# Couples sharing the same email **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269 "2002-12-28T00:52:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Themis00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/13edae/32.png) [@Themis00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Themis00)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/1 "2002-12-28T00:52:32Z")
Why? I have several girlfriends who are married or stay with their boyfriends, at times I want to send a private email, but I can’t do so because some share the same email addy with their partner. What’s up with this trend? ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/2 "2002-12-28T02:41:41Z")
It’s called “being open and honest with each other”. It’s an ingredient which separates the men and women from the rats. I know, I can hear you now! You’ll say “Honesty” - it’ll never catch on! 😃 - Jinx ---
**Author:** ![stockton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@stockton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stockton)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/3 "2002-12-28T02:57:30Z")
Holy cow, **Jinx** , we call it TRUSTING each other and have our own email addresses. How does “being open and honest with each other” entail sharing an email address? If I want Mrs Stockton to read an email I’ve received, I’ll forward it to her. She doesn’t need to see the 30+ spams I get every day, along with the note from a family member. Do you open your spouse’s mail from the USPS, too? We don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/4 "2002-12-28T02:58:25Z")
Um, I have my own email (several actually), but my husband is free to read them anytime he wants. And he does. I’ll tell him, “Oh, look at that cute forward Jane sent me,” or “Mr. Smith sent a business request and I don’t know how to do it, would you look at the email?” So don’t count on the idea that your emails will remain “private” just because your friend has her own account. ---
**Author:** ![Wordy\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d2c977/32.png) [@Wordy\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wordy_One)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/5 "2002-12-28T02:59:35Z")
Now, I don’t claim to know anything about other people’s relationships…but it seems to me that sharing e-mail is more about insecurity than anything else. Being part of a couple doesn’t mean sacrificing my own friends, my own interests, or my own correspondence. It also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have any privacy. Do email-sharing couples keep the bathroom door open too? I am really, truly curious about this one. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/6 "2002-12-28T03:00:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stockton \* > \*\*Do you open your spouse’s mail from the USPS, too? We don’t. \*\* I do. Because I DO trust my husband, and I know it’s not anything private. Of course, I ask first if it’s a package, just in case it’s a surprise or something that he wants to send back. But I always open his mail and call him at work to tell him what he’s got. ---
**Author:** ![stockton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@stockton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stockton)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/7 "2002-12-28T03:00:49Z")
Addendum: I certainly don’t want to see all the email crap the SHE’S signed up for. She can handle her own spam and forward anything that she thinks might be interesting. “Open and honest?” Spare us! ---
**Author:** ![stockton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@stockton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stockton)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/8 "2002-12-28T03:07:32Z")
Upon preview, YES, **cess**. Also **wordy**. I didn’t see your posts between my 2, and I certainly was not trying to beat up on **jinx**. An email addy of your own does not make you a rat, despite your assertion. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/9 "2002-12-28T03:11:17Z")
Um, I’m confused. What did I say that you are saying YES to? (BTW, I thought of a problem with having the same email addy – how can you send email to eachother?? 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/10 "2002-12-28T03:13:18Z")
I run a mailing list that is open to people with specific qualifications only. We take the privacy of list mail very seriously and make sure all newcomers know this. While we have had some couples both on list (all with individual mail addresses mind you) in few couples do both actually qualify or share interest in joining the discussion. You would not believe the arguments I get into when I ask applicants to get a separate address. _But I trust him/her not to read it_. _Well maybe he or she is perfectly trustworthy but you see [SeanandMaryandFluffyandRoverandFutureChildren@clueless.com](mailto:SeanandMaryandFluffyandRoverandFutureChildren@clueless.com) the other list members do not know that._ What is so damned hard, even if you don’t want to use a free webmail address don’t most ISPs let you have more than one email account on a dial-up or cable connection? I find it pathetic myself but perhaps it relates to people new to the net thinking email is kind of like snail-mail where it is nice to have two names joined together. It is one thing to share a snail mail box where envelopes that hide the contents are placed, there is no reason for it online that I can see. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/11 "2002-12-28T03:13:42Z")
Well, my stepmom reads my dad’s e-mail, even though she has her own account, and it pisses me off. Am I not alowed to have private communication with my own father? Sometimes she even sends me snippy little replies. If I wanted to discuss whatever with her, I would have sent her an e-mail to her own address! I think certain relationships should have a reasonable expectation of privacy. It’s not that I’m hiding anything from her, per se; it’s just that if I want to include a third person in a communication, I’ll do so myself. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/12 "2002-12-28T03:14:34Z")
I’m sorry, Themis00, but your OP strongly implies you WANT to send something secretive that you don’t wish to share with the significant other. Especially if married, how do you think that makes the sig other feel? It only festers and grows leading to ill feelings fabricated upon suspicions. Just my IMHO, Jinx ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/13 "2002-12-28T03:29:16Z")
\*Dear PartnerofJinx, the gift of the diamond encrusted wristwatch is ready for you to collect at your convenience. The engraving reads _love and trust forever_ as requested. I am emailing rather than telephoning so as to keep this secret for the surprise party with 500 guests I hear you have been arranging with my sister’s catering firm for Jinx. I hope the celebrations are fabulous Sincerely TerriblyExpensiveJeweller\* nope, never keep any secrets from the SO, that would be bad :rolleyes: One more thing **Jinx** , what if I want to tell your SO something personal to me? Do you believe you have the right to know what is going on in my life even if I have no friendship with you, only with your SO? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/14 "2002-12-28T03:29:36Z")
**Jinx** , unless I’m missing something, I don’t think “secretive” is the right word. I may want to send an e-mail to a girlfriend with “girl-talk” in it about any number of things that I would be embarrassed to discuss with their SO. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/15 "2002-12-28T03:34:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thylacine \* > \*\*You would not believe the arguments I get into when I ask applicants to get a separate address. > > _But I trust him/her not to read it_. > > _Well maybe he or she is perfectly trustworthy but you see [SeanandMaryandFluffyandRoverandFutureChildren@clueless.com](mailto:SeanandMaryandFluffyandRoverandFutureChildren@clueless.com) the other list members do not know that._ > \*\* I was given exactly that type of address from someone who was supposed to keep conversations confidential. It was a [hotmail.com](http://hotmail.com) address, so she surely could have gotten her own email as well. So, no I don’t write her - because I don’t know her husband, and while he might be a great guy, and never read email from an address he doesn’t recognize, I don’t know that. The fact remains that it is very easy for him to accidentally stumble upon it. (It was bizarre - I asked whether it was private email and got the answer “yes, just me and my husband!” She couldn’t understand why that wasn’t "private) And while I realize that the people with their own address could just forward my email around everywhere - at least there’s some level of pretense that they’re the only one getting the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/16 "2002-12-28T03:47:38Z")
Perhaps in fact he doesn’t feel like sharing his thoughts with the SO; I don’t see what the big deal is about that. I’ve had friends where I’m much closer to the friend than their SO, and so I wouldn’t write exactly the same letter to one of them singly than I would to them both. Why reminisce about old times/private jokes when one of the people reading the note won’t be able to relate to them? My husband and I have separate E-mail addresses; we do not completely share the same friends, but do carry on separate correspondences with the same friends on occasion. My husband and I do not have identical interests after all, and prefer to talk to our friends about things that we each enjoy. We also feel comfortable forwarding relevant E-mail to each other. I also have different spam filtering methods that I use - he usually just lets it accumulate then deletes it. He downloads his E-mail to his PDA to read, while I read it on the computer. And so forth. We know each other’s passwords but don’t use them unless asked (“Honey, can you log into my E-mail and print out the directions to the party tonight?”, etc.). We don’t read each other’s postal mail either, but he’s a letter carrier and follows postal regulations strictly. If his name isn’t on it, he won’t open it unless I say he can. (And yes, it is technically against postal regulations and probably illegal to read a spouse’s mail, though there are few cases in which that would result in prosecution.) ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/17 "2002-12-28T03:51:44Z")
I could never marry someone who didn’t respect the fact that I want my own identity. What if one of my friends wants to email me and confide something in me about her own marital problems or personal issues? I certainly wouldnt want the problems that I trust my friends with broadcast to their SO’s. That’s just creepy. If I felt the need to read my SO’s email, I’d have to seriously rethink the relationship. The whole thing reeks of insecurity. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/18 "2002-12-28T03:52:42Z")
I used to share an email account with my SO, and that was a royal pain in the butt. I can’t imagine doing that nowadays, especially since I can create an indefinitely large number of email accounts anytime I want anyway. I don’t think I want to know what mailing lists my girlfriend is on. I know she’s not the least bit interested in most of the ones I’m on. It’s not about being open and honest, it’s about remaining individuals. Sharing your life with someone doesn’t mean you cease to have independent existence. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/19 "2002-12-28T03:59:18Z")
This really is annoying! I want to talk to one person and not have to guess who it is. Frankly, I find it totally rude. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269/20 "2002-12-28T04:46:39Z")
I thought that shared email addresses were common only among tech-illiterate people like my inlaws (they “don’t know how” to get a second email address from their provider, which offers the service for free). I’m very happy that my friends all have their own email addresses for the reasons so many have stated above. If I want to send the same letter to both members of a couple, I’ll CC it. The only mail that’s addressed to my husband I will open is obvious junk mail. Other than that, even if it’s something that I know concerns me as well, I won’t open it if my name’s not on it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/couples-sharing-the-same-email/145269.md?page=2)