# Cranky old fart across the street died. Etiquette? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555 "2011-11-11T01:58:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/1 "2011-11-11T01:58:45Z")
So the cranky old bastard across the street died. What do we do? Flowers? Card? Our oven is fucked, so a casserole is out of the question. What is the neighborly protical in this situation? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/2 "2011-11-11T02:23:56Z")
Whatever you do, it’s for the remaining family, not the cranky old bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/3 "2011-11-11T02:27:59Z")
Did you know his family? If not, I don’t think you need to do anything beyond expressing your condolences if you happen to see them. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/4 "2011-11-11T03:07:43Z")
Maxine condolence card. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/5 "2011-11-11T03:09:55Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > Maxine condolence card. Is it live, or is it … oh, wait, you said _Maxine._ ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/6 "2011-11-11T03:11:35Z")
You can always get a deli tray for the family, or check the obituary to see if he had a favorite charity. A lot of people like plants; to me they’re just a reminder of the death so I wasn’t fond of them for myself. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/7 "2011-11-11T05:27:23Z")
Why do you have to do anything? Were you friendly with the family? ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/8 "2011-11-11T10:13:51Z")
Depends on your relationship to the family. Did he live alone? Then you probably don’t even know them. Are they your neighbors too? Then you have this escalating scale, depending on how well you know them. These are in order of how well you know them/want to help, not in the order you would do them. The meal would normally come before the funeral. A card would be sent immediately. Flowers are usually sent to the funeral home but could be sent to the residence. Card Flowers Attend the funeral Visit the home Ready-to-eat or -heat meal. (The appropriateness of this probably varies according to local custom–small towns are probably more intimate than big suburbs.) ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/9 "2011-11-11T12:18:56Z")
Not a General Question. Moved to our opinion forum, IMHO. **samclem** , Moderator ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/10 "2011-11-11T12:35:48Z")
We waved occasionally, and his wife and daughter occasionally chatted when we got the mail together. I think we’ll opt for card and condolences. Thanks, everybody. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/11 "2011-11-11T13:28:51Z")
Flaming bag of poo on the doorstep. It’s the only way to be sure he’s not just dicking with you. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/12 "2011-11-11T15:40:08Z")
When the nosy old busybody across the street from me died I wondered what I could do that would be appropriate. I drank a beer. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/13 "2011-11-11T15:54:57Z")
Wait until the body has been removed before scavenging through his stuff. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/14 "2011-11-11T16:34:48Z")
Uncuff him from the radiator, take the ball gag out of his mouth, and try to make it look like an accident. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/15 "2011-11-11T16:55:07Z")
Well, you’re finally free to go play on his lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/16 "2011-11-11T22:40:36Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Flaming bag of poo on the doorstep. It’s the only way to be sure he’s not just dicking with you. But put a card with it in case he isn’t. When my grandmother’s neighbor died she sent the woman’s daughter a Christmas card with the Christmas greeting scratched out and “Sorry your mother died” written over it. True story: inside she enclosed a letter and a list of items the neighbor (an 80 year old legally blind stroke victim) had stolen from her house over the past 4 decades or so. I mention because I wouldn’t recommend that. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/17 "2011-11-12T03:48:39Z")
I’d send a card and if I saw the family, I’d say something polite. Its not for the meat, its for the survivors. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2011, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/18 "2011-11-12T07:40:17Z")
Try not to dance out in the front yard. Other than that restraint, you don’t owe nobody nothin’. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2011, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/19 "2011-11-12T08:19:58Z")
I’d go with just a regular condolence card to his address. Either that, or find some black crepe paper and roll his trees with it, if he has any. I’m just kidding, of course. Go with the card. That’s nice enough. Q ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2011, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555/20 "2011-11-12T12:32:20Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > Uncuff him from the radiator, take the ball gag out of his mouth, and try to make it look like an accident. I’ve been on these boards for a long, long time and I’m fairly sure this is my favorite post ever. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cranky-old-fart-across-the-street-died-etiquette/602555.md?page=2)