# Could you participate in a sexual relationship with a morbidly obese person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190 "2014-11-09T23:06:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/81 "2014-11-11T18:03:20Z")
I voted ‘‘yes.’’ Weight is pretty much irrelevant to me. Since my attraction to individuals is almost entirely based on personality, the outside package will start to look good to me no matter what. In the same vein, what looks good to me at first glance can turn ugly in my eyes as soon as he opens his mouth. The first guy I really liked in high school could probably have been categorized as obese. God, he was funny though. And really sweet. Lifestyle is something different. It would be a PITA if I wanted to go do active things and my partner wasn’t into it. But there are plenty of lazy-ass thin people in the world so I don’t think it’s right to automatically assume a fat person would not be physically active. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/82 "2014-11-11T18:05:59Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > A poll about a relationship where the woman is significantly taller than the man would get similar results and people obviously have less control over their height than their weight. It’s just the way it is and there’s no point being butthurt about it. Maybe it’s easy for me to say as a lanky six foot tall dude but I don’t take it personally if a woman I like wants a 6’2" minimum buffed out guy. We can still be friends. I think the problem is that there has to be a poll about it at all. I think we’ve had a poll about dating people of different heights and while the answer boils down to the same as this poll - people like what they like - people will end up feeling bad whether the poll results show “no, nobody likes you” and/or comments in the thread disparage everyone who looks like you just because you look like you do. It’s like these polls are just set up to see who’s going to win - fatties or people who won’t fuck fatties? Are freaky tall women fuckable? Who can stand short guys, amirite? What’s the point? The OP is obsessed with other people’s bodies. He usually posts threads about women’s breasts and brings up the fact that he has(had?) a cache of boobie pics as one of his hobbies. The post I’d really like to see is a picture of the OP’s daughter so we can discuss her body like he’s so fond of doing for others online. Or maybe the OP himself. Hot or not? Anyway, polls like this are really childish and bring down the tone of the board and make it feel like a hostile place. Grown ups know that people like what they like. Why do we need to put it in poll form to visually describe just how many people don’t like [people like] me? Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/83 "2014-11-11T18:55:36Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > It seems like the ultimate form of denial/self-hatred. The more I think about this bit, the less I understand it. Given that I am fat and do not like dating similarly fat guys, could you please explain how that is evidence of: a. Denial b. Self-hatred Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/84 "2014-11-11T19:00:21Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > One nasty undercurrent of all this is that there are lots of skinnier guys attracted to fat women but don’t respect themselves or women enough to be seen in public with them lest they attract the ridicule of their peers. I don’t expect less from teens/young adults, but is it common also with older men? In their 30s, 40s, etc…? ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/85 "2014-11-11T19:14:34Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I don’t expect less from teens/young adults, but is it common also with older men? In their 30s, 40s, etc…? Yep. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/86 "2014-11-11T19:37:27Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > And I’m not sure how to enter her. I thought you were, like, a senior citizen or something. How is it that you haven’t figured out the basics of sexual intercourse yet? Are you a virgin? ---
**Author:** ![DeweyDecibel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DeweyDecibel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeweyDecibel)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/87 "2014-11-11T19:46:49Z")
I’ve never been attracted to a significantly overweight person, so I’m going to say no. Is it possible that I’d meet someone in this category and find them attractive? Yes, and in that case I’d have no problem with it. But people are attracted to who they are attracted to, and obese is a turn off for me. That’s kind of the way sex/dating/romance works. Personality is important, but so is physical chemistry and if you’re not attracted to a certain person…a relationship is out. Friendship, sure. Sex? Not without attraction, and in my case, obesity is not something I seem to find attractive. I’m in the healthy weight range and tend to find others in a similar range attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/88 "2014-11-11T20:42:34Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > So it’s not just me. I’m always thinking that men do more to keep each other from getting laid than women ever do. To the OP, to qoute Andre3K "no discriminating in this squirrel… Big Boi And no. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/89 "2014-11-11T20:46:18Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > The more I think about this bit, the less I understand it. > > Given that I am fat and do not like dating similarly fat guys, could you please explain how that is evidence of: > > a. Denial > > b. Self-hatred > > Thank you. It seems pretty silly, so I’m just playing devil’s advocate, ok? What if you had a minimum wage job, and wouldn’t even consider dating a man who earned less than 6 figures? Or what if you had a high school diploma, but scoffed at invitations for dinner from men with merely a bachelors? Only masters and above is good enough for you. “Self-hatred” seems to be going entirely too far. On the other hand, in all three scenarios perhaps you could you at least conclude you dislike that aspect of yourself, be it your weight, low earning potential, or lack of education? That seems reasonably tenable to me. Personally I wouldn’t immediately think, “oh she’s probably perfectly fine with being overweight/poor/uneducated and just has a preference for the opposite in men”. In contrast, I’ve never dated a blonde, and I’m pretty sure nobody would assume it means I hate being blond myself, rather than a preference for brunettes and redheads. The denial part doesn’t make any sense at all to me. On the contrary it seems awfully self-aware to say to yourself, “I don’t like the fact that I’m morbidly obese and I’m not going to date men who are - because I wouldn’t like that trait in them either.” ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/90 "2014-11-11T21:22:37Z")
Currently in one! I masturbate! _sobs into tub of ice cream_ ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/91 "2014-11-11T21:39:01Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > There is a world of difference between obese and morbidly obese. There is another aspect. Among obese people, you will see some whose fat blobs just jiggle all over. Call me shallow, but this is just a sexual turn-off. The other kind, seem more solid and I could live with that up to a point. A woman of average height weighing well over 300 lb just could not attract me. And I’m not sure how to enter her. I think you’re not understanding the term morbidly obese. It’s a medical term that just means a certain degree over the ideal BMI. It’s not a description of overall health or appearance. The OP even clarified by specifying 70 lbs over weight. So a woman of average height is hitting the definition of morbidly obese somewhere around 200 lbs plus or minus. If you’re thinking of a woman “well over 300 lb,” then you’re not talking about the same thing the OP asks. In fact, you’re thinking of three times as much fat. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/92 "2014-11-11T21:40:51Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Currently in one! > > I masturbate! > > _sobs into tub of ice cream_ Thread winner. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/93 "2014-11-11T22:32:55Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > How to tell is something is offensive: > > Replace “morbidly obese” with black/Jewish/Asian. That’s absurd. Nobody could talk about anything related to sex under your standard. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/94 "2014-11-11T22:45:20Z")
I’m morbidly obese, and I’ve never had problems getting sex, be they fat, skinny, whatever. I used to not date fat people. It definitely was self-hatred and disgust. Now that I’ve gotten over that and am comfortable in my own body, I’m comfortable with everyone else’s, too. Confidence sells, right? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/95 "2014-11-11T22:53:56Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You are ridiculing others and ascribing negative motives to their choices, which suggests that you aren’t as okay with your fat fiance as you claim to be. If it were just a matter of you finding this particular man attractive and/or finding fat men attractive in general, you would have no need to make value judgments about other people’s preferences. You clearly like your fiance just fine, but I suspect there’s a part of you that thinks that you had to “settle” for a fat guy because you’re fat yourself. I’m not defending the position that a fat person attracted to only skinny people is a form of self-denial. But, consider what \*\*Reply \*\* posted: [QUOTE=Reply] I’m cyclically obese myself, and because of that I am never sexually attracted to obese people (or even the moderately overweight). I see them too much as lazy, disgusting pigs – mirrors of my own uncomfortable reality. [/QUOTE] This suggests that some people have exactly that problem. Personally I think it’s possible to not be attracted to fat people without being a judgmental asshole. The issue is, there are plenty of judgmental assholes who fall into that category. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/96 "2014-11-11T23:13:54Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > I’m morbidly obese, and I’ve never had problems getting sex, be they fat, skinny, whatever. Hate to be that guy but, do you only date black dudes? ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2014, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/97 "2014-11-11T23:21:20Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Hate to be that guy but, do you only date black dudes? Heh, no, I’m a lesbian. I get all the white women. (Not that I wouldn’t date black or Asian or whoever, I just haven’t…) And their crazy, crazy issues. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/98 "2014-11-12T05:22:06Z")
You mean like Haley Joel Osment fat? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/99 "2014-11-12T20:57:37Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > The more I think about this bit, the less I understand it. > > Given that I am fat and do not like dating similarly fat guys, could you please explain how that is evidence of: > > a. Denial > > b. Self-hatred > > Thank you. Huh, I guess I should have used more weasel words. I’ll do so now. Examining the vast(heh) number of fat people I’ve known, I can conclude that most of the fat people I’ve known are willing/happy to date other fat people. The few fat people I’ve known who refused to date other fat people have tended to be full of self-loathing about their size, and/or in denial about how being fat has affected their dating prospects.\* Fetishists aside, obesity reduces one’s value on the sexual marketplace. It’s no different in this regard than age, number of children, marital status, amount of hair, breast size, presence of physical/mental disability, etc. This isn’t mere stereotyping, this is how the world works. \*\*Even if \*\*you could prove that the specific terms \*denial \*and \*self-loathing \*did not apply to your reasons for dating skinny dudes, it’s still as hypocritical as a poor person refusing to date anyone who isn’t rich. Or an old person refusing to date someone who isn’t young. Fat is not more or less special than any of the many other features that reduce a person’s “dateability.” I mean, am I smoking crazy pills here? Do most of us not stifle snickers at rich, old, bald dudes cruising for jailbait in Corvettes? Would you not have a nice internal chuckle at Rosie O’Donnell refusing to date anyone but clones of Brad Pitt circa 1995? You can date who you want. You should! I never intended to convince you that you should do anything else. But regardless of **your** intentions, from one fat girl to another: you’ve \*gotta \*realize how it looks. \*I don’t know _you_, but simple extrapolation leads rational people to rational conclusions. If I’m wrong, feel free to disagree. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190/100 "2014-11-12T21:10:44Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Huh, I guess I should have used more weasel words. I’ll do so now. Examining the vast(heh) number of fat people I’ve known, I can conclude that most of the fat people I’ve known are willing/happy to date other fat people. The few fat people I’ve known who refused to date other fat people have tended to be full of self-loathing about their size, and/or in denial about how being fat has affected their dating prospects.\* > > Fetishists aside, obesity reduces one’s value on the sexual marketplace. It’s no different in this regard than age, number of children, marital status, amount of hair, breast size, presence of physical/mental disability, etc. This isn’t mere stereotyping, this is how the world works. \*\*Even if \*\*you could prove that the specific terms \*denial \*and \*self-loathing \*did not apply to your reasons for dating skinny dudes, it’s still as hypocritical as a poor person refusing to date anyone who isn’t rich. Or an old person refusing to date someone who isn’t young. Fat is not more or less special than any of the many other features that reduce a person’s “dateability.” > > I mean, am I smoking crazy pills here? Do most of us not stifle snickers at rich, old, bald dudes cruising for jailbait in Corvettes? Would you not have a nice internal chuckle at Rosie O’Donnell refusing to date anyone but clones of Brad Pitt circa 1995? > > You can date who you want. You should! I never intended to convince you that you should do anything else. But regardless of **your** intentions, from one fat girl to another: you’ve \*gotta \*realize how it looks. > > \*I don’t know _you_, but simple extrapolation leads rational people to rational conclusions. If I’m wrong, feel free to disagree. I don’t know about crazy pills, but I certainly disagree with you. We are often attracted to things that we are not. For starters, most men are attracted to women (and vice versa) and there’s not a bit of self-loathing implied there. I can have blonde hair and prefer redheads. It seems like most couples have one person who wants to save money and one who wants to spend it. And one person who organizes things and another who makes sure they get disorganized again. You mention money: what’s hypocritical about a low-income person wanting to marry a high-income one? If your goal in life is to be a home-maker, that’s only going to happen if you have a spouse to support you, right? And if someone wants to marry a homemaker, then they’ve both hit the non-loathing jackpot. I do not see why weight should be any different. The only case I’d see self-loathing involved is if someone says “I should be respected for my beauty despite being fat, but I could never date a fat person. They’re gross and lazy.” You’re right that a fat person should be honest and realistic about how their weight affects their options, but that doesn’t have to change their preference in a sexual partner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-participate-in-a-sexual-relationship-with-a-morbidly-obese-person/704190.md?page=6)