# Crap. I Think Someone is Trying to Seduce Me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389 "2007-09-07T17:53:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/61 "2007-09-08T03:15:36Z")
That is freaky. Damn, it can be a scary world out there at times. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/62 "2007-09-08T03:56:22Z")
Thanks everybody. I talked to my husband about it–he agreed that guy’s behavior was very sketchy, and says I don’t have to play nice out of guilt. He told me to trust my instincts. I’m not answering the door any more, and Mr. Olives plans on confronting him soon. My husband is a man who is slow to react–but the more time passes, the more it’s starting to get under his skin. I’m glad he’s got my back on this. I would not want to deal with it by myself. ETA: Thanks for a book recommendation, Brassy. I’d probably be a prime candidate for that kind of manipulation. _shudders_ ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/63 "2007-09-08T04:19:08Z")
Gah. GAH!! I’m too late to this party to do more than second what the other folks have said about trusting your instincts, to commend you on the great guy you married and who is taking good care of you, and to ask if you’ll please come back and report what happens when Mr. Olives tells the guy to get lost. God, I hate creeps like that. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/64 "2007-09-08T05:51:34Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Probably something along the lines of “If I ever hear from my wife again that you are trying to fuck with her, I will push nails into every opening in your body.” Sometimes being subtle doesn’t work. [/QUOTE] Mr. Rilch to ex-friend: “You’re one grope away from getting a titanium driver to the head.” And I third the recommendation of **The Gift of Fear**. ---
**Author:** ![Zambini57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4491bb/32.png) [@Zambini57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zambini57)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/65 "2007-09-08T08:34:17Z")
Maybe just say something like " I can’t talk to you anymore while my husband is not around. He can be VERY jealous, and I don’t want THAT to happen AGAIN." -Implied threat. -Husband doesn’t have to confront personally, which could lead to all types of complications. Especially since he lives right next door. If it was co-worker who lived far away, then a confrontation by your husband while he picked you up from work would be OK. -Doesn’t humiliate the guy, which could also be dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/66 "2007-09-08T08:38:28Z")
But if her husband’s not jealous, and in fact, even if he is, that’s still no one else’s business. Why slander him when it’s the other guy who’s out of line? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/67 "2007-09-08T09:07:16Z")
Call animal control – they will trap him and either find him a good home or else euthanise him. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/68 "2007-09-08T12:16:47Z")
I think avoiding him and not answering your door are good plans. If he confronts you as to why you won’t answer the door/phone, as I’m sure he will because he seems very pushy, I’d just say, “Don’t take it personally; I’m just taking advantage of some alone time.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/69 "2007-09-08T12:40:30Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Call animal control – they will trap him and either find him a good home or else euthanise him. [/QUOTE] I hope they neuter him first. I keep repeating: Don’t try to be nice. Don’t try to be polite. Don’t try to be coy and sweet and act like a lady. Give him hell and make sure he gets the message. We had an idiot working here who liked to sneak up on the women and give them a big bear hug. The first time he did it to me I shoved him into the nearest available wall! He never did that again. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/70 "2007-09-08T12:49:45Z")
[QUOTE=BrassyPhrase] Him: I have a problem with my car, can you help me? me: \ Sure, what do you need, a jump? \ him: no I need you to to sit inside and hold the door button down so it will lock I’ve never been that naive, but still, I backed away from him and was very “get away from me, NOW” Him: oh, you aren’t going to help me? You’re mean! me: Get away from from me, there are men in there\ that will help you with your car. him: So you’re a mean bitch? me: Yes I am! Got in my car and screeched out. Cried and freaked the whole way home. But not afraid of seeming like a bitch. 🙂 No woman should in situations like that. 🙂 [/QUOTE] I was in college, working at a clothing store, and as I was leaving I was approached by a guy who asked if I knew where to get a haircut. As it so happened, there was a salon in the back of the store where I worked, so I pointed it out to him. For some reason, that wasn’t good enough, and he wanted me to give him a ride down the road. I told him I was getting ready to run errands and couldn’t take the time. I thought it a little odd at the time, but now I realize if I had let this guy get in my car… :eek: > [@Zambini57](#): > > Maybe just say something like " I can’t talk to you anymore while my husband is not around. He can be VERY jealous, and I don’t want THAT to happen AGAIN." That implies that except for her husband’s jealousy, she would be open to the type of relationship the guy wants. It doesn’t address the crux of the situation, which is this guy is making her EXTREMELY uncomfortable and is way out of line. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/71 "2007-09-08T12:53:51Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] And I third the recommendation of **The Gift of Fear**. [/QUOTE] That is an excellent, excellent book. I may get a copy for my mom for her birthday on Sunday, thanks for the reminder. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/72 "2007-09-08T18:52:50Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I keep repeating: Don’t try to be nice. Don’t try to be polite. Don’t try to be coy and sweet and act like a lady. Give him hell and make sure he gets the message. [/quote] I wanted to repeat this. You don’t have any reason to be nice to this guy. His behavior was wrong. Always trust your instincts. Be prepared, though, for him to deny doing anything inappropriate. People like this always try to be just vague enough that they can deny any wrongdoing and leave doubt in the potential victim’s mind. You’ll start to wonder if you were reading the signals wrong, leaving him an opening to try again. > [@](#): > > A guy approached me. > [@](#): > > as I was leaving I was approached by a guy I think the one thing that’s always helped me was keeping in mind the predator mindset. Lions and tigers don’t just sit around waiting for the prey to wander by. They go out in search of it. Human predators act the same way. (Not that every strange man who walks up to a woman is out to hurt her, of course.) ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/73 "2007-09-08T19:02:40Z")
I remember an episode of _Designing Women_ where Mary Jo was mugged and the ladies talked her into taking a self-defense course. She was still freaked out by what happened, and left the class in the middle. Later as she’s leaving a job she’s joined by a strange guy in an elevator in a deserted parking lot and ends up screaming her bloody head off when he tries to talk to her. She’s humiliated when it turns out the guy was a potential client who had recognized her, and she tried to apologize. The guy brushed her off, saying he should have known better than to approach her in a deserted parking lot, and he apologized for scaring her. Point is, I think many guys are cognizant of situations where a woman might be frightened, and most know better. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/74 "2007-09-08T19:30:01Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] I remember an episode of _Designing Women_ where Mary Jo was mugged and the ladies talked her into taking a self-defense course. She was still freaked out by what happened, and left the class in the middle. Later as she’s leaving a job she’s joined by a strange guy in an elevator in a deserted parking lot and ends up screaming her bloody head off when he tries to talk to her. She’s humiliated when it turns out the guy was a potential client who had recognized her, and she tried to apologize. The guy brushed her off, saying he should have known better than to approach her in a deserted parking lot, and he apologized for scaring her. [/QUOTE] The guy also said he would want his wife and daughters to act the same way in a similar situation. After Ann Rule published “The Stranger Beside Me,” her book about her friend Ted Bundy, she heard from many women who told her they had been approached by Bundy, but their instinct told them there was something creepy about him and to get away from him. While some may be mistaken, it’s estimated that serial killers are only successful with about 10% of the women they approach. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/75 "2007-09-08T22:06:01Z")
So, bottom line, **olives** , trust your instincts, and don’t worry about appearing rude or unneighborly. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/76 "2007-09-10T14:38:47Z")
I have a copy of The Gift of Fear, but I’ve never read it. I’m going to now. A former co-worker a few years ago made what I felt were advances. I confronted him and he denied it. Fortunately he left and I don’t have to deal with it, but at the time I thought, “this makes me uncomfortable for a REASON. I don’t have to put up with this shit.” ---
**Author:** ![starryspice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@starryspice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starryspice)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/77 "2007-09-10T16:40:31Z")
One night, I was walking home at around midnight from a friend’s house. I didn’t live in a horrible neighborhood, but it wasn’t great either, so I was alert. A block ahead of me, I noticed an absolutely huge African American man walking on the sidewalk in my direction. He was well over 6 feet and built like a body builder. I wasn’t sure what to do - cross the street, or keep walking and keep cool. About half a block away, he crossed the street, passed me and kept walking. In other words, I’m fairly certain he knew his appearance was scary at midnight to an 20-year old girl and he took steps to avoid scaring me. I really appreciated that. I guess my point is that nice guys are aware of their appearance and their actions and will take steps to avoid making a woman uncomfortable. Any guy that doesn’t respect your personal space and makes you uncomfortable is not worthy of your time or your niceness. I think your decision to not answer the door is a good one and I think your husband sounds like great guy :). Also, I think it’s good that you trusted your instincts and got him out of your apartment - you did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/78 "2007-09-10T18:09:52Z")
Yeah, my husband called him and left a message that said, ‘‘This is Olives’ husband, I know what you did, do not ever come over to the apartment again or we will pursue every legal avenue we have, and I will tell your wife. We don’t want an apology, we just want to never speak to you again.’’ I suppose there is no guarantee he received that message, but enough time has passed that I would feel comfortable just saying, ‘‘I don’t want to talk about it, please just leave me alone,’’ if he ever were to confront me outside the apartment. And I’m not answering the door. I think that’s just a good rule of thumb in general, unless it’s, you know, UPS at the door. I’m planning on reading _The Gift of Fear_. It occurred to me that this concept of always needing to be ‘‘nice’’ has impacted my life in multiple ways–for example, how easily I go for sales pitches because I feel guilty for wasting their time. I once let a telemarketer talk me into getting 6 magazine subscriptions. I’m still paying for them even though I don’t receive the magazines anymore! I could use some aggressiveness training–to just be able to say ‘‘no’’ and walk away, guilt-free. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/79 "2007-09-10T18:26:27Z")
Ellen’s Tip 'o the Day, **olives** , regarding telemarketers: simply hang up. The way I look at it, you’re doing them a favor. You’re under no obligation to talk to them, after all. They called you and it’s your phone, you can do what you want with it. So _hang it up_. I always say, “sorry, I’m not interested, good-bye!” and then hang up. It’s a little tough the first time, but now it’s so freeing! Whee! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389/80 "2007-09-10T18:49:38Z")
I’m glad your husband supported you in this. (I’ve been in similar circs and mine has not–of course, then the masher was his uncle, but still. Uncle tried this smarmy shit on my daughter–not pedophile stuff, just pawing and borderline remarks, and I quickly put an end to it. He is not welcome in this house). I will also get a copy of that book for my daughter, who is off to college in a year. I once had a slightly similar situation occur. I was in the mall, looking for a present for my husband. I left and went to my car. I am fairly observant and “street savy”, but this punk came up behind me. He tried to grab my arm as he stuck his tongue out and licked his lips very suggestively. I moved quickly away from him (thank god for remote openers) and was in my car, with the door locked in a flash. He was unzipping his fly at this point. (this is scrawny, pimply white teenager–I’m about 30 years old when this happened). I peeled out-not sure if I ran over his foot. The creep thing about this was that the cop said that this creep probably marked me in the mall and followed me around and out to my car. Sweet Christ. Of course trust your instincts, **olive** , but don’t let this rule your life either. May I suggest an assertiveness training workshop? It might do wonders (and will work on the fundie female in the complex). I’m to the point with the Jehovah’s Witnesses that I smile and say no, thanks and they wish me well adn go on their way. (I hid under the kitchen table when I was 24 so that they couldn’t get sight of me through the window-very humiliating to relate here, but I want to share and show you that things can improve for you). Assertiveness does wonders. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crap-i-think-someone-is-trying-to-seduce-me/418389.md?page=5)