or at least only a purely intellectual understanding of it, but he’s hardly dour, mechanical, or even not _nice_ because of it. \*…please! (rimshot) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/25 "2011-09-21T08:38:09Z")
It’s possible, but it would be more of a paternal relationship. And note that this requires me to actually believe they are lacking a sense of humor, not choosing not to show it. I would basically being taking care of someone with a disability. Also, I assume you also meant that the person didn’t find things funny or laugh at all. Because just not telling jokes or making humorous statements describes I’d say a good half the people of the world. Some people are humor producers, and other are humor consumers. ---
**Author:** ![Borzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@Borzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borzo)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/26 "2011-09-21T11:10:02Z")
Interesting question. Personally I wouldn’t mind. I could have a friendship, close friendship, or romantic relationship with someone who is “humourless”. While I enjoy being with people who have a sense of humour, it’s more of a “bonus” rather than a requirement. That said, a humourless person would have to be capable of happiness and joy. I could never form a relationship of any kind with someone is cannot smile and is constantly “mellow” or depressed. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/27 "2011-09-21T11:26:14Z")
I always feel guilty when somebody takes something that I say as a joke seriously, so no. They’d be welcome to hang out, but as I spend most social time watching comedy with friends or joking around, I doubt they’d enjoy it much. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/28 "2011-09-21T13:04:59Z")
Romantic relationship, no. Friendship, yes – I have one friend who fits that description pretty much exactly, or at least did when we became friends, although he’s loosened up a bit over the years (probably partially due to being exposed to my other highly humorous and sarcastic friends). I remember being SO proud of him the first time he said something very slightly humorous. To be sure, he pursued the friendship more than I did (left to my own devices, I probably wouldn’t have thought to pursue a friendship with him), and I wouldn’t call him one of my closest friends, but I would say we are close, and I do value his friendship very much for his other great qualities (intelligence, integrity, loyalty, niceness, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/29 "2011-09-21T14:01:55Z")
**Could you love or be friends with someone with no apparent sense of humor?** I consider **Skald** a friend, so sure. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Borzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@Borzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borzo)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/30 "2011-09-21T14:08:20Z")
Can some people please elaborate on why they wouldn’t be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had no sense of humour? Is a sense of humour required for sexual attraction? Or is a sense of humour required for long-term cohabitation (ie spending lots of time together)? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/31 "2011-09-21T14:08:26Z")
My first wife. I wouldn’t say she had no sense of humor, but she did not relate to what most people find funny. She was a Quebecer, and English was not her first language, so I think that had a lot to do with it. If we went out to a movie, it was never a comedy, because she didn’t get the humorous dialog. But she could appreciate a funny situation, if something happened to someone else that would make you laugh, she would get it. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/32 "2011-09-21T14:09:45Z")
No. And the OP doesn’t compute for me. I consider “sense of humor” to be one of the hallmarks of intelligence. So, if the hypothetical in question is established as intelligent, then logically, that same person also has some semblance of a sense of humor. We might not agree on what we think is funny (and I can be friends with that kind of person, but not intimate), but at least they laugh at funny things or tell jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/33 "2011-09-21T14:23:05Z")
> [@Borzo](#): > > Can some people please elaborate on why they wouldn’t be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had no sense of humour? > > Is a sense of humour required for sexual attraction? > > Or is a sense of humour required for long-term cohabitation (ie spending lots of time together)? Do you mean in general or for specific people? Because the general answer is either or both. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/34 "2011-09-21T14:29:07Z")
> [@Borzo](#): > > Can some people please elaborate on why they wouldn’t be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had no sense of humour? > > Is a sense of humour required for sexual attraction? > > Or is a sense of humour required for long-term cohabitation (ie spending lots of time together)? Sex is ridiculous, at the core. Life is ridiculous - and damn hard at times. If you can’t laugh at it then life becomes a very long, dreary path. And laughter is a natural endorphin and a natural high. I never feel better than when I am laughing, either a chuckle or laughing uproariously. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/35 "2011-09-21T14:31:39Z")
My dad fits this description. I love him, but really only because he’s my dad, and he has some other good qualities. I’d never in a million years date someone like him, and I’m very picky about friends so that’s out, too. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/36 "2011-09-21T14:35:07Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > No. > > And the OP doesn’t compute for me. I consider “sense of humor” to be one of the hallmarks of intelligence. So, if the hypothetical in question is established as intelligent, then logically, that same person also has some semblance of a sense of humor. We might not agree on what we think is funny (and I can be friends with that kind of person, but not intimate), but at least they laugh at funny things or tell jokes. I wrote “apparent” sense of humor. It may well be that the person isn’t showing his or her reaction to funny thinsg. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/37 "2011-09-21T14:45:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I wrote “apparent” sense of humor. It may well be that the person isn’t showing his or her reaction to funny thinsg. Meh. Too uptight for me then. I don’t relate to people who are so buttoned down that they can’t let loose with a hearty belly laugh or show a reaction to something they find funny. That sounds to me like someone who is so repressed, I would wonder what _else_ they are hiding, like murderous rage, for example. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/38 "2011-09-21T16:32:28Z")
> [@Borzo](#): > > Can some people please elaborate on why they wouldn’t be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had no sense of humour? My husband is my very closest friend and the person I share everything with. If we couldn’t share jokes and laughter, well, that would be a huge chunk of my life I couldn’t share with him. What’s more, it’s a huge chunk that’s spread across all the other things I do and experience – it is okay, for example, that I am very involved with music and he’s not, but that’s a piece of my life that I can pretty much disassociate from the other parts. Humor I can’t disassociate. It makes me kind of shudder just to think about, actually – I think mr. hunter and I are laughing about things or making silly jokes together possibly at least half the time we’re together. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/39 "2011-09-21T16:42:16Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > **Could you love or be friends with someone with no apparent sense of humor?** > > I consider **Skald** a friend, so sure. > > 😛 You’re just trying to provoke a Monica-Bellucci-model slapbot attack. But in fact my work persona often seems humorless, so your remark isn’t completely off-base. But Work!Skald isn’t the real me any more than Evil!Skald is. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967/40 "2011-09-21T17:47:23Z")
I seriously doubt that I could be anything beyond an aquaintance to someone with no sense of humor. I definitely couldn’t be romantic with someone like that. For all of the other wonderful things about the Fella, I probably wouldn’t have given him a second glance had he not been able to laugh, let alone fallen for him. People I’ve known who didn’t have an apparent sense of humor always left me wondering when they were going to come unglued and shoot up the place. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-love-or-be-friends-with-someone-with-no-apparent-sense-of-humor/596967.md?page=3)