# COVID-Damaged Relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** The Quarantine Zone\ **Tags:** covid-quarantine\ **Created:** [December 5, 2020, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317 "2020-12-05T20:03:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/21 "2020-12-06T22:32:32Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I think this is right. FIL probably would have screwed us over anyway, somehow. For a lot of people it just magnifies issues that already existed. Yeah. If your father-in-law is a narcissist and always has been, you would have had an issue with him at some point anyway even if there wasn’t a pandemic. He wouldn’t have followed your rules for your child, he would have thought he knew better than you how to parent him, he would have at some point done something that you knew was flat-out dangerous for your child. It might even be fortunate that because of the pandemic you were able to catch this _before_ he did something that actually damaged your child, let him eat something he was allergic to or put him in harm’s way because according to him it couldn’t possibly be dangerous. Though I get it doesn’t exactly feel fortunate right now. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/22 "2020-12-06T22:42:38Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > This thread is kind of timely for me. My parents are bog-standard Fox news zombies and now they’re doing the annual Christmas ritual of shaking me down for a time and place to recreate Christmas of 1958 regardless of whatever is going on in the world. They need a smackdown and a reality check, but I can’t give it to them because they’re my parents and they’re old and dumb and it’s like kicking a puppy. Our parents never told me about you. We should definitely meet up at the next 1958 Christmas re-creation. Tell you what: You kick Dad, and I’ll kick Mom. You’re right – they really need it. We’ll get over the puppy-kicking guilt eventually. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/23 "2020-12-06T22:50:42Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > In my experience for a lot of relationship issues COVID is just a trigger for something that would have happened anyway. Not all , but a lot. I’d have to sort of half disagree. I think a lot of people know their friends or relatives watch Foxnews and hate their political views but now suddenly those political views feel physically dangerous.(acknowledged that some political views were always physically dangerous to some people) And this is a rather uniquely long heated crisis with a side bonus of isolation. It brings out some things you never thought you’d see in people. There’s some stuff that regular life would never have brought up. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/24 "2020-12-06T23:14:54Z")
Like I said , not all but a lot. I haven’t been at all surprised by any political views and I really wasn’t talking about that.\* I was talking about other things. For example, I am an essential worker and have therefore been physically at work for the duration. Some of my coworkers refused to come to work for some period of time or became upset that they were expected to work , claiming the agency didn’t care about their safety. OK fine. Right up until those same people who claimed to be so afraid of COVID started traveling on vacation and complaining about the idea that they might have to use their own sick time to quarantine . I don’t really believe you were too too afraid to come to work , but not too afraid to fly on vacation - and you certainly didn’t care about traveling and potentially exposing _me_ when you returned to work. And people behaved that way that I didn’t them expect to. And they would have done it in a similar situation where doing what they wanted required having no consideration for others. - And you’d actually be surprised at how many Trump supporters I know who go nowhere without a mask and stay home as much as possible. But that ( and the fact that most of the cavalier people I know hate Trump ) are no doubt side effects of living in NYC. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/25 "2020-12-06T23:21:55Z")
Well, I was thinking more personal relationships. Couples stuck at home for months with very little outside socialization. A slightly hypochondriac spouse who has spent most of the year reading every pre-print study on what Covid might do to you. A slightly paranoid/conspiracy leaning spouse watching lots of extra paranoia pushing news. Just think the length and heat of this has probably brought out some personality conflicts that everyone could have happily ignored. ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/26 "2020-12-06T23:36:45Z")
Absolutely happened with me. It precipitated a breakup with a girlfriend I otherwise really liked. She wanted to meet up with a group of friends far outside our own quarantine bubble, a group that themselves was not particularly observant of isolation measures, especially as seen by their own social media activities. Her justification came down to a weak “they’ve all been tested (when, once, and _all_ of them?)” and “ok we’ll all wear masks if that’s what you want”. If it was just me living with her or by myself, maybe not a massive deal, but for the fact that at the time I was living at home and my parents, especially my father, are quite vulnerable. It was much more important to her to socialize than my very real issues with potentially killing my family. It was messy in the end, and I while I don’t like glibly writing things off as “well it was for the best”, it did expose that we were really not well suited together. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/27 "2020-12-06T23:39:30Z")
If you’re talking about people in shared households, sure, a lot of stuff will happen that wouldn’t have happened without COVID - but a lot of what you described and I’ve experienced is annoyances. Crazy-making annoyances to be sure but not relationship-destroying. ( It’s almost like you were in my house, with the paranoid spouse. Although it not conspiracy theories I’m hearing about with the constant news watching) Some of the coworkers I described I used to consider friends, but no longer do - that was relationship destroying. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2020, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/28 "2020-12-06T23:44:55Z")
Well, lucky for me, my workplace has been pretty “all in this together”. There was probably more disagreement under the surface but we all knew someone showing up sick would screw us all, hoax or not. This will have certainly have been a learning experience for the human race. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/29 "2020-12-07T00:47:44Z")
> [@Cleophus](#): > > It was messy in the end, and I while I don’t like glibly writing things off as “well it was for the best”, it did expose that we were really not well suited together. The situation exposed a difference in values and priorities. And in common sense, too. It probably was better to find out about those differences while still in the bf/gf stage than down the road. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/30 "2020-12-07T04:38:04Z")
30 years together and one day he was snatched by aliens or something. COVID is a hoax designed by the shadow government to overthrow Trump who is the best President the US has ever had. Its like he’s split in half, because he is still the smart, kind, thoughtful man he’s always been except for the strange dichotomy he displays. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/31 "2020-12-07T14:15:20Z")
A 20-year-married couple, good friends of me and my wife, is in the middle of melting down and breaking up. Very sad. They were always kind of an odd match — him a fun-loving blue-collar Bro, her a serious white-collar professional — but as long as they had the flexibility and freedom to pursue separate fulfillment, they made it work. Being trapped in the same house for weeks and months made her realize that he’s not just a happy-go-lucky doofus, he’s actively irresponsible. There was no abuse or infidelity, but she realized he was blowing off his main household-earner jobs in order to do cash work on the side to finance personal outdoor activities he wasn’t telling her about, just so he could go vent the pressure he was feeling. All while their kids were experiencing emotional crises of their own, which he wasn’t equipped to deal with, leading to more pressure-venting financial cheating and leaving her to handle the family. None of this would have happened without the pandemic, or at least not in this compressed form. My wife and I have talked several times about how lucky we are, compared to this couple and some others we know who have been struggling. Aside from the fact that we live in a country which takes crisis management seriously and has coped with the pandemic as well or better than any other country in Europe, my wife and I like and respect each other as people in addition to loving each other as spouses, and we function as an open, honest, communicative team. We have had very little conflict and we have supported each other throughout the crisis. It’s not fun, but we’re solid. It’s sad that so many others have been nowhere near as fortunate. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/32 "2020-12-07T14:45:22Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > My parents are bog-standard Fox news zombies and now they’re doing the annual Christmas ritual of shaking me down for a time and place to recreate Christmas of 1958 regardless of whatever is going on in the world. They need a smackdown and a reality check, but I can’t give it to them because they’re my parents and they’re old and dumb and it’s like kicking a puppy. Don’t string your parents along… if you don’t give them a hard NO (and it’ll take a few applications of the word), they’ll be harboring Hope of Cozy Family Christmas. I told my mom “We’d love to have our usual Thanksgiving and Christmas with you… next year. I’m so sorry, we’ll miss you horribly, but with [REASON] we just can’t. We’re being careful, and hope you will be too.” BUT, your reason has to unassailable, or you’ll get a month of whiny rationalizations. My mom would call with “Oh, we’ve thought about [REASON], we’ll have hand sanitizer on the table.” “If you’re that worried about [REASON], you can stay in our basement where you’ll have your own bathroom.” You’d think our reason being my wife’s job _in a hospital_ would be enough, but we were getting resistance and “re-negotiations”, so I called my doc and had her say “NO you can’t go! That would put your parents at risk. No one should go!” That finally put an end to it. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/33 "2020-12-07T15:47:01Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > My wife and I have talked several times about how lucky we are, compared to this couple and some others we know who have been struggling. Same here Cervaise. My Wife and I already lived a pretty remote lifestyle. We where already tuned into the isolation. We have fun together playing chess and cribbage and also have enough room to have our own time/space. It must be very difficult for some. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2020, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/34 "2020-12-07T17:24:01Z")
This thread reminds me of a bit in _Love is Hell_. “Your husband’s hyena like laugh will not get less annoying with time”.\* \*or thereabouts. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2021, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/36 "2021-08-01T22:36:18Z")
I had a good friend in England who had been one of my main carousing buddies back in Bangkok. He always seemed level-headed. But at the start of Covid, we had a big falling out over the virus. He almost sounded like a Chumpist. Thought the whole thing just nonsensical scare-mongering. Have not been in contact for a while now. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2021, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/37 "2021-08-01T22:47:44Z")
Had a major falling out w/ half-brother, not so much over COVID itself but because I didn’t immediately inform him that my half-sister had died – despite the fact that when he heard she had terminal cancer, he said “I have no empathy for her. I don’t care.” He’s one of these people who has two sides. He shows his good side to a lot of people, saves his shit for others. I’ve about written his high-and-mighty ass off. Other than that, let’s see…oh, yeah, my marriage has tanked. She insists on basically living in a fucking bubble and I went nuts trying to accommodate her. I finally snapped. Not proud of it. But I realize we’re both flawed people, incompatible people. Yes, we had other issues. In any case, we’re separated. I have no idea why she hasn’t served me with divorce papers yet. I fully expected her to after she asked me to move out. If she doesn’t do it soon I guess I’ll have to do the dirty deed. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/38 "2021-08-02T01:00:42Z")
I’ve mentioned this elsewhere. One of my nieces is on immune-suppressants so of course she has been militant about anti-maskers and, when the vaccines became available, anti-vaxxers. A few months ago we found out that one of my other niece’s husband is not only refusing to get vaccinated but (as far as we know) will not let his wife get vaccinated. So he’s pretty much been shunned by most of the family. I’m not sure about specifics because they’re all in Chicago and I’m here in NC, so most of my family contact is through Facebook and I do my best to avoid family drama. Of course, this also means it’s highly unlikely that we’ll be getting together with their family (they have three young children) at Christmas (assuming that there is a family get-together then). Up until now, our family has been relatively drama-free, and this may be the first crack. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/39 "2021-08-02T01:16:02Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > One of my nieces is on immune-suppressants so of course she has been militant about anti-maskers and, when the vaccines became available, anti-vaxxers. A few months ago we found out that one of my other niece’s husband is not only refusing to get vaccinated but (as far as we know) will not let his wife get vaccinated. Are these nieces sisters to each other, or cousins? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/40 "2021-08-02T01:17:57Z")
I’ve read of people secretly getting vaccinated. That’s pretty fucked up that they have to, but I’m delighted to hear they’re doing it. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317/41 "2021-08-02T01:30:24Z")
Cousins. I shudder to think how much worse it would be if they were sisters. As I said, I’m not sure how the rest of the family is handling this. Most of what I see on Facebook is from my niece, with occasional comments from her mother (my sister). My brother (the other niece’s father) hasn’t said anything about the situation, so I have no idea what he thinks about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/covid-damaged-relationships/927317.md?page=3)