# Crappy Kids' Jokes for the 21st Century **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 23, 2015, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681 "2015-05-23T23:43:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/1 "2015-05-23T23:43:48Z")
My (2nd grade) son got this book from the Op Shop (second-hand store) about a month ago when he was staying with his Granny. It’s called the Mega Joke Book and it’s full of jokes like 'What’s brown and sticky? (A stick!) and ‘Where do generals keep their armies?’ (Up their sleevies!) and he absolutely ADORES it. But some of the jokes are getting just a little bit long in the tooth. ‘What do you call a soul singer with biscuits on his head?’ (Lionel Rich Tea) … yeah, that’s kind of lead-balloon-ish. The book was written in the 90’s, but that’s no excuse for ‘What do you call a skeleton in a kilt?’ (Bony Prince Charlie) unless 90’s second-graders were a whole lot more educated than I remember 'em. What we need are some updated ones. The more groan-worthy the better. I’ve started. Help me out! What computer games do witches like? Cursed Person Shooters How do sky-divers listen to music? On a high-pod What happened when Gollum saw Mount Doom? He liked it, so he had to put a Ring in it. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2015, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/2 "2015-05-24T03:25:18Z")
I tried to write a pokemon joke (i.e. “what day do the animals fight? / pokemonday!”) but then realized that sufficiently educating myself on the history and mechanics of pokemon to properly form the riddle would take up brain cells I might need for more important information like nose-picking procedures so I gave up. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/3 "2015-05-24T15:33:59Z")
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram! What do you call it when one candy bar secretly loves another? A candy crush! What did the Twitter army do once it started losing the battle? It retweeted! What do you call a ghost who’s good at searching the internet? Boogle! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2015, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/4 "2015-05-24T15:45:21Z")
Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool. How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes? ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2015, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/5 "2015-05-25T00:30:13Z")
😃 What should you do with slow pets? Poke 'em on What do ancient Central American kids play? MayanCraft ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/6 "2015-05-27T15:48:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Bryan Ekers** : > > I tried to write a pokemon joke (i.e. “what day do the animals fight? / pokemonday!”) but then realized that sufficiently educating myself on the history and mechanics of pokemon to properly form the riddle would take up brain cells I might need for more important information like nose-picking procedures so I gave up. One I heard from my niece: “Why shouldn’t you take a shower when a Pokemon’s around?” “Because he might Pikachu!” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/7 "2015-05-27T17:23:48Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Why did the hipster burn his mouth? > > He **ate** pizza before it was cool. “was eating” works better. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/8 "2015-05-27T17:31:48Z")
If you had 3 phones and 2 tablets in one hand and 4 phones and 3 tablets in the other hand, what would you have? Very large hands. How can you lift an electric car with one hand? You can’t, electric cars don’t have hands. What looks like half of a Caramel Frappuccino? The other half. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/9 "2015-05-27T21:29:14Z")
How can you drop your phone on a concrete floor without cracking it? Drop your phone any way you like, the concrete floor won’t crack. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2015, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/10 "2015-05-28T14:02:47Z")
Well, the joke’s about seven years old now, but there’s always this one: How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker Face! ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/11 "2015-05-28T15:02:12Z")
[quote=“Ethilrist, post:4, topic:720681”] Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/12 "2015-05-28T16:29:22Z")
Why is marble so sad? People always take it for granite. What do pirates like to wear when they go golfing? Arrrrgyle! Why didn’t the pirate kid see the new movie? It was rated Arrrrrrr! What’s the Mafia kid’s favorite song? “Old MacDonald Had a Farm.” Pause, then menacingly say, “HAD.” Knock knock. Who’s there? Impatient Cow. Impa– MOO! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/13 "2015-05-28T19:37:08Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Well, the joke’s about seven years old now, but there’s always this one: > > How do you wake Lady Gaga up? > > Poker Face! Here’s another sort of oldie: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2015, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/14 "2015-05-28T21:36:12Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Here’s another sort of oldie: > > How do you find Will Smith in the snow? > > Look for the fresh prints. 1995 called. 1995 was 20 years ago, and also not in the 21st Century. ---
**Author:** ![JHuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@JHuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JHuff)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/15 "2015-05-29T19:27:12Z")
This is sort of a bungled version of a joke I heard on Adventure Time, but can’t exactly remember how it goes. Some guy got in an accident and got his left arm and left leg torn off. His wife went to the hospital and asked the doctor how he was doing. The doctor said, he’s all right. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/16 "2015-05-29T19:33:19Z")
What do you call a macchiato with a shot of banana syrup. A monkeyato ---
**Author:** ![JHuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@JHuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JHuff)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/17 "2015-05-29T19:33:57Z")
It might be better worded like this, to fit the question / answer type of joke… What did the doctor say to the guy who got his left arm and left leg ripped off in a terrible accident? You’re going to be all right… ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/18 "2015-05-29T19:34:48Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Knock knock. > Who’s there? > Impatient Cow. > Impa– > MOO! Knock knock. Who’s there? Impatient Sloth. Impatient Sloth who? … [Obligatory video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn1-M5Ze0p8) ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/19 "2015-05-30T03:56:01Z")
What type of computer sings? A Dell ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681/20 "2015-06-03T22:10:45Z")
Why was the hard-of-hearing monster disappointed when he went to Subway? He thought their motto was “Eat Flesh.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crappy-kids-jokes-for-the-21st-century/720681.md?page=2)