# Create your own Tract. HAW HAW HAW! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 17, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652 "2003-02-17T16:25:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BioHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3bc359/32.png) [@BioHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BioHazard)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/41 "2003-02-19T18:35:34Z")
Hilarious. Is anyone going to do the artwork for this? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/42 "2003-02-19T19:00:10Z")
We don’t have an artist but it would be great if somebody _could_ draw the panels. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/43 "2003-02-19T19:15:08Z")
Hey Diogenes Mind if I do Panel 13? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/44 "2003-02-19T19:21:46Z")
Go ahead, **king**. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/45 "2003-02-19T19:47:42Z")
**Panel 13** SATAN’S PANEL - Satan is sitting behind a merchant table selling evil overpriced “collectors” items which are worth less than the cheap plastic they are made of. He is surrounded by children handing their money in exchange for the garbage and in the forground of the left (or sinister) side of the panel is a small girl with dark circles around her eyes and a zombified look on her face. She is hugging a JAR JAR Doll. Stan is on Satan’s right side collecting the cash and dressed as Yoda in a TOS tunic. Satan holds a Darth Maul mask infront of his face to disguise the fact he is really **SATAN** \* **SATAN** : Yes that’s right little Jenny soon you will learn the power of the **Dark Side**!! I will cloud you of the true secrets of the Stars\* no one will be able to **save** you!!! box below: \* Job 25:5 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/46 "2003-02-19T20:06:35Z")
Okay, okay!!! I’m back from work now. It’s really tiresome when one’s job gets in the way of one’s SDMB habit. Oh God, I think I feel ANOTHER tract idea coming on! I’ll review what’s happening and get the next panel in, hopefully in under 30 minutes. Have to change the verses I was going to use. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/47 "2003-02-19T21:07:22Z")
**Panel 14** (Scott looks different now. He has taken off his coven-ention clothes and is now dressed _properly._ He has a short sleeved cotton shirt, cordouroy slacks, hush puppy loafers, and his close cropped hair is neatly combed.) **Scott** Bob! We have to _do_ something! Jenny is listening to _George Lucas_ now! **Bob** You’re right Scott, but it won’t be us that helps her! It will be the power of Jesus! As it says in Romans 6:16 “Do you not know that if you yield yourselves to any one as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey?” Jenny is being decieved into losing her soul!" **Scott** (gasp) I don’t want my sister to go to Hell! Jenny! Listen to me! Don’t you know what it says in 2 Peter 2:1 “There will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies” Don’t go with Lucas! Jenny turns too look at Scott with a puzzled/annoyed expression. And now on to the next panel. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/48 "2003-02-19T21:25:21Z")
As it currently stands there have been fourteen posts by a total of five posters. **kingpengvin** 1, 4, 9, 13 **Diogenes** 2, 8, 11, **Padeye** 3, 5, 12 **XWalrus2** 6, 10 **Baker** 7, 14 I think the continuity has been shored up. As it currently stands Lucas is trying to entice Jenny deeper into the evils of sci-fi, and Scott and Bob are attempting to get her out of Lucas’ clutches. Catholicism and the LDS have both been mentioned, but not yet exploited much. I hope to get in at least one more post(I’m leaning towards Jenny, in flames, being judged by that big “faceless” God in Heaven, from other tracts, but I’m not married to the idea yet. If Scott and Bob can manage to rescue her that would be good too.) ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/49 "2003-02-19T21:30:05Z")
I wonder if it would be unethical to write to Jack and ask him to write a tract that confronts the dangers of SciFi. Is it really a troll if you troll Jack Chick. Such an ethical dilemma. I was hoping to fit in aunt Rita Jones sitting bolt upright in bed after a dream about Jenny’s immortal soul but we’re on a good roll here. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/50 "2003-02-19T21:55:18Z")
**Padeye** we _are_ on a roll here, but that’s no reason why we can’t fit aunt Rita into another tract thread, if not this one. Just have to see how it plays out. Like I said in an earlier post, my job was interfering with my SDMB habit, can’t there be a tract about the dangers of Internet message boards? Especially those that fight so-called ignorance? Maybe we can get into Teemings! And BTW, there is a tract I have been trying to identify. I only have three or four panels from it, but they were reproduced in a book in which I first heard about Jack Chick. Titled High Weirdness by Mail this book is divided up into several categories, such as “Religious”, “Hate Groups” “Crackpot Science” and so forth. Chick was in the religion section. One panel shows an old man attempting to witness to a nasty little boy who is dressed in a sort of brownshirt type uniform. The kid cusses him out(\*&^%$#@) and says he is going to turn him in. In another panel the old guy sends his daughter and son-in-law to a cabin in the mountains, but he stays behind. The daughter tearfully proclaims her love for daddy and says “If only the Rapture would come today” In one more panel the old guy has been tortured by some kind of demon looking creatures, but won’t deny his faith. Anyone have an idea on which tract it is? It would have to be at least 15 years back, the book is from the late 80’s. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/51 "2003-02-19T22:21:13Z")
Jack’s site is only partially up but I know the tract you mean, it’s one of my paranoid favorites. I think it dates back to the '70s possibly during the heyday of Hal Linden and his impending apocalypse books. I think the tact is [The Last Generation](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp) but can’t verify it. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/52 "2003-02-19T23:52:02Z")
**Padeye** , that’s the one! I also remembered the part about “using it for food” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/53 "2003-02-20T00:31:01Z")
I guess **XWalrus2** should do the next panel, and then we may as well let **Baker** have another turn, since **kingpengvin** and I have both done more than him already. Let’s go in this order: **XWalrus2** **Baker** **Diogenes** **Padeye** **kingpengvin** Maybe we should allow a certain amount of time for each panel, and if someone doesn’t take a turn within, say three or four hours, the next person on the list can just go ahead. That way we can keep the tract moving and keep it from sinking off the page. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/54 "2003-02-20T00:33:04Z")
I dunno about arbitrary time limits. Somes that 3-4 hours happens when decent people (and some Dopers) are asleep or at work. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/55 "2003-02-20T01:08:49Z")
Well, maybe more like eight hours, I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/56 "2003-02-20T01:18:57Z")
Eight hours sounds good to me. But since Walrus may not be aware of this proposal, how’s this? If Walrus doesn’t chime in by 5:00AM CST(that’s 9 3/4 hours from now as I type) I’ll be ready to take the next panel. Walrus’s last post was about that time in the morning, and that’s when I’m awake, self-aware, and getting ready to go to work. We bakers are early risers. And if Walrus does post and I can’t complete my post before work, I will let you know, and be ready to do my panel upon returning home. Hey, the library has computers and so on my breaks I can be sure I know what is going on, and have a panel more or less composed. BTW **Diogenes** , **Baker** is a _her_, not a him. HAW HAW HAW! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/57 "2003-02-20T01:23:13Z")
Oh, sorry **Baker**. I guess I shouldn’t gender stereotype. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/58 "2003-02-20T02:19:31Z")
**Panel 15** **Jenny** :Wow that secret episode showed me how to get whatever i want. All I have to do is believe in George Lucas, and everything i ever need will be provided for. I don’t know who this Jesus guy that Scott was talking about is, but i think i would much rather believe in George Lucas. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/59 "2003-02-20T03:19:46Z")
Uh oh, I think poor Jenny is doomed. Well here we go. **Panel 16** Poor, deceived **Jenny** , having now decided to believe in the power of the _Force_ leaves the hall where the coven-ention is being held, to head for the mall and test her new found powers of acquisition. Brother **Scott** hurries after her, desiring only one more chance to save her soul. Both are so pre-occupied that they don’t see the big truck until it’s too late. In vain, \*\*Scott \*\*tries, but fails, to push his sister to safety. **SKREEEEEEEETCH!!! Thud, thud** **Scott & Jenny** Where are we? What’s happening? I believe you’re at bat next **Diogenes** ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/60 "2003-02-20T10:46:38Z")
very nice, baker. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=4)