# Crap future X-men movie mutants **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 28, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708 "2003-03-28T04:38:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/161 "2003-04-18T18:47:59Z")
**Iron Man** - He’s made entirely of iron. He can’t move or anything, because a big hunk of iron isn’t going to just move on its own. He’s really just a lifesized iron statue. ---
**Author:** ![Kallisti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@Kallisti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallisti)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/162 "2003-04-19T18:59:51Z")
He appears as a normal checker in a grocery store, but when someone tries to go through the Express lane with more than the 10 item limit, he pulls out a chainsaw and guts them. ---
**Author:** ![WonTon\_Sean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WonTon\_Sean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WonTon_Sean)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/163 "2003-04-19T23:15:03Z")
Manman - Bestowed by the gods the incredible powers of … a man! The Human Ragdoll - Has no muscle, just a floppy guy. X-treme Heartburn Soldier - Always has really bad heartburn. Crybaby. The Fanboy - Knows every mundane fact about Star Wars/Trek, LOTR, Comics … nobody likes him. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/164 "2003-04-19T23:25:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallisti \* > \*\*He appears as a normal checker in a grocery store, but when someone tries to go through the Express lane with more than the 10 item limit, he pulls out a chainsaw and guts them. \*\* But do 14 identical cans of tuna fish count as one item or 14 items? Kinda important to know if you don’t want to get chainsawed. ---
**Author:** ![Anyonghaseyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Anyonghaseyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anyonghaseyo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/165 "2003-04-20T11:37:34Z")
Kafkaman - Over an agonizingly long time, he can metamorphose into a cockroach. Turning back is another problem… Heisenberg Woman - You never can tell exactly where she is and exactly how fast she is going at the same time. The Incredible Orgasim - Can spontaneously climax, but only at the most innap… oh OH OH HOLY CRAP!!! Intox “I Love You!” Man - He can spontaneously become drunk, without imbuing a single drop of alcohol. Pothead “Look at my Hand!” Dude - Intox’s side-kick, he can become high without smoking a single bud. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/166 "2003-04-20T12:09:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anyonghaseyo \* > **The Incredible Orgasim - Can spontaneously climax, but only at the most innap… oh OH OH HOLY CRAP!!!** Been done – Rob Schneider on Saturday Night Live. ---
**Author:** ![Anyonghaseyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Anyonghaseyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anyonghaseyo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/167 "2003-04-20T14:42:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Been done – Rob Schneider on Saturday Night Live. \*\* Well, gee, sorry! Haven’t watched that show since the Bush Sr. Administration… ---
**Author:** ![Anyonghaseyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Anyonghaseyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anyonghaseyo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/168 "2003-04-20T15:04:29Z")
Seriously, people are going to come up with ideas that have been done before, it’s just the way minds work. Anyways, here’s some more… **Danger Pointer** - He can point out blatenly obvious dangerous events a few moments before they hit. He can’t do anything about it, just point at it, saying “Look, there’s danger!” **Pi Noon** - Can accurately recite the first three thousand digits of pi if he starts at exactly 12 noon. **Deja Vu** - Can induce a mild feeling of _deja vu_ in his enemies. **Murphy** - Any thing bad that can happen to him, will (and at the worst possible time). ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/169 "2003-04-20T19:31:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WonTon Sean \* > **Manman - Bestowed by the gods the incredible powers of … a man!** That reminds me of **Batbat** , who occasionally appeared on episodes of the Ralph Bakshi _Mighty Mouse_. **Batbat** was a bat who dressed up in a bat costume to fight crime. He drove around in the Manmobile, which had four hairy human legs instead of wheels. ---
**Author:** ![sciguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@sciguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciguy)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/170 "2003-04-20T19:43:01Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Anyonghaseyo \* > \*\* > Danger Pointer - He can point out blatenly obvious dangerous events a few moments before they hit. He can’t do anything about it, just point at it, saying “Look, there’s danger!”_\* Based on some superhero comics/cartoons I’ve seen, _every_ team should have this guy. 🙂 **The Collater** - Can sort any paper pages that are out of order inhumanly fast. **Anal Annie** - Can remove loose threads from other heros’ costumes _with her mind_! **Easter Bunny** - Knows all the secret items/locations/features of every computer or video game. Also has a fluffy cotton tail. **Altoid** - Can make anyone’s breath minty fresh. He’s also curiously strong. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/171 "2003-04-20T20:24:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sciguy \* > **Anal Annie** - Can remove loose threads from other heros’ costumes _with her mind_! Plus, she doubles as a porn star. ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/172 "2003-05-06T01:17:16Z")
**Anti-Histaman** – helps with your allergies but makes you drowsy ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/173 "2003-05-06T01:20:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anyonghaseyo \* > **Deja Vu** - Can induce a mild feeling of _deja vu_ in his enemies. > > \*\* Actually, I’m partial to **Vuja de** : can induce the feeling that this has never happened to you before. Temporary intrigue & ensuing pause to think about it in enemies helpful in combat (run away!). ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/174 "2003-05-06T01:20:57Z")
And, in an ironic twist of life imitating art, **the new X-Men movie REALLY DOES have some new, crappy, useless mutants in it!!** Such as:[ul][li]A boy whose tongue looks _reptilian_ when he sticks it out! And[/li]A kid who can change the channels on a TV set in the same room with him – _with his mind!_[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/175 "2003-05-06T10:03:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Peg \* > \*\*Actually, I’m partial to **Vuja de** : can induce the feeling that this has never happened to you before. Temporary intrigue & ensuing pause to think about it in enemies helpful in combat (run away!). \*\* [hijack] Technically, this phenomenon is properly called **jamais vu** , the illusory sensation of never having previously encountered what should be a familiar situation or setting. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/176 "2003-05-06T15:01:10Z")
Yeah, but George Carlin called it **vuja de.** And after all, who’re you gonna believe? A stuffy old clinical psychology textbook, or George Carlin? ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/177 "2003-05-06T16:51:55Z")
Worryman: Makes people nervous, since he’s so useless. ---
**Author:** ![cabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@cabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/178 "2003-05-06T17:38:51Z")
**SmellULator** : Has the ability to smell one hour into the future! **PainRoid** : Can induce painful itching and burning in any hemorrhoid within a 100 yard radius. ---
**Author:** ![FabioClone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5f8ce5/32.png) [@FabioClone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FabioClone)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/179 "2003-05-06T20:10:23Z")
**The Threadmeister** Has the awesome ability to think up lame superpowers. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708/180 "2003-05-06T22:29:28Z")
Tanman- Has the ability to make his whole body go slightly browner for a short period of time. George - The ability to cause his own left ear to itch slightly. Mr limp - Able to cause people in close proximity (i.e. about an inch away) to have an acute limp. suismo - does not feel pleasure when sneezing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-future-x-men-movie-mutants/164708.md?page=10)