# Coworker wants ongoing rides home, offers money. Do I take it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346 "2006-02-27T19:04:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/41 "2006-02-28T21:35:57Z")
I used to have to carpool all the time, since I never had a licence while I was working. I’d just ask around, starting with the people who lived nearest me. They often flapped their hands at the idea of me paying them, so I always paid just a little bit more than what I thought was fair - mostly out of sheer gratitude. Seven years I had to carpool. By the time I’d left the company, I had one regular who drive me to work and got about $20 a week, and one backup, who, though it wasn’t out of her way, I’d give $10 per week, because she hated my driveway. Sometimes it was men, sometimes it was women, but it was never a question - whoever I asked, unless they had some pressing matters to attend to, would always say yes. And nobody cared. Then again, the place I worked with was mostly a pretty friendly place, and no one would even begin to think that something sexual was going on. Admittedly, that anyone would worry about giving someone of the opposite sex a ride regularly would be something other than innocent blows my mind a little bit, but hey, it must happen, or people wouldn’t worry about it, I guess. Strange but true, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/42 "2006-02-28T21:39:23Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > Admittedly, that anyone would worry about giving someone of the opposite sex a ride regularly would be something other than innocent blows my mind a little bit, but hey, it must happen, or people wouldn’t worry about it, I guess. Strange but true, eh? \ Depends on what \*kind \* of ride, eh? I am with you though. It’s a coworker, and someone who is sitting next to you in the passenger or driver’s side seat. If you can’t trust your mate enough even in those circumstances, then possibly you are overly jealous or they have given you a reason not to trust them. [hijack]Hey Stasia, it’s been sooooo long since you gave us one of your wonderful typos. I’m starting to miss them. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/43 "2006-02-28T21:46:58Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > [hijack]Hey Stasia, it’s been sooooo long since you gave us one of your wonderful typos. I’m starting to miss them. [/hijack] [hijack]Ah, I’ve been making them all over the place, they just haven’t been very funny. 😛 [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/44 "2006-03-01T02:17:51Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Is she hot? From the OP I was getting the impression that this might be the issue. If so, just make a point to invite her over for dinner with you and the wife periodically. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/45 "2006-03-01T02:52:11Z")
I’d say drop this one like a hand grenade. You don’t even know this person, and you’re gonna have her hop into your car on your drive home? Like Ivylass said, think of HR. Or, think of her lighting up a fattie to relax on the way home. Or, bringing her boyfriend along since he just got fired for not passing his UA at work because the doctor doesn’t know anything about false positives. Or her boyfriend following the two of you to your car because she just told him that they should date other people. Or, your running her by the store for just a minute. Or her asking you for a few dollars loan until payday. This one stinks big time. Drive away. hh ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/46 "2006-03-01T03:22:52Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I’d say drop this one like a hand grenade. Or she could be a serial killer. Or the OP could be a serial killer. Or she might have explosive diarrhea. Or if or if or if. What if she just needs a damn ride? Not everyone is out to get you. Most people, but not everyone. As a non-driver who often had to rely on other people for rides to and from work (when I lived/worked in a small town), I would have loved to have a regular ride home. It is tough getting around when you don’t drive, and believe me, I was unobtrusive as possible during my carpool rides. You didn’t say how far you both live from work, but I think a fair rate would be something like $1/10 minutes. So if it takes 30 minutes to get home, that would be $3 a day and $15 a week. I would have gladly paid rates like that to have a steady ride home. I was never charged for any rides though I sometimes gave my regular drivers a little money when they filled up on the way back. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/47 "2006-03-01T04:44:22Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I’d say drop this one like a hand grenade. > You don’t even know this person, and you’re gonna have her hop into your car on your drive home? Like Ivylass said, think of HR. > Or, think of her lighting up a fattie to relax on the way home. > Or, bringing her boyfriend along since he just got fired for not passing his UA at work because the doctor doesn’t know anything about false positives. > Or her boyfriend following the two of you to your car because she just told him that they should date other people. > Or, your running her by the store for just a minute. > Or her asking you for a few dollars loan until payday. > This one stinks big time. > Drive away. > hh Overreact much? Good God, people… I’ll say it again: it’s a _ride_. She’s not asking you for a kidney. But, I suppose (as evidenced by my own experiences and **davenportavenger** ’s) it all depends on whether or not you yourself have been in her situation. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/48 "2006-03-04T00:36:23Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Overreact much? > > Good God, people… I’ll say it again: it’s a _ride_. She’s not asking you for a kidney. But, I suppose (as evidenced by my own experiences and **davenportavenger** ’s) it all depends on whether or not you yourself have been in her situation. You don’t get the point of the whole OP, do you? Call me crazy, but I really, truly believe that Spectre understood that it was just a ride she was asking for. Again, I may be bold for my years, but I DO believe it!!! I think that it depends on whose situation you have been in. I have been in both, and every imaginable situation in re: rides. I think that DPAvenger and DWD need to start giving more rides to complete strangers, which appears so attractive to you, and then get on the lecture circuit. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/49 "2006-03-04T00:45:40Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am with you though. It’s a coworker, and someone who is sitting next to you in the passenger or driver’s side seat. If you can’t trust your mate enough even in those circumstances, then possibly you are overly jealous or they have given you a reason not to trust them. I don’t think the issue is with the SO, it could be with the employer. I’m not saying anything could happen, but she could be having a bad day, **Spectre** reaches over to pat her on the shoulder, next thing you know, she’s filing a complaint with HR. It’s quite probably she’s a very nice person who just needs a ride. But why put yourself in a position where a misunderstanding could occur? If you’re going to do this, at least have a third person in the car. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/50 "2006-03-04T00:52:15Z")
I’ve given female employees rides home on several occasions and never really worried about the whole sexual harassment issue. Some might say I wasn’t being cautious enough, but I disagree. I think the type of employees who would level false charges of sexual harassment are unhappy employees, and I try to make everyone very happy. There’s bad eggs out there, but I think they’re easier than some might think to notice beforehand. A regular ride home may be somewhat problematic though for appearances reasons so I can understand the awkward situation the OP is in. I would find it preposterous to charge for a simple two mile drive but at the same time, I’d almost feel like I needed to charge some fraction of gas money just so it could be clear it wasn’t some type of favoritism but just a simple service I was providing. But then at the same time everyone who works with me knows how much I make, and I’d worry about them saying, “Holy shit, did you hear _he_ is charging her $10 a week for a ride home? What a cheap bastard!” Anyways, if I wasn’t charging I’d expect the person to conform to my schedule within reason (no hour later type crap.) But if I was charging them I’d be more accomodating to their schedule. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/51 "2006-03-04T01:06:26Z")
Oh man, what kind of nation do we live in? I once took the wrong bus. In a country 10,000 miles away from my home. Where I didn’t speak a word of the language. When my plane was leaving in 10 hours and my tickets were in an apartment who’s address I’d forgotten. I ended up on a dusty road, in the middle of nowhere. A family picked me up, took me to their home, served me lemonade and snacks and showed me the family photo album while they sent someone out to find someone who spoke English. This person heard my story, went out and somehow found someone who knew where the apartment complex on that I needed to go to to go was, and that person gave me a ride across the city. I tried to pay, and they genuinely refused, even though what I offered was likely a few day’s salary. This is the kind of kindness that makes me proud to be human. That makes life worth living. Are we all really such pussies that we won’t perform basic acts of human kindness out of fear? That we’ll invent countless fantastical scenarios to justify why we shouldn’t take ten minutes out of our day to help a neighbor? Is everyone really that afraid? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/52 "2006-03-04T01:59:12Z")
> [@Spectre of Pithecanthropus](#): > > I’ve suddenly been put into a somewhat awkward situation. > Any thoughts or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated. It’s not awkward at all, to me. Do the right thing, offer the rides without any compensation, and rack up the Good Karma. Good Karma is worth FAR more than the meager amount of cash. _Trust me on this._ As for worrying about the fact that she’s of the opposite sex _"Honi soit qui mal y pense’_. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/53 "2006-03-04T02:02:26Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > This is the kind of kindness that makes me proud to be human. That makes life worth living. > > Are we all really such pussies that we won’t perform basic acts of human kindness out of fear? That we’ll invent countless fantastical scenarios to justify why we shouldn’t take ten minutes out of our day to help a neighbor? Is everyone really that afraid? Rigth on, Dude! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/54 "2006-03-04T05:00:52Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I think that DPAvenger and DWD need to start giving more rides to complete strangers, which appears so attractive to you, and then get on the lecture circuit. Would if I could, man. Would if I could. Did you miss the part where I said I can’t drive? I won’t pretend all non-driving people are angels. IF you offer the girl a ride and THEN she does shit like smoke in your car or ask to be chauffered to the store, that’s a good reason to stop the rides. But don’t pre-judge her, i.e. “drop her like a hand grenade.” The more I think about this, the more upset I get at my former coworkers who lived five minutes away from me but wouldn’t take me home regularly because they’re “beat” after work. So because you’re beat my SO has to drive twenty minutes to get me? And I have to wait twenty minutes for him? That’s forty minutes of waiting for me, and a lot of wasted gas. But what do you expect from Walmart employees really. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/55 "2006-03-04T05:38:46Z")
> [@davenportavenger](#): > > The more I think about this, the more upset I get at my former coworkers who lived five minutes away from me but wouldn’t take me home regularly because they’re “beat” after work. When I was working full-time and had four kids at home, that 20 minutes in the car on my way to and from work was the only time I had to myself all day long. I cherished it. I would have gladly given a co-worker a lift once in awhile, but not on a regular basis. Later on, when my life got more calm, I had riders all the time, and was glad for the company. Maybe something like that’s going on with your co-workers. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/56 "2006-03-04T05:50:49Z")
> [@Spectre of Pithecanthropus](#): > > I’ve suddenly been put into a somewhat awkward situation. Last Friday afternoon, a coworker (whom I’d never met before) knocked on my office door and asked if I’d be interested in carpooling, since she lives a couple of miles away from me. She had a printout from the company rideshare office showing generally where she lives and where I live, and it turns out she lives a little over two miles away. > > Unfortunately I can’t carpool because I workout in the mornings, which means that I leave home early and come back late, and I told her that. So she explained that she usually took the bus, which was OK in the morning, but in the evening not so much. She doesn’t want to drive because she was in a horrible accident not too long ago, and is reluctant to get behind the wheel again. And so it comes about that she only wants rides home. There are a number of people in my office who carpool to and from work and it works well for them most of the time. Were I in your situation I would try to work with the co-worker to accomodate what seems to be a reasonable request with no ulterior motives and minimal opportunity costs on my part. A large part of my reasons for wanting to help would be because of sympathy for her position with regards to the accident and her reluctance to be in that position again. Still even without that factor these small favors for each other is what makes a community strong. I would be more concerned about my own occasionally erratic schedule being an inconvenience for her than about the additional four to ten minutes a day the request may end up costing me. I’ve seen some good points brought up in the thread about checking with your insurance agent. This is for her protection and yours. Imagine the impact if someone just recovering from the psychological effects of a bad accident is in another accident AND the insurance company refuses to cover personal injury or property costs. About the only situation I can think of in which I would turn down this request is if my insurance agent said “if you let her in your car we won’t cover anything that may happen.” In that case I’d have to regretfully turn her down. Although I might actually look into getting another insurance policy because that’s a bunch of crap. Any insurance company which penalizes people for carpooling in an increasingly energy and pollution aware society should go the way of the dinosaur and I certainly wouldn’t want my dollars going to them. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/57 "2006-03-04T08:03:26Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > You don’t get the point of the whole OP, do you? > Call me crazy, but I really, truly believe that Spectre understood that it was just a ride she was asking for. Again, I may be bold for my years, but I DO believe it!!! > I think that it depends on whose situation you have been in. I have been in both, and every imaginable situation in re: rides. I think that DPAvenger and DWD need to start giving more rides to complete strangers, which appears so attractive to you, and then get on the lecture circuit. I absolutely do get the whole point of the OP, thanks much. What I don’t get is why someone would fabricate a list of imaginary scenarios (ranging from insulting to incriminating to just plain silly) that would turn this into a horrible, terrible, no-good situation. I mean what the hell do you want, a guarantee? Yeah, there _might_ be a bomb on the subway today, so I better not take it… Yeah, an airplane _might_ accidentally drop canned goods over my apartment, better not go home today… I have no fear that the OP understands exactly what it is she’s asking for. What I _do_ fear is that you’re trying to use some obviously bad experiences of your own to influence somebody who has no reason to believe that this lady will do anything like what you mentioned to him. I think it goes without saying that if she _were_ to pull the shit you mentioned, then it’s adios, my fair lady. Also, like **DPA** , I no longer have a car either because now I live in New York City… Yes, that’s right, I live in one of the most terrorist-happy cities in the world, and I’m still more optimistic about the human race than you seem to be. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/58 "2006-03-04T19:30:07Z")
Does HR have anything to do with what you all do after hours? I mean, if you are ‘off the clock’ and especially if the OP doesn’t work directly with the carpooler, what could HR care about? I go out to eat with some people I work with and make a crude joke, they can’t really make an accusation against me at work the next day, they chose to see me socially. If the OP was supervising the carpooler, then there could be an accusation of quid pro quo demands, I guess, but that could happen in the hallway at work too. I say if you stop looking for the worst in people and you might just stop seeing it. ---
**Author:** ![Keweenaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Keweenaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keweenaw)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/59 "2006-03-05T05:35:13Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > As for worrying about the fact that she’s of the opposite sex _"Honi soit qui mal y pense’_. So if the spouse was uncomfortable with it he should do it anyways? Shame on her? Is that your advice? ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346/60 "2006-03-05T15:36:42Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > Oh man, what kind of nation do we live in? > > … I tried to pay, and they genuinely refused, even though what I offered was likely a few day’s salary. > > This is the kind of kindness that makes me proud to be human. That makes life worth living. And that story is not even remotely similar to the OP. I would and have gladly helped strangers. But that type of help is not an ongoing job. If one party takes on an obligation that the other party relies upon, and there is no formal agreement and no benefit to the driver, it almost certainly will lead to hard feelings and a grumpy situation eventually. The OP is not comparable to a carpool. It is comparable to a neighbor in an apartment complex saying “I can’t clean my sink. Can you do it for me every day? It’ll just take a couple of minutes.” (Note that I agree the fears of sexual harrassment etc are vastly overblown.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/coworker-wants-ongoing-rides-home-offers-money-do-i-take-it/346346.md?page=4)