# Crap future X-men movie mutants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708 "2003-03-28T04:38:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/221 "2003-05-17T18:18:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ChaosGod \* > \*\*Captain DeadHorse -\> Can post on this thread forever \*\* He’s not much of a superhero, though – _everybody_ beats him, especially around here… ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/222 "2003-05-18T02:35:24Z")
\<\<8 Ball - Can generate a random response to any question, provided the query is in the form of a yes/no question. Has a drug problem.\>\> This was done in the Marvel B-Sides (did that last beyond the first issue?). Her name was Fateball. And I love The MacDairmuid’s Collator. best. but “Collator”, is mutants name one other people several submitted the the this with I submit Little Emily - who’s whining is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear her. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/223 "2003-05-21T00:08:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yllaria \* > **And I love The MacDairmuid’s Collator. best. but “Collator”, is mutants name one other people several submitted the the this with** Oh, no! Look at that sentence! All the words appear to be out of order! If only **Collator** were here! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/224 "2003-05-21T00:20:02Z")
Trebekman: If you tell him anything, he instantly comes up with a question you have just answered. To wit - “He’s going use that device to turn everyone into mutants!” “What is ‘Magneto’s evil plan?’” Captain Diuretic: Able to make anyone very suddenly have to do #1. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/225 "2003-05-21T01:48:49Z")
**The Bisonator:** Has the ability to whip anyone’s butt at **Street Fighter**. But only if he’s using M. Bison. **Lady Abilene:** A mere thought from her can make ALL of your bedding feel just like the nice, cool other side of the pillow!\* **Lord Shoeburyness:** Abilene’s twin brother. Can raise the temperature of any seat so that it feels like it’s been recently warmed by someone else’s bottom. Uses his powers to disrupt the monthly meetings at the Legion Clubhouse by making everyone too uncomfortable to keep sitting down.\* **The Phantom Slasher** : Able to imagine and create convoluted justifications for pairings between any same-sex characters/creatures from fictional works, no matter how repugnant and/or outlandish and/or canonically contradicting they are. **Kid Yaoi:** The Phantom Slasher’s non-mutant sidekick. Provides support to the Slasher by rabidly insisting that the pairings are in fact officially intended by the creative forces behind the fictional works. “Ignorant buttmuncher! Leon Kennedy and Mr. X are so TOTALLY hot for each other! Get 'em, Slash!” \*Inspired by Douglas Adams’ _Meaning of Liff_. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/226 "2003-05-21T02:04:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MineFujiko \* > Lord Shoeburyness: Abilene’s twin brother. Can raise the temperature of any seat so that it feels like it’s been recently warmed by someone else’s bottom. Uses his powers to disrupt the monthly meetings at the **Legion Clubhouse** by making everyone too uncomfortable to keep sitting down. Which would make him a LEGIONNAIRE and a DC CHARACTER, damn me. I guess he and Abilene are Hellfire Club candidates or something. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/227 "2003-05-21T02:39:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posed by X~Slayer(ALE)_ > \*Has erection of living metal. That would be [Tetsuo, the Iron Man.](http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/film_review.asp?ID=414) Or Colossus, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/228 "2003-05-23T04:57:45Z")
**The Ascender.** He can fly – but only butt-first. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/229 "2003-05-23T15:35:07Z")
**Mister Transcendental** : By folding his legs in the Lotus position, he can levitate – but only when no skeptics are looking at him. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/230 "2003-05-23T17:40:11Z")
The Pope: People within 100 yards of him find it impossible to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/231 "2003-05-23T18:01:43Z")
**X-Foliator** : Sheds a fine mist of dried, dead skin cells at will. Friend to dust mites everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/232 "2003-05-23T22:06:03Z")
I’ll bet Marvel Comics has already taken out a Trademark on the name X-Foliator. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/233 "2003-05-23T22:44:45Z")
**Dork Phoenix!** : Mutant endurance allows his **MUMBLEMPFFF _koff!_ _koff!_** to rise again and again and again… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > I’ll bet Marvel Comics has already taken out a Trademark on the name X-Foliator. I think it might be interesting if Marvel did a series of humorous one-shots about mutant teams or groups that are not in the superheroing business. Like a beauty salon run by mutants (X-Foliator would be an employee), or a country and western bar, or mutant iron chefs… And I strongly suspect I’m the _only_ person who would find this neat. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/234 "2003-05-23T23:00:50Z")
**Mutant Auto Repair** CHIEF MECHANIC: “Hey, Scott, couldja look at the timing chain on the '94 Buick?” SCOTT: “Sure thing, boss.” \<\<\<\<\< BLAM!!! \>\>\>\>\> CHIEF MECHANIC: “Damn it, Summers! That’s the second one this week!” SCOTT: “But I can’t look at it very well without taking my sunglasses off!” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/235 "2003-05-23T23:25:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\ ***Mutant Auto Repair** > CHIEF MECHANIC: “Hey, Scott, couldja look at the timing chain on the '94 Buick?” > > SCOTT: “Sure thing, boss.” > > \<\<\<\<\< BLAM!!! \>\>\>\>\> > > CHIEF MECHANIC: “Damn it, Summers! That’s the second one this week!” > > SCOTT: “But I can’t look at it very well without taking my sunglasses off!” \*\* Cute! 😃 **Stan Lee Presents: WHAT IF… The X-Men Had to Find Real Employment?** ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/236 "2003-05-24T02:09:48Z")
Mutants could come in real handy for a department store’s Customer Service department: CUSTOMER: “This VCR won’t record.” WOLVERINE: **SNIKT** “You got a problem with that?” ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/237 "2003-05-24T03:53:08Z")
Banshee would, of course, simply go into pop music, where high-pitched shrieking is the order of the day. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ChaosGod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@ChaosGod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChaosGod)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/238 "2003-05-24T18:29:35Z")
I think the sound is more like: _SHINK_ ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/239 "2003-05-24T22:00:53Z")
> [@](#): > > And I strongly suspect I’m the only person who would find this neat. I think I’d really dig it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/240 "2003-05-27T21:30:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ChaosGod \* > \*\*I think the sound is more like: _SHINK_ \*\* Tsk tsk tsk, obviously not a comics reader. Throughout Wolverine’s history in Marvel comics, the sound effect that accompanied the extension of his claws was “SNIKT.” (Just like how the sound effect that accompanied Nightcrawler’s teleporting was always “BAMF”.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708.md?page=13)