# Crap future X-men movie mutants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708 "2003-03-28T04:38:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![ChaosGod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@ChaosGod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChaosGod)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/241 "2003-05-28T02:02:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*Tsk tsk tsk, obviously not a comics reader. > Throughout Wolverine’s history in Marvel comics, the sound effect that accompanied the extension of his claws was “SNIKT.” \*\* My apologies. I haven’t paid much attention to written “sound effects” since the Batman TV series. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/242 "2003-05-28T02:30:55Z")
**The Unparalelled.** Able to make parallel lines converge, whether they want to or not. **The Electric Sponge** Doesn’t really have any powers, just a cool name. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/243 "2003-05-28T06:27:59Z")
**Hookah:** Her head is ringed with numerous organic marpuçs (complete with mouthpieces) that secrete pleasantly flavored tobacco-like compounds. Dresses even more skimpily than Phantom Lady. **The Human Luge:** Can alter the friction of his back and sides in order to coast down inclines at insane speeds. Popular with children and ladies. Okay, I better stop. But please don’t let me be the threadkiller, pleeeeeease? ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/244 "2003-05-28T11:47:36Z")
I just read a good one by **GMRyujin** in the [procrastination thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=170977) in [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3162546#post3162546): > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*Is it just me, or does Effexor sound like a villian in a B movie? > > “And so, Effexor, I see you wield the Staff of Procrastination!” > “I would, but I just don’t feel like it.” \*\* Hence: **Effexor** , having amazing powers of procrastination, but never gets around to actually using them. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/245 "2003-05-29T00:36:07Z")
Heh. **The Procrastinator** – saving the world tomorrow! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/246 "2003-05-29T00:55:15Z")
😃 Sorry, but- **The Tracer** : Able to copy the outline of any object with perfect accuracy. Provided he has enough tracing paper. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/247 "2003-05-29T00:55:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*Heh. **The Procrastinator** – saving the world tomorrow! \*\* Isn’t that a Discworld device for stopping time, used by, amongst others, **Lobsang**? ---
**Author:** ![jim9000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jim9000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jim9000)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/248 "2003-06-09T16:13:33Z")
How about Gotcha, The Boy Hostage - a superhero sidekick with the uncanny ability to fall into the villan’s traps no matter how feeble and obvious. On second thoughts, nobody would really consider a character like this… ---
**Author:** ![jim9000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jim9000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jim9000)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/249 "2003-06-09T16:24:00Z")
Gullible Man - always believes the last person he spoke to. Come to think of it, this isn’t too uncommon a mutation really… Nearly Man - the power to always miss by _that much_…Has trouble eating and drinking… Wears waterproof and easily wiped down costume. Shutdown - has the uncanny power to cause Windows to shutdown properly…every time! (some things are just _too_ improbable). ---
**Author:** ![Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/2bfe46/32.png) [@Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/250 "2003-06-09T23:14:46Z")
**Alfred Gibbels** : Can pronounce his name correctly, and, in an instant, can make other people mis-pronounce his name through the power of _his mind_. **The Tri-angulator** : Can draw a perfect equalateral triangle, but each of the equal sides must be no longer 1cm. **Packet-man** : Can reveal the type of object inside of a packet. But only has a 95% range of accuracy, and this is limited to packets of peanuts. **Crap-saver** : Can instantly recall the exact quantities of faecal waste that has run through the sewage system of a house and advise the owners the best and safest methods of disposing of this waste if they were to not have a drainage-pipe system. **Red-neck** : Can make his neck as red as can be when he is hot, sweaty or angry. **Ugly-as-all-day** : Remains astonishingly ugly for the majority of the day, except for a five-minute period when she has to go to the bathroom. Then, if she finishes her doo-doo early, she may remain beautiful for the remainder of however many minutes she has got left so long as there is a roll of toilet-paper stuck up her butt as she walks out of the toilet. However this must remain visible for all to see. **Mechanical-laugher** : Can laugh at any joke… however pointless or un-understandable. **Yabba the butt** : Has the unique ability to make farts which send people to their nearest local diners and order the Sunday special. ---
**Author:** ![jim9000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jim9000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jim9000)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/251 "2003-06-10T11:41:19Z")
Schroedinger’s Cat - super powered feline with the ability to drop dead or come alive when looked at by someone. Never really certain about anything. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/252 "2003-06-11T07:29:58Z")
Schrodinger’s cat would also have to be REALLY annoyed whenever he is observed by anybody. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/253 "2003-06-11T10:34:05Z")
The Beutician - Able to change grey hair to any color Panda Man - Able to chew through the toughest of bamboo Bachelor Man - Able to watch mindless television for 142 hours straight and subsist on nothing but pizza and beer. His only weakness is cleaning supplies. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708.md?page=12)