# Couple attempt to "unadopt" son.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 9, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855 "2006-10-09T23:14:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/1 "2006-10-09T23:14:33Z")
A couple are trying to “unadopt” a 16 year old boy they raised as their son, from the ages of 10-13.
I can kind of see [why](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/08/AR2006100801151.html). That woman had to choose between her adoptive son and her ward, her other foster chldren and allowing her grandchildren in her home. I can understand why she is doing what she’s doing.
That poor boy was so damaged I have no idea why anyone thought any kind of adoption could ever work out well.
It’s just sad.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/2 "2006-10-09T23:23:29Z")
[QUOTE=irishgirl]
A couple are trying to “unadopt” a 16 year old boy they raised as their son, from the ages of 10-13.
I can kind of see [why](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/08/AR2006100801151.html). That woman had to choose between her adoptive son and her ward, her other foster chldren and allowing her grandchildren in her home. I can understand why she is doing what she’s doing.
That poor boy was so damaged I have no idea why anyone thought any kind of adoption could ever work out well.
It’s just sad.
[/QUOTE]
Linky no worky.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/3 "2006-10-09T23:24:39Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal]
Linky no worky.
[/QUOTE]
Oops. My bad. Working fine now.
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### Author:  [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/4 "2006-10-09T23:31:24Z")
Oh wow, this is so sad. I definitely see where she’s coming from, but I can’t imagine that being abandoned one more time is going to help this kid any.
What an awful situation. ☹
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### Author:  [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/5 "2006-10-10T00:01:06Z")
Why is this in the pit? Where’s the hate? 😕
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### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/6 "2006-10-10T00:05:22Z")
Yeah, it’s more of a deploring than a pitting. The topic **is** deplorable, though.
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### Author:  [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/7 "2006-10-10T00:20:32Z")
I was surprised to learn that not all states disclose children’s histories to adoptive parents.
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### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/8 "2006-10-10T00:30:23Z")
[QUOTE=Kimstu]
Yeah, it’s more of a deploring than a pitting. The topic **is** deplorable, though.
[/QUOTE]
Oddly this is very simialr to the scenario of an [LA Law episode 16 years ago.](http://lalaw.theshagster.com/index.cgi?func=story&shownum=86)
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### Author:  [@Coin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coin)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/9 "2006-10-10T02:36:55Z")
It`s certainly pitworthy...I just can`t tell who I ought to be swearing at.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/10 "2006-10-10T02:50:48Z")
Man. Keep the really messed up, dangerous kid that you still love, or give him up and keep every other kid you’re responsible for, and your grandkids to boot. Sophie’s Choice, anyone?
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### Author:  [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/11 "2006-10-10T03:02:35Z")
[QUOTE=Coin]
It`s certainly pitworthy...I just can`t tell who I ought to be swearing at.
[/QUOTE]
The biological parents.
And now the kid. He’s a child molester.
Harsh, I know, but it must be clear that people are in danger from him.
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/12 "2006-10-10T03:03:58Z")
Here, you want something to [pit](http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1110AP_Baby_As_Weapon.html)?
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### Author:  [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/13 "2006-10-10T07:24:18Z")
[QUOTE=irishgirl]
A couple are trying to “unadopt” a 16 year old boy they raised as their son, from the ages of 10-13.
[/QUOTE]
Wouldn’t that be from the ages of 10-16?
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### Author:  [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/14 "2006-10-10T07:37:51Z")
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory]
Wouldn’t that be from the ages of 10-16?
[/QUOTE]
Nope, he’s been in jail, mental institutions, and now other foster homes since his conviction shortly after "2003, when the boy was 12, he sexually molested a 6-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl still in diapers. "
Enjoy,
Steven
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/15 "2006-10-10T07:52:09Z")
[QUOTE=Mtgman]
Nope, he’s been in jail, mental institutions, and now other foster homes since his conviction shortly after "2003, when the boy was 12, he sexually molested a 6-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl still in diapers. "
Enjoy,
Steven
[/QUOTE]
I think you need to reexamine the routine signature you put on your posts.
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### Author:  [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/16 "2006-10-10T10:25:25Z")
I feel sad for all of the parties involved in this story. It is not that boy’s fault that he is so disturbed. It is obvious that he was in a very unhealthy, abusive environment before and never had a chance to learn normal and healthy behavior during his formative years. It is so sad that he must feel totally rejected in his life with all the abuse and now this.
However, even though it isn’t the boy’s fault, I completely understand why the adoptive mother can’t cope with his profound emotional disturbance and wants him out of her life.
I intend to adopt a child someday myself, but only a younger child. I don’t think I could handle the severe emotional issues that older children in foster care often have. As the article notes, unfortunately it is fairly common for older child adoptions to “dissolve” because of all the emotional problems they generally have. It is really a serious problem. What can you do with these kids who are so disturbed to keep them from hurting anyone else when they are released into society as adults?
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/17 "2006-10-10T13:03:32Z")
[QUOTE=neuroman]
I think you need to reexamine the routine signature you put on your posts.
[/QUOTE]
😃 I feel terrible, but now I’m laughing like hell. I thought exactly the same thing!
Daniel
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/18 "2006-10-10T17:35:00Z")
[QUOTE=lavenderviolet]
I intend to adopt a child someday myself, but only a younger child. I don’t think I could handle the severe emotional issues that older children in foster care often have. As the article notes, unfortunately it is fairly common for older child adoptions to “dissolve” because of all the emotional problems they generally have. It is really a serious problem. What can you do with these kids who are so disturbed to keep them from hurting anyone else when they are released into society as adults?
[/QUOTE]
Even that is no guarantee. There were a lot of adoptions in the town where we used to live. Some turned out great, but some were disasters, even though the kids were adopted very young. Some had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (not surprising) and just weren’t right in their interactions with others. The kids certainly had a better life than they would if they hadn’t been adopted, but it has been hell for the parents.
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### Author:  [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/19 "2006-10-10T17:53:51Z")
While my heart breaks for the agony the woman has had to go through, having been lied to and defrauded, having her son turn out to be a molester with serious mental illness, and having to, literally, evict him from their physical home, I’ll be the one to go out on a limb and say that I think she’s completely wrong in abandoning this child like she is. Yes, I get that he can’t be allowed in their home to protect the other children. But as his parent, she took on the responsibility for caring for this young man, and that includes getting him the best help she can, at the best facilities at her disposal (with the state’s help, for certain – up to and including suing them civilly, if necessary), all while standing by his side in an effort to help him heal, even if it can’t be done from within her home. She has that moral obligation to this child. What she’s now putting him through, after all the other abandonment and emotional abuse he’s gone through in his young life, is unconscionable, IMO.
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### Author:  [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couple-attempt-to-unadopt-son/375855/20 "2006-10-10T17:59:28Z")
They can’t keep their other children safe, and yet you want them to have this monster around? Whatever caused his behavior problems, who ever is to blame, the parents have made the right choice - do what they can for those that still can be helped. I fully support their choice, and hard as it was to make.
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