# Crap future X-men movie mutants
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [March 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708 "2003-03-28T04:38:04Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/1 "2003-03-28T04:38:04Z")
I misunderstood the meaning of “Cast future X-men movie mutants” and posted my misunderstanding there. I apologise to the OP of that OP.
I decided to do a thread with my idea of X-men mutants - Crap fake mutants with powers that class them as mutants but which aren’t much good. Such as being able to make your hands turn blue, or being very slightly magnetic.
So what are your ideas for Crap x-men?
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/2 "2003-03-28T05:06:33Z")
Manhattan Man: able to lash out at posters at the speed of light.
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### Author:  [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/3 "2003-03-28T05:07:54Z")
…and swearing a lot while he’s at it.
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### Author:  [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/4 "2003-03-28T05:12:38Z")
A mutant with the ability to communicate with kitchen appliances. Of course, kitchen appliances typically don’t have much to say, so this mutant wouldn’t be very useful.
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### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/5 "2003-03-28T05:16:46Z")
The ability to differentiate butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” by taste.
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### Author:  [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/6 "2003-03-28T05:24:08Z")
“Breeze”-- can create a mild zephyr
“Ogle”-- extra eyes give him 360-degree vision\*
“Grapple”-- able to hyperextend his own tendons
“Filch”-- can teleport any object, up to 1/8 lb.
“Fuzz”–has elemental control over lint
“Jingles”–can get rid of that song running through your head
“Wobbler”-- can induce an inner ear infection by sheer willpower
“Woodwose”-- covered with splinters, secretes pine tar
\*including a little one on the end of his finger, enabling him to see around corners
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### Author:  [@Simbelmyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simbelmyne)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/7 "2003-03-28T05:35:50Z")
He’s super-absorbent, yet discreet.
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### Author:  [@Badge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badge)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/8 "2003-03-28T06:15:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Terrifel \*
> \*\*“Jingles”–can get rid of that song running through your head
> \*\*
This guy could go into business _ **and make millions!** _
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/9 "2003-03-28T06:23:01Z")
Ability to cause relevant adverts to come on the TV when thinking about them.
That is me. I was just wondering why people sometimes ask to wear other people’s glasses when glasses are supposed to be unique to the owner, then I thought about the advert where the guy enters a cafe and gets his eyes tested, then is given glasses. seconds after having that thought - the advert came on TV.
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### Author:  [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/10 "2003-03-28T06:59:05Z")
The power that Counselor Troi displayed on Star Trek.
Isn’t she kind of the QUEEN of the crap mutants? 🙂
Possible scene from “X-Men 2”:
Wolverine: So, would you like to tell us why all the
major anti-mutant figures in the country
are meeting in this one little cabin
in the middle of nowhere, bub? (snick!)
Senator Gyrich: NO! I mean, uh, no reason…
Just, er, coincidence, I suppose.
Just a bunch of guys… out for, uh,
a hunting trip? Yeah… why not?
Funny how things happen sometimes…
Troi: I think… he’s hiding something.
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### Author:  [@cankerist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cankerist)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/11 "2003-03-28T07:35:14Z")
Infernax - has the ability to make his skin become uncomfortably warm.
Chronomon - always knows the precise time to the millisecond.
Persuader - can force others to yawn without fail, by yawning at them.
Stabilitron - can prevent anything within a 5 foot radius from his location from being sucked into another dimension.
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### Author:  [@cankerist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cankerist)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/12 "2003-03-28T07:58:10Z")
Love this thread Lobsang!
Jamais vu - can instantly neutralize the effects of Deja vu.
Bestia - is an acquaintance to all animals, and can rely on them … well, not to actually help him, but to at least acknowledge him at parties.
Psychomortis - can psychically detect the imminent approach of his own death.
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### Author:  [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/13 "2003-03-28T08:00:01Z")
**Meta** - a mutant with the ability to turn normal people into mutants, but their only ability would be the ability to turn other people into mutants.
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### Author:  [@AzRaek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AzRaek)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/14 "2003-03-28T08:08:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \*
> \*\ ***Meta** - a mutant with the ability to turn normal people into mutants, but their only ability would be the ability to turn other people into mutants. \*\*
His alternate name? **Amway**
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### Author:  [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/15 "2003-03-28T08:10:59Z")
Squirrel Girl- has the awesome power to make squirrels do her bidding.
The Paper- can make origami cranes that fly and give you nasty paper cuts.
Narcoleptoiac- can fall asleep any time, anywhere, no matter what the noise or light level.
Gunman- a guy with a gun.
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### Author:  [@Donut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donut)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/16 "2003-03-28T08:13:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by Terrifel_
> “Ogle”-- extra eyes give him 360-degree vision\*
> \*including a little one on the end of his finger, enabling him to see around corners
DC apparently thought that this was a useful power. Behold, [Ten-Eyed-Man](http://www.seanbaby.com/stupcom/10eyedman.htm)! (Powers: Tragically hilarious).
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### Author:  [@cankerist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cankerist)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/17 "2003-03-28T08:18:06Z")
Yuri - can make people believe that he can bend forks with his mind (no really! he can!)
Gaydar - can intuit anyone’s sexuality with a greater than 75% rate of accuracy.
The Flash - can turn invisible for up to 2 seconds at a time.
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### Author:  [@cankerist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cankerist)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/18 "2003-03-28T08:26:54Z")
The Chameleon - can rotate her eyeballs independently.
The Shadow - gets taller as the day goes on.
Speed - never needs to sleep (but looks pretty haggard)
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### Author:  [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/19 "2003-03-28T08:46:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> The Flash - can turn invisible for up to 2 seconds at a time.
Or, what about “can turn his clothing invisible for 2 seconds at a time?”
Or would that be The Flasher?
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### Author:  [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2003, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/20 "2003-03-28T08:56:33Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \*
> Squirrel Girl- has the awesome power to make squirrels do her bidding.
[Already done.](http://www.geocities.com/druj_nasu/) :eek:
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