# Create your own Tract. HAW HAW HAW! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 17, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652 "2003-02-17T16:25:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/1 "2003-02-17T16:25:29Z")
In the vien of Jack Chick we wish to create our own Tract. This of course will not have drawings but will be a script (see [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3006795#post3006795) for the back ground on this. Essentially the theme will be a story about Bob trying to save two Trekies from the evil that is Trek. We are looking for volunteers to take a few panels of this 22 panels tract. Applicants must have a decent understanding of Chick’s style and beliefs for this to work… remember this is satire. For reference go to [jack’s home](http://www.chick.com) Applications will be acceptred today and after the 22 panels are done we can freely start another. So far We have Diogenes the Cynic and myself. Any other takers? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/2 "2003-02-17T20:10:17Z")
I’ll give it a shot. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/3 "2003-02-17T20:11:42Z")
Well let’s see 22 divided by 3 is… carry the 1… We’ll need some more my math isn’t that great ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/4 "2003-02-17T21:14:03Z")
count me in ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/5 "2003-02-18T03:17:55Z")
OK, Why don’t we start We will each take one panel, any other takers can ask permission and be assigned a panel. I’ll Take panel 1 Diogenes panel 2 Padeye panel 3 X Walrus2 Panel 4 We’ll see if there is any other takers and if not we will go to the next 4 panels. I’ll start the panel on the next Post It will be the format we will each use to keep things consistant. … The Title is up for debate… My suggestion is **DEFY SCI FI** Here we go… ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/6 "2003-02-18T03:25:10Z")
**Panel 1** \*Satan is watching a rerun of **Star Trek** in his firey domain. The Television merely shows a poorly drawn Enterprise and the words “Star Trek” in the wrong font. Satan is in a black evil looking Lazy boy and has an expression of evil merriment. Sitting on his left side is Stan his demon side kick who has the fat dopey demon look of one who doesn’t understand his master’s glee. \* **SATAN** : HAW HAW HAW! **STAN** : What is so funny Master? **SATAN** : As long as this show remains on the air There will always be sould for me to courupt! And thanks to cheap syndication fees This show will air forever! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/7 "2003-02-18T03:38:56Z")
**panel 2** We cut to the living room of a middle class house. Two teenagers (one boy and one girl) are watching the same Star Trek rerun. The image on screen shows a badly drawn Spock with exaggerated pointy ears. Star Trek and sci-fi paraphenalia are scattered around the room. A crudely drawn dog is playing with a toy flying saucer. The kids are both wearing Star Trek t-shirts. A concerned looking mother is watching from the background. **Boy:** This is the episode where the secret of the Force is revealed by the aliens **Girl** The aliens are so wise. **Mother** Do the aliens ever speak of Jesus Christ? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/8 "2003-02-18T04:52:04Z")
**Panel 3** Reverse angle shot in the living room. **Boy:** There is no religion in the Federation mother, that’s _so_ 20th century! **Girl:** Mom, you are so out of it. **Mother:** \ ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/9 "2003-02-18T18:37:34Z")
I sent a note to XWalrus2 to get the tract moving again. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/10 "2003-02-18T18:39:30Z")
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/11 "2003-02-18T20:29:40Z")
ok that’s it forging ahead… Walrus may join in when (s)he can… **Panel 4** _Split Screen using diagnal jagged line in a clever stylistic way that shows that this is a phone conversation between two people. Mom is on the Left Bob is (obviously) on the Right. Both have a lovely window behind them with the sun shining in Bobs while ominously storm clouds gather around Mom’s_ **MOM** : Bob you have to help me… my children are watching Star Trek and talking about Forces. Now they say they are going to something called a convention **BOB** : More like a **Coven** tion! Glad you called me I think I can help. _Bob has a thought bubble above his head_ **BOB THOUGHT** : Lord help me get to them in time! ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/12 "2003-02-18T20:57:58Z")
Nice touch **kingpengvin** with the forced “ **Coven** tion” and **Diogenes** I really liked the misuse of “the force” that seems very _Chickian_…“Chickesque?” **Panel 5** Graphic illustrations show how Federation symbol is derived from the pentagram/goat’s head/Baphomet symbols with pencil illustration of badly doctored photo of Gene Roddenberry meeting with Pope Pious XII and FDR during WWII juxtaposed with illustration of St. Peter’s Basilica. Caption reads: Few people realize that “science fiction” is just another tentacle of the whore of Babylon promoted by the Illuminati. Footnote self-references this tract as a source. ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/13 "2003-02-18T22:42:11Z")
alright, thanks for the reminder, i totally forgot about this project. ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/14 "2003-02-18T23:20:29Z")
\*\* Panel 6 \*\* Picture of the **Boy** and **Girl** badly drawn in costumes at a convention, the **Girl** as a vulcan and **Boy** as chewbacca. Both Children are talking to others in costume. Bob is in the corner of the frame in normal attire (well, for Bob, anyway). Thought bubble over Bob: “These are the children that have been turned away from Christ by this satanic force of Science Fiction. Please christ, give me the chance to save at least one of them.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/15 "2003-02-18T23:53:51Z")
**kingpengvin** , can I get in on this comic and do a panel? Let me know!!! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/16 "2003-02-19T01:37:53Z")
Please go ahead, **Baker**. (kingpengvin and I brainstormed this together, so I have “authority” to grant you permission 😉 ) …anyone else who wants to do a panel, please join in. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/17 "2003-02-19T02:22:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kingpengvin \* > \*\ ***Panel 1** > > _Satan is watching a rerun of **Star Trek** in his firey domain. The Television merely shows a poorly drawn Enterprise and the words “Star Trek” in the wrong font. Satan is in a black evil looking Lazy boy and has an expression of evil merriment._ > > SATAN: As long as this show remains on the air There will always be souls for me to courupt! And thanks to cheap syndication fees This show will air forever! \*\* But that’s the truth. I thought this thread was supposed to be a parody. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/18 "2003-02-19T02:54:54Z")
**Panel #7** **Bob** approaches **Boy** and **Girl** (hereinafter known as **Scott** and **Jenny** **Bob** “Hi, kids, I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about _the Force_. Did you know the Bible says that all such things are false and evil?” **Scott** “I didn’t know that!” **Jenny** “Are you sure that’s true?” **Bob**"Yes! In 1 Timothy 4:7 it says ‘Have nothing to do with godless and silly myths. Train yourselves in godliness instead.’ " **Scott**"But…but, it all seemed so _nice!_ **Jenny** “Why should we believe it just because you tell that?” _As you can see here, I am trying to set up a split between Scott and Jenny, in reference to **Panel 6** , and **Bob’s** prayer that he can save “at least one of them” Will the conflict be resolved?Tune in for further panels._ ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/19 "2003-02-19T02:57:53Z")
Re previous post. The last reply of Jenny should have ended "just because you tell _us_ that?’ ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/20 "2003-02-19T02:58:28Z")
that was actually my intention in writing that part. i didn’t know if everyone would pick up on it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=2)