# Could you pit your SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 5, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421 "2008-02-05T19:42:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/21 "2008-02-06T00:00:07Z")
I could never pit my SO, he’s way too much of a sweetie. Despite my tendency to talk too much and get illogically angry sometimes, I don’t think he’d ever pit me either – he’s way too much of a sweetie. As to Miss “There’s no such thing as luck,” I think I’d be more concerned about her willingness to share such beliefs as if she expects you to believe too than I would be about the beliefs themselves. There are one or two sort of loony concepts I am willing to entertain in the privacy of my own mind, but I would _never_ foist them off on anyone else, certainly not when given the smallest of openings as she was given. On those rare occasions when I mention any unusual beliefs I have, I make sure to acknowledge first that I’m going to say something oddball and I realize my interlocutor probably won’t agree, nor do I expect them to. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/22 "2008-02-06T00:44:15Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] Are you me?? What I do, when the first alarm goes off, I get up and plop down in front of TV and just try to lay there and do my best to stay half asleep. When she finally gets out of bed I go back to the bed and fall back asleep. [/QUOTE] Brilliant! Tomorrow morning, when the alarm goes off, I’m going to turn on the TV (in the bedroom) at an appreciative volume, and see what happens! I love it! (And I’m am upset I never thought of it!) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/23 "2008-02-06T01:47:50Z")
Nah. My SO and I don’t share all of our beliefs, but I don’t see that as Pit-able. And our relationship has little to no contempt in it, so that doesn’t help with pitting, either. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/24 "2008-02-06T02:18:54Z")
I can’t, because he lives in the Pit. He is in perpetual rant mode. When he thinks I’ll hear him, he rants in a whisper. When he’s mowing the lawn, he rants at a shout, so he can hear himself. Most of the time, I don’t even know what he’s ranting about. I’m worn out with it. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/25 "2008-02-06T02:23:32Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] I can’t pit him here, no, since he’s a member. Also, I tend to tell him what’s making me mad, rather than the internet. We’re good like that. [/QUOTE] Me too. I also can’t pit his family - which is the more likely scenario, nor can he pit mine (also likely) because we both would be likely to get defensive. On the beliefs thing - there are some sorts of irrationality people can be rational about - or at least be private about - and therefore, if you can be rational and private and respectful, it can work. But you both need to be respectful - which may mean being private. If you can’t do that, time to cut loose. No pitting required. That’s not respectful. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/26 "2008-02-06T02:41:21Z")
I need to clarify - I can’t pit him here because he is a member. Not because I wouldn’t want him to read it, but simply because there’s a rule about bringing offline stuff between members on to the boards. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/27 "2008-02-06T02:42:52Z")
Right now I could Pit him about what’s going on in his career - after years of being a salaried administrative social worker, he’s now working as a fee-for-service therapist. He’s got weird hours and only gets paid when patients come in. I hate when he doesn’t get them on a good, weekly rotation and it makes me very anxious in terms of money when things are slow. Also, I don’t like it when he works nights and Saturdays. But, on the other hand, I am quite certain he doesn’t like me grilling him every day about his numbers so perhaps we’re even. I also hate that he’s in a bar band. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/28 "2008-02-06T03:55:14Z")
Like **GingeroftheNorth** and **MsRobyn** , my SO is also a member, so I wouldn’t Pit him here. Besides, he doesn’t do anything really Pit-worthy, other than always beating the crap out of me at Scrabble. (He hoardes the 'U’s!) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/29 "2008-02-06T04:03:26Z")
I could pit anybody, but then, I’m an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/30 "2008-02-06T04:24:41Z")
I wouldn’t Pit him here because I wouldn’t be comfortable ranting about something to people who don’t know him, and in a venue where he doesn’t participate so there would be no “his side of the story.” He doesn’t really do much that’s Pit-worthy, anyway. I know I have shared some stories about things that he’s done that annoyed me, but I’ve tried hard to think about them before I do – if it’s annoying, but a light-hearted story with some potential humor, that’s generally okay. I know I’ve shared the story of the time he was sick with a cold and was the most annoying sick person ever, the finale being that he insisted on watching _Ernest Goes to Camp_ at full volume because “his head was so congested he couldn’t hear.” I would feel comfortable telling that story to just about any group of people, and would tell it the same way whether he was present or not – actually, I think he’s heard me tell it to strangers on the street. I mean really, _Ernest Goes to Camp_? In terms of beliefs … we each have some views where we don’t agree, but it’s pretty clear that neither of us is going to change the other’s mind. I would never want to have a situation where I felt like I had to keep silent about not agreeing for the sake of keeping the peace. Also, I want to be able to say “I don’t agree with that” or “that’s not how I see it” without him going all Master Debater on me, either. It’s not an invitation to debate or argue. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/31 "2008-02-06T16:17:39Z")
Yeah, I could pit my husband. And yes, he believes some things that make me absolutely NUTS. Just because I love him doesn’t mean he doesn’t alternately piss me off and make me wonder what he’s smoking. ---
**Author:** ![LadyMack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LadyMack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMack)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/32 "2008-02-06T16:54:30Z")
I could, but he’s a member here too. And I just wouldn’t, not online. We may kid back and forth on boards, but that’s about it. He hears from me IRL if there’s a problem. Actually, he’s a much better person, and easier to get along with than I am. Other people in my life? Depends upon what aggravates me. I usually just tell them how I feel, or that I am not willing to discuss or fight about whatever, period. Learned long ago not to get into it about religion, politics, or money matters. Not going to change their mind, and they won’t change mine. ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/33 "2008-02-06T17:05:51Z")
[QUOTE=Leaffan] Although I certainly thought of pitting her this morning when her alarm went off at: 5:00 5:09 5:18 5:27 5:36 5:45 and finally 5:54. [/QUOTE] I’ll jump on this bandwagon as well. I can’t stand this, since I usually wake up 5 minutes BEFORE it starts to go off, and I’m the one who has to keep hitting snooze for her. If I switch the alarm off and just wake her up at the appropriate time she gets pissed (no snooze), so usually I just get up, move the alarm onto my pillow(right next to her head), and go downstairs. From the couch, I hear BEEP-THUNK at 9 minute intervals until she decides to wake up. ---
**Author:** ![fuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuffle)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/34 "2008-02-06T17:20:46Z")
I could pit my SO for some things, but we definitely sync up as far as basic life views. I’m not sure I personally could make a life with someone with whom I had a fundamental and unbreachable disagreement about, say, religion or politics. But man, when he gets tired, or sick, or frustrated, or scared, he turns nasty in a second. Drives me up the wall, because as I’m usually the closest target, I get the full brunt of it. I’ve taken to just refusing to participate in the conversation until his rage blows over, because there’s no talking to him when he’s like that. And when he fights, he’s willing to get down and dirty, calling awful names and being really horrible, which is something I always try to avoid doing (unless I’ve completely lost my mind). Usually I just use stonewalling tactics there, too, like saying calmly but firmly, “Do not call me that. Stop yelling at me right now. I’m not going to argue with you about this.” It helps because if there’s no one to fight with, it stops “rewarding” him. So I guess you could call all that something that offends my sensibilities, because I don’t think people who love each other should act like that, but he doesn’t see it as being particularly offensive behavior. But if you asked him, I’m sure he could pit me based on my “coldness” or “refusal to work out issues.” So it’s probably a matter of perspective more than anything. And I don’t know how easy your own head is to work around. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/35 "2008-02-06T17:32:26Z")
[QUOTE=LadyMack] I could, but he’s a member here too. And I just wouldn’t, not online. We may kid back and forth on boards, but that’s about it. He hears from me IRL if there’s a problem. Actually, he’s a much better person, and easier to get along with than I am. [/QUOTE] Well, mine is not, and it’s nice to have an anonymous place to vent. I think there might be 20 people on this board who have met him IRL. And I’m a big fan of you \*\*and \*\* your husband, regardless of who’s the better person or easier to get along with. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/36 "2008-02-06T17:35:43Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] My wife is half Italian and she fights like it. She can be brutal not just to me but her father and some of her female employees. She also fights dirty. If you question her about anything that she may have done wrong, she throws it right back in your face and starts a counter fight about something that you did once. It usually doesn’t have any relevance to the matter at hand and it could have been months or years before. Last summer, our lawn tractor was broken and I had trouble getting it to a John Deere dealership. I still mowed the lawn with our push mower but, during that time, I could absolutely not question her on anything or she would launch into a diatribe about my failings with the lawn tractor. She also fights in monologue. Some of her abusive monologues last 5 minutes or more and she won’t let you interrupt. They involve screaming, contorted faces, a waving of arms Italian style. I had a serious talk with her about the maturity of all this behavior a couple of months ago and it has gotten a little better but I think it is built in to her personality. Being her also means never having to say you’re sorry. She apologized to me a number of years ago for something minor but nothing since then. She told me that she would apologize if she ever did something that warranted it. If have learned just not to make her mad or just ignore her when she does. I love her and we have been together 16 years but that gets to be a little much. No, we aren’t going to counselling. We tried a session about this once and she spent most of the session in unproductive monologue. She is petite and sweet most of the time though. [/QUOTE] THis reminds me of my SO, I have no patience for it anymore and i call him on it as often as I have to. I ask him if he wants to have a conversation otherwise I am not sticking around for his verbal tirades. I also ask him what does A have to do with B? If he labels, name calls, or otherwise acts nasty I give him a big heads up “pardon me” and again ask if he wants to discuss it calmly now or later. I will not be baited into a raging argument, I just breathe deep, move into his personal space, visualise his balls in a nutcracker, smile and ask what can I do to make it better. Otherwise I tell him to tell it to the judge, motherfucker yes I would pit him. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/37 "2008-02-08T16:47:52Z")
[QUOTE=CairoCarol] As to Miss “There’s no such thing as luck,” I think I’d be more concerned about her willingness to share such beliefs as if she expects you to believe too than I would be about the beliefs themselves. [/QUOTE] I want to thank everyone for their comments. It has helped more than I would have imagined it could. **CairoCarol** ’s comment was especially enlightening; thank you. I was having a hard time reconciling some of my more eccentric ideas with my disdain for her evaluation of our relationship based entirely on our astrological signs. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/38 "2008-02-08T17:02:45Z")
Not exactly the formatting I was going for, but I hit submit too quickly. [QUOTE=Dangerosa] [T]here are some sorts of irrationality people can be rational about - or at least be private about - and therefore, if you can be rational and private and respectful, it can work. But you both need to be respectful - which may mean being private. If you can’t do that, time to cut loose. No pitting required. That’s not respectful. [/QUOTE] This post hit pretty close to home. I’m not sure I can be respectful in this situation and she doesn’t seem willing to listen to my perspective. I probably shouldn’t “pit” her, but maybe I should consider the possibility that she is a troll. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2008, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/39 "2008-02-08T17:09:03Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] My wife is half Italian and she fights like it. \ Being her also means never having to say you’re sorry. [/QUOTE] You are not alone in this world! For the record, we’re separated on the way to divorce, but with some elbow room we’re actually getting along great. Some things are just not meant to be. Good luck to you. I feel for ya. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2008, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421/40 "2008-02-08T17:22:54Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] I need to clarify - I can’t pit him here because he is a member. Not because I wouldn’t want him to read it, but simply because there’s a rule about bringing offline stuff between members on to the boards. [/QUOTE] This is a new one on me. I just glanced through the Rules and didn’t see it, but I’m not ruling out having overlooked it. Do you mean it’s a rule you two have, or is that an actual SDMB rule I’ve just never rubbed up against before? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/could-you-pit-your-so/436421.md?page=3)