# Couples' Poll: Choice of couple-friends **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 12, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872 "2006-12-12T21:43:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/1 "2006-12-12T21:43:54Z")
If you are in a relationship, are most of the couples you see on a regular/semi-regular basis determined by the likes/dislikes of a) The man b) The woman c) Equal (for the purposes of this poll, straight relationships only, since otherwise, the poll would make no sense) I’ll go first: Mostly (b), and mostly driven by my wife’s dislikes/incompatibilities, especially with some of the women in the couples. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/2 "2006-12-12T21:59:47Z")
C for us. It helps that many of our friends are people we went to college with 20 (gack!) years ago. Back before my SO and I were a couple. ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/3 "2006-12-12T22:23:16Z")
(B). I think women in general are more adept at maintaining friendships: keeping in regular contact, remembering special occasions, scheduling get-togethers, etc. I know my guy friends are I are a lot more nonchalant about that kind of thing. But I’m kind of a homebody anyway so I may exaggerate that tendency. ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/4 "2006-12-12T22:46:31Z")
b) Mostly because my wife is much more introverted than I. She has a few, close friends, and those friends and their spouses comprise the couples we do things with, on the rare occassions we do things with other couples. I have many more friends, but we never do anything with them as couples. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/5 "2006-12-12T22:51:48Z")
Er. My husband’s more social than me; however, he moved to be in the area with _my_ college friends. Our social group is mostly people I knew in college, people who know people I knew in college, and a few stray people he’s found here and there. Mind, we wouldn’t have a shared social group at all if these people weren’t the sort of people we both like to spend time with, and he spends more time with them than I do. I don’t know how that boils down for the poll, other than perhaps, “Er … no? Maybe?” I’m not sure I should be answering anyway, though, as we don’t really socialise as a couple or with couples … ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/6 "2006-12-12T22:55:20Z")
C), but that has a lot to do with the fact that we were in the same circle of friends when we started dating. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/7 "2006-12-12T23:52:03Z")
In my household, it’s A). I’m not a very social person, so I don’t have a lot of friends. Whenever we go to visit other couples, it’s usually people my Hubby knows: friends from college, people with whom he works-- that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![GilaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@GilaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GilaB)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/8 "2006-12-14T05:27:17Z")
B, but we moved to my husband’s neighborhood when we got married, while my friends are spread out and don’t live nearby. We do occasionally get together with my friends, but that’s more of a special occasion. ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/9 "2006-12-14T05:44:54Z")
C. We don’t hang out with people we don’t like. Also, Tashaboy moved to Carson City shortly before he and I started dating; most of the people he knows he’s met through me. Not like I don’t encourage him to go out and make friends, but he’s a homebody in that he’s lazy (not introverted). ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/10 "2006-12-14T10:48:46Z")
C. There are occasional times when our circle of friends includes others, but most of our friends are from college or work. She and I get along with about everyone the same, in most cases, and I imagine it is because we are very much alike. Brendon ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/11 "2006-12-14T12:40:15Z")
[QUOTE=Tastes of Chocolate] C for us. It helps that many of our friends are people we went to college with 20 (gack!) years ago. Back before my SO and I were a couple. [/QUOTE] We have a similar situation, having met back when we I was seventeen and having the same set of friends for over a decade. So most of the people we see are people we both knew before we started dating. There are a few people we see that I didn’t know much of before we started dating. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/12 "2006-12-14T13:35:12Z")
B) Most of the people we see fairly often are couples where the woman and I are good friends, and the man and Mr. Stuff are anywhere from generally happy to see one another to fast friends. Partly because it seems to be more important to me to maintain a relationship on a regular basis, where Mr. Stuff can see a good friend once a year and not feel that the relationship has suffered. Partly because it’s more of a deal breaker for me when I’m not good friends with the woman. There is a particular couple where Mr. Stuff and the man are really good friends. The woman is very nice, but pretty limited. She rarely talks about anything besides her children and her scrapbooking, because she doesn’t understand much else. As a woman without children and who likes to scrapbook, but only sometimes and not as a Higher Art Form, this is incredibly boring for me. I’d much rather talk to Mr. Stuff and her husband about theology and politics, but that would leave her sitting alone with nothing to say, so I don’t do it. I’ve tried talking about other things with her, but she always returns to a cute story about her children and how she took pictures of it and scrapbooked them. We do see them, but I have to gather my patience together before we do so. So it’s not that often. We are lucky to have two pairs of couple-friends (one is a brother and his wife) that we love equally to see. We see them a lot. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/13 "2006-12-14T13:36:10Z")
B, which is driven by the fact that we live in the area where I went to college, and his roots are halfway across the country. There are a few exceptions, but _most_ of the people we socialize with are people from my set. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/14 "2006-12-14T16:59:22Z")
[QUOTE=tashabot] C. We don’t hang out with people we don’t like. Also, Tashaboy moved to Carson City shortly before he and I started dating; most of the people he knows he’s met through me. [/QUOTE] Are there any people he met through you that he doesn’t click with too much, but goes along anyway, because they’re your friends? ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/15 "2006-12-14T17:16:57Z")
[QUOTE=StuffLikeThatThere] B) Most of the people we see fairly often are couples where the woman and I are good friends, and the man and Mr. Stuff are anywhere from generally happy to see one another to fast friends. … Partly because it’s more of a deal breaker for me when I’m not good friends with the woman. [/QUOTE] This is the situation that describes my case as well. I was expecting more replies along those lines in this thread, but we also got quite a few (C)'s. > [@](#): > > There is a particular couple where Mr. Stuff and the man are really good friends. The woman is very nice, but pretty limited. She rarely talks about anything besides her children and her scrapbooking, because she doesn’t understand much else. As a woman without children and who likes to scrapbook, but only sometimes and not as a Higher Art Form, this is incredibly boring for me. I’d much rather talk to Mr. Stuff and her husband about theology and politics, but that would leave her sitting alone with nothing to say, so I don’t do it. I’ve tried talking about other things with her, but she always returns to a cute story about her children and how she took pictures of it and scrapbooked them. We do see them, but I have to gather my patience together before we do so. So it’s not that often. This is **exactly** what is happening with us and one of our couple-friends. Hmmm, maybe the difference between (B) couples and (C) couples is that when (B) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in two different groups, and when (C) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in one group. It would be great if people who have answered above could let us know whether they generally break up into men & women groups or stay and chat as one group. As for me, I hate the two-group dynamic, and prefer it when we all talk together in one group, but for a majority of the couples we meet we have the two-group dynamic. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/16 "2006-12-14T17:39:30Z")
[QUOTE=Polerius] Hmmm, maybe the difference between (B) couples and (C) couples is that when (B) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in two different groups, and when (C) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in one group. It would be great if people who have answered above could let us know whether they generally break up into men & women groups or stay and chat as one group. [/QUOTE] Mu. Generally speaking, it varies whether groups break into sections or stay in the same sort of gathering; when it breaks into sections, it’s never sex-based. (Most frequently it’s ‘I want to play a strategy game’ vs. ‘I want to play cards’ based. Occasionally, ‘I’m on a theology kick’ vs. ‘Augh, I’m really not in the mood for dealing with abstract babble about philosophical possibilities, let’s go do _anything_ else.’) ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/17 "2006-12-14T17:51:38Z")
[QUOTE=Polerius] Hmmm, maybe the difference between (B) couples and (C) couples is that when (B) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in two different groups, and when (C) couples meet friends, the men and the women talk in one group. It would be great if people who have answered above could let us know whether they generally break up into men & women groups or stay and chat as one group. [/QUOTE] (C) from above. Usually it’s a single group, unless the number is to large to fit into one room (like the kitchen). Then it breaks up randomly, with much wandering between the groups. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-poll-choice-of-couple-friends/383872/18 "2006-12-14T23:02:41Z")
I’d say ©, because I think we semi-consciously try to steer ourselves away from situations where there is an expectation that the men and women will “bond” separately. Does that make sense? For example, if I had a female friend here at work, and she suggested a first-time spousal get-together, I’d be all for it (knowing that my spouse likes to meet people), but if she said something like, "Hey, why don’t we all go to the movies? You and I can see (Something Stereotypically Chicky) and the guys can go see (Something Stereotypically Testosterony) . . . " I probably wouldn’t go for it. I mean, assuming that I haven’t met her spouse and vice versa, and that our spouses haven’t met each other, why assume that they’ll have more in common, or will prefer a certain activity separate from us just because they’re guys? If, of course, she’s suggesting it because we’ve discussed how both of our husbands want to see (Testosterone Movie), while we’d rather see (Chick Movie), then that’s another thing. And if there does happen to be bonding along gender lines, so be it, but yeah. I still pick ©.