# Couples in Violent Arguments. Should you intervene?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-in-violent-arguments-should-you-intervene/244924>\
**Category:** Great Debates\
**Created:** [May 13, 2004, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-in-violent-arguments-should-you-intervene/244924 "2004-05-13T07:50:09Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![cookeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@cookeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cookeze)\
**Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-in-violent-arguments-should-you-intervene/244924/21 "2004-05-15T20:48:13Z")

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Since they are strangers to you, how do you know they are a couple? Maybe you have walked into a sexual assault in progress.

And not having a phone or access to one is kind of lame. You can pretend you called the cops, can’t you?

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**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\
**Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-in-violent-arguments-should-you-intervene/244924/22 "2004-05-16T00:59:27Z")

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> [@Starguard](#):
>
> Its overall goal was to prove that ones appearance in public does have a drastic effect on how one is treated by the masses at large!

**Starguard** , I knew all that already. I still don’t see how it has any bearing on what is both right and sensible to do in this situation.

I think you’re in the wrong forum with this. According to your last post, you’re asking other Dopers what they **would** do. That’s for IMHO. GD is for asking people what they think they **should** do. And beauty has nothing to do with that.

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**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\
**Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-in-violent-arguments-should-you-intervene/244924/23 "2004-05-16T03:24:36Z")

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My gentleman friend’s brother was in exactly this situation two weeks ago. He was down from Poughkeepsie in the Poconos with his church group - they were helping a sister church in PA do some maintenance. They made a Home Depot run. In the parking lot, a couple was having an argument. The man struck the woman. My friend’s brother (in his late forties, motivated by gallantry rather than lust) attempted to intervene. The man pulled a gun, and shot him twice. The first shot was low in the right shoulder, spinning the would-be rescuer around. A good thing, because the second bullet grazed his skull.

He was in the hospital for two days (swelling on his head, some internal bleeding, apparently), released, and then back in the hospital this week because of seizures and renewed swelling. He’s apparently ok now, but the entire family is of course terribly shaken.

Domestic disputes are enormously dangerous because emotions are running high and the participants are not rational. I don’t know what I’d do in this situation. Morality would seem to dictate attempting to intervene, but the question has to arise - are you willing to risk your life? Because make no mistake - you will be doing so if you attempt to intervene. Obviously, my friend’s brother’s experience is unusual. But people do crazy things when they’re angry, and a man who is hitting a woman in public is probably pretty close to the edge in the first place. If he weren’t, he’d wait for privacy at the very least.

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