# Create your own Tract. HAW HAW HAW! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 17, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652 "2003-02-17T16:25:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/21 "2003-02-19T03:06:28Z")
I dunno Baker, is there a precident in real Chick tracts for anyone questioning the bible verses that Bob uses? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/22 "2003-02-19T03:20:48Z")
Not sure **Padeye**. Maybe I don’t have the true Chick mindset. But I _do_ have a really extensive Biblical concordance, so if necessary I could keep throwing Bible verses at them until one or both are groveling on the floor in full repentant mode. (But it might be more fun to have one end up in the Lake of Fire, like the guy in the parable) _And in case anyone wonders, I’m an Episcopalian Sunday school teacher(2nd and 3rd graders) who is having a ball . I’ll be drawing on my experiences at (coven)entions for inspiration here!_ ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/23 "2003-02-19T03:21:14Z")
**Padeye** , yeah, it’s actually a fairly common Chick device to have one character who listens and one who doesn’t. _Angels_ (the Christian rock tract) is a good example, unfortunately Satan seems to be sabotaging [Chick.com](http://Chick.com) at the moment, so I can’t link to it. If everyone’s done a panel now, I think it might be **kingpenvin’s** turn again (unless there’s anyone else who wants to join in). ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/24 "2003-02-19T03:40:44Z")
Actually, scrolling through again, I see that **king’s** already done two panels so I’ll go next: **Panel 8** **Bob:** Don’t take _my_ word for it. Take the word of Jesus Christ! " 'Do not practice divination or sorcery." (Leviticus 19:26) These aliens practice magic and witchcraft! **Scott:** [wide-eyed] They DO? **Bob:** You bet they do! **Jenny** [scowling] It’s not witchcraft! They use the FORCE! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/25 "2003-02-19T04:02:17Z")
Since **XWalrus2** was before me the last time I’ll give them a chance to go next. But if there is no follow up by say, 5:00AM CST on Wednesday, I may give it another shot. BTW, **Diogenes** you have the lingo down cold! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/26 "2003-02-19T04:08:12Z")
Thanks, **Baker** , I think I’ve read every tract on the Chick site. I find them endlessly fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/27 "2003-02-19T04:55:07Z")
I think it is my turn if not sorry… **Panel 9** _Close up of Bob staring off in that Forceful yet Pure angelic way. In the Back ground are various poorly drawn Sci Fi Characters and for no reson except to show the luridness of these things a sweaty gay couple is kissing_ **BOB** : You’re Wrong Jenny! You see The force is nothing more than a psuedonym for Satan’s powers. George Lucas the man behind this “Force” is nothing more than a Jesuit Preist sent out by the Vatican to teach the ways of Satan and the Catholic Church _a box below contains the text_ "See the stunning revelations in Alberto’s: “Confessions of a Star Wars Special effects man” Chick publications 2001. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/28 "2003-02-19T04:58:00Z")
oop I think I posted out of turn… Ok lets straighten it up Next is XWalrus2… then Baker… Diogenes… Padeye… then me… I think that might work… Dang… at least it got rolling ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/29 "2003-02-19T05:39:31Z")
Hi, **kingpengvin**! I’m waiting till tomorrow morning to see if Walrus posts again, but if not my #9 is similar in lines to yours, without the reference(yet) to the Catholics. Based on yours I may revise _mine_ This is a blast. Haven’t had so much fun since my last Thundercon in Oklahoma City. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/30 "2003-02-19T07:42:51Z")
I would like to point out that more goes into a Chick-ish Tract than a simple “Haw haw haw!” [I should know.](http://www.teemings.com/extras/spoofe01.html) (Note: I’ll be willing to work on a panel or two, but not too much…) ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/31 "2003-02-19T10:52:10Z")
**Scott** :Mr. Bob sir, you’ve shown me the light! I think I’ll convert right now! I think I’ll go try to witness people at the mall tomorrow even! **Jenny** Well, i still don’t see what the big deal is. I think the force is much better than this “Christ” guy. I 'll come and find you later if i ever get interested. (text at bottom of panel) “Little did Jenny know she would never get another chance!” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/32 "2003-02-19T11:21:27Z")
I was all set to do #9 but **XWalrus2** took his turn. So #10 is up to me, unless **SPOOFE** does it. I can’t write it just now(got to go to that pesky job!), but I will be back by mid-afternoon. This is such a hoot! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/33 "2003-02-19T11:31:57Z")
I would like to applaud this so far. Most amusing. My only criticism is that there isn’t an evil mastermind (Satan excepted) organising the contention and giggling behind a curtain. We also need some dropping dead. ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/34 "2003-02-19T11:33:48Z")
i was figuring that jenny would actually meet the cast of star trek or star wars or whatever, and find them to be satan’s minions or something. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/35 "2003-02-19T11:45:26Z")
contention =\> convention :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/36 "2003-02-19T11:46:38Z")
**jjimm** don’t worry. I’m _sure_ what you are looking for is in the offing! If I don’t get away from here though I am going to be late for work. Oh well, it’s only a job. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/37 "2003-02-19T13:51:24Z")
Bater that would make you Panel 11… We might as well keep the story going on… ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/38 "2003-02-19T16:23:20Z")
What the hell, just to keep it going, I’ll do the next panel and leave #12 for **Baker** **Panel 11** Jenny is approached by a bearded man wearing Spock ears who is surrounded by a gaggle of sci-fi geeks in costumes. Behind this group we see a couple of giggling cartoon demons. **Jenny:** Hey! You’re George Lucas, the creator of _Star Trek_ **Lucas:** [giving the Vulcan salute] That’s right, may the Force protect you. **Jenny:** [also doing the Vulcan salute] May the Force protect you too. Bob, glowering in the background, has a thought ballon which reads : Only Jesus can protect you, Jenny! ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/39 "2003-02-19T17:49:19Z")
Baker may not get back soon so I’ll throw in a panel if no one minds **Panel 12** Scott is watching Jenny and Lucas at a short distance as they continue to discuss the force. **Jenny:** My stupid mom says Star Treck (sic) is evil but I’m tird of listening to her. **Demon on Lucas shoulder:** HAW HAW HAW!!! She’s hooked now!!! **Lucas:** Jenny, I think you are ready to move the next level. Have you ever heard of the secret episode that only special fans get to see? **Jenny:** You don’t mean the one where they go … to the planet Kolob! **Scott:** GASP!!! (This is worse than I thought, they’re MORMONS!!! I’ve got to tell Bob!!!) * * * [Self HIjack] **Kodos:** Actually we’re Quantum Presbeterians[SH] ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/40 "2003-02-19T18:29:57Z")
Argh, I broke continuity. Mind you that is little of a concern for Jack… how about we swap Bob for Scott in panel 12 and of course drop the “I’ve got to tell Bob” line. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=3)