# Crabs...and not the tasty kind - TMI **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 12, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903 "2007-09-12T14:56:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/1 "2007-09-12T14:56:22Z")
OK, I’ll admit that I’m one sick puppy and sometimes really gross thoughts pop into my head. I was watching a movie where one of the characters has sex with a woman and catches crabs. My twisted mind wondered what would happen if he went down on her and he had a mustache. Would the little buggers transfer over? Now that I’ve planted that image in your minds, could someone answer this? ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/2 "2007-09-12T14:59:10Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] I was watching a movie where one of the characters has sex with a woman and catches crabs. My twisted mind wondered what would happen if he went down on her and he had a mustache. Would the little buggers transfer over? [/QUOTE] This is how my brother was busted for cheating on his first wife. The “I caught them off the toilet at work” excuse just doesn’t work when it’s facial hair. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/3 "2007-09-12T14:59:47Z")
According to [Wiki](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_louse), crabs can live in any human hair, _including mustaches_. Allow me to be the first to say (at least in this thread): eww. ETA: now that I’ve seen **Litoris** ’s contribution to the thread, let me add: eww again. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/4 "2007-09-12T15:08:43Z")
Thank you. Now I’m going to throw up. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/5 "2007-09-12T15:14:17Z")
Would getting rid of pubic lice be as easy as simply shaving the hair they live in (i.e, your pubes, or underarm hair, or moustache, or wherever they’ve decided to move in)? ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/6 "2007-09-12T15:28:54Z")
Uhm, in my defense, he is only a \*half-\*brother. And yeh, “ewwwww” was my response to the story as well. **Zoggie** – I would bet the answer to your question is “no” based on the experiences I have had with headlice on my daughter (dontcha just love elementary school?) – and crabs are just lice that prefer a warmer climate. I would wager that you would want to shave the affected area and treat it with a (maybe not so)healthy dose of anti-crotch-critter cream to be sure you got rid of it all. But then again, I donno, I never tried to shave my daughter’s head when she caught headlice, maybe that would work? ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/7 "2007-09-12T16:07:55Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] Uhm, in my defense, he is only a \*half-\*brother. And yeh, “ewwwww” was my response to the story as well. **Zoggie** – I would bet the answer to your question is “no” based on the experiences I have had with headlice on my daughter (dontcha just love elementary school?) – and crabs are just lice that prefer a warmer climate. I would wager that you would want to shave the affected area and treat it with a (maybe not so)healthy dose of anti-crotch-critter cream to be sure you got rid of it all. But then again, I donno, I never tried to shave my daughter’s head when she caught headlice, maybe that would work? [/QUOTE] You need a razor, some lighter fluid, matches and a fork. You shave half the hair and pour light fluid on the rest. You then set the hair on fire. When the lice come running out you stab them with a fork. Sorry, old joke. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/8 "2007-09-12T16:38:36Z")
Yes, a buddy of mine did pick up some facial visitors when he gave a gal an Aussie kiss, and he was able to be rid of them by clear cutting the forest neath his nose. If they get into your nasal hair, I guess it’s time to snort napalm. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/9 "2007-09-12T17:55:22Z")
Crabs=Mustache Mouse 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/10 "2007-09-12T18:07:09Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] If they get into your nasal hair, I guess it’s time to snort napalm. :eek: [/QUOTE] ARGH! I was okay with the mustache thing, but nasal hair?! Now I need brain bleach. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/11 "2007-09-12T19:29:41Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] Yes, a buddy of mine did pick up some facial visitors when he gave a gal an Aussie kiss… [/QUOTE] A very “eww yuk” thread, but I do like that new (to me, anyway) phrase. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/12 "2007-09-12T19:37:37Z")
I girl I knew in Alaska got them in her eyebrows from going down on her skuzzy boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/13 "2007-09-12T19:39:04Z")
I’m so glad I shave down there. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/14 "2007-09-12T19:40:31Z")
But that makes it hard to hunt the little buggers. Accepted procedure is to set fire to the underbrush, then stab the suckers with an ice pick as they run from the flames. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/15 "2007-09-12T19:42:00Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] You need a razor, some lighter fluid, matches and a fork. You shave half the hair and pour light fluid on the rest. You then set the hair on fire. When the lice come running out you stab them with a fork. Sorry, old joke. [/QUOTE] No, you pour beer on the area and sprinkle some sand. The little buggers get drunk and stone each other to death. Even older joke. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/16 "2007-09-12T19:43:57Z")
I saw something on the Discovery channel (I think, might have TLC or something similar) about a year ago that was about different kinds of lice. This researcher had samples of head lice, body lice, and pubic lice, and was basically running races with them on different kinds of hair (head, body, pubic) to see how well they got around. Not surprisingly, each kind of louse moved fastest on the type of hair it was adapted to. The conclusion being that if you get head lice, they’re going to stay on your head, they’re not going to migrate to other parts of your body, and same for the other types of lice. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/17 "2007-09-12T20:48:18Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] I girl I knew in Alaska got them in her eyebrows from going down on her skuzzy boyfriend. [/QUOTE] Her eyebrows?!? :eek: What did she do? She took out her glass eye and he skullfucked her? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/18 "2007-09-12T22:10:02Z")
I have heard firsthand, from a dog groomer, a story about a guy who brought the new dog to her and asked her to check the dog for crabs, because he was trying to convince his girlfriend that he got them from the dog. And no, he didn’t mean like _that_; I guess he meant like they hopped off the dog and onto him or something. To nobody’s surprise, the dog didn’t have crabs anywhere. The relationship didn’t last long past that point, I assume. Unfortunately, I can see how eyebrows are at least possible from a blowjob, if he was way hairy. Ewwwwwwww! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/19 "2007-09-12T22:32:53Z")
[QUOTE=whiterabbit] Unfortunately, I can see how eyebrows are at least possible from a blowjob, if he was way hairy. Ewwwwwwww! [/QUOTE] Yeah-I have a mental picture of some lady fellating a Yeti-esque guy and the little crabs are lined up like an airborne division awaiting their first real jump. GnySgt. Crab is perched on the end of a hair. “OK boys, wait 'til she takes it real deep…wait…wait…GO! GO! GO!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903/20 "2007-09-13T01:16:11Z")
[QUOTE=whiterabbit] I have heard firsthand, from a dog groomer, a story about a guy who brought the new dog to her and asked her to check the dog for crabs, because he was trying to convince his girlfriend that he got them from the dog. And no, he didn’t mean like _that_; I guess he meant like they hopped off the dog and onto him or something. To nobody’s surprise, the dog didn’t have crabs anywhere. The relationship didn’t last long past that point, I assume. Unfortunately, I can see how eyebrows are at least possible from a blowjob, if he was way hairy. Ewwwwwwww! [/QUOTE] Ok, this was the last straw, I have to tell _the story_. Once upon a time in the late 80’s when I was a young, drunken teenager type, I was friends with 2 sisters (let’s call them T & S). T was older, and she was hot. I mean, HAWT. She was a size 0 back then, with DD boobs, blonde hair, blue eyes and well…let’s just say, she shoulda been in porn. She was kind of a horndog, too. It’s no surprise that T was dating a (quite well-known, if only regionally) musician (we’ll call him K) a few years older. S & I were much closer than T & I, but like I said, we were all friends. I spent many drunken nights with those two. One night, I was staying over and of course, much alcohol was had by all. All being myself, T, S, and K. After a while, of course T & K slip off to T’s bedroom for some wall-pounding sex. Since T & S’s mom was cool, but not _that_ cool, K was not allowed to spend the night and went on his merry way home. Possibly an hour later, T gets a phone call from a **very** angry K. It seems that K went home and took a shower, while in the shower, he noticed that he was quite itchy where he should not be. Upon closer examination, he noticed that he had several new friends occupying his pubes. Of course, it was no surprise that he would blame T – she was known to be somewhat…promiscuous. The thing was, though, that T never cheated on K. EVER. S & I spent the evening helping T dig through her pubes looking for friends. We found exactly 1. Now, you know what we figured out – he had a host of them, she had one. Who gave what to whom? We 3 get on the phone with K and explain the situation, so he concedes that he will go in the AM to get a script from his doctor. I thought nothing more of it until a few days later when I hear [paul harvey]the rest of the story[/paul harvey]. So, K goes to the doctor. He is thoroughly confused as to how he could have gotten crabs, since he was faithful to T (a fact no one would ever have disputed). His best guess was that perhaps while spending a drunken after-gig evening at another friend’s house – who was known to be … rather skanky – perhaps he got them off the couch? Whatever. He goes to the doctor who says “uh, these aren’t crabs.” :dubious: Doctor was quite confused, and got associate to look at them. They’re not _human_ crabs, but some form of lice (fleas?) found primarily on dogs. So, the doctor has a good laugh at K’s expense about what he has been doing with strange dogs, etc. Gives him the script and sends him on his way. So the rest of the story was that K had apparently gotten his crotch critters when his new (formerly stray) pet decided post-shower was the time to jump up and give kisses. ICK! Of course, I only know about the first part of the story, and perhaps K was making up the rest of it, but knowing him, I am betting it was the truth – as improbable as it may have been. Maybe a medical-type will weigh in on this one – it’s always given me the giggles, hell, I still tease K when I see him now and then! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crabs-and-not-the-tasty-kind-tmi/418903.md?page=2)